An apology and a thanks... (TOS-4)

*This is an older version, please check .pdf TOS_part1

"I thought you were going to see him to avoid this exact situation. You said it would only be a few days stop in the mountains." she cinched her blond hair and glared at me in the reflection of the mirror. "It was all last night in Nerkam, and today this, it's not very subtle. And it's horribly boring. Your friends aren't exactly funny, and they all make themself seem so important.”

"It's only for a few days. And they just want to get to know you." I was convincing myself that they just wanted to get to know her. My father just wants to get to know her. He's not in the habit of directly killing people I cared about, though it wouldn't be the first time. And this is where I'm at home, for once we don't have to hide and pretend. He knows that as well as I do. "And it's not about my friends, it's about my family."

"I didn't know we were that serious." she grunted. She painted her eyes with dark shades. I like it better when she leaves them out, but I'm not so stupid to mention it now and upset her even more. I need her to put her temperament behind her today, I need her to smile and nod. It's not that much to ask. All she has to do is just keep her mouth shut.

"Cat, I gave you a choice, remember?" I unbuttoned my shirt and waited for her to turn to me. "You wanted to come with me, and you wanted to be here, so don't complain now." I turned and went straight into the shower before I could deliver anything like I warned you, but you insisted too stubbornly. Or, even more honestly, I'm not thrilled about you being here either.

I came back a few long minutes later, a good deal calmer, with my hair neat and all the rest of it. I convinced myself that, like Catarina, I would try to remain silent. I'm ready for everything, Luke's remarks, mother's intrusive questions, father and whatever he thinks up. He's in good spirits and genuinely glad I'm here. That gives me a little bit of hope and some space. On the other hand, even if he didn't say it out loud, he's going to try to keep me here at all costs. That gives me a certain edge. I wouldn't say he already figured out I want to stay.

"What do you say?" she asked with a smile. The dark, blue dress suits her impossibly well. They cling to her tanned skin and highlight her slim figure. Too bad it's all wrong.

"Didn't I say don't wear a blue dress?" I'm not in the mood for her jokes. And neither have the time.

"But you didn't tell me why." she put on that sweet voice of hers. I stopped behind her, kissed her on the neck, and unbuttoned her dress.

"Because there are rules here, and you have to follow them. Change your clothes, please." I tried my best to sound nice. She knew exactly how it went, and she knows etiquette and all this other shit as well as I do. She's testing what I let her do in front of my family, and the answer is nothing. Everything must go smoothly tonight for me to get where I need to.

"Fine, whatever." she took my hands off her, threw the cloth to the ground, and went back to the tall wardrobe. She muttered to herself as she did so. The clock on the wall told me not to argue with her. I have to get dressed myself. And control her in the process. On her second attempt, she opted for a slightly racier black dress. Wrong again, but it’ not blue, so like she said - whatever.

"Cat," I began. The icy blue eyes fixed on me. "You look beautiful." it's not a lie, not exactly. I'd much rather she opted for a dress that covered at least half as much of what this one covered, but I ran out of time. Long pink sleeves are the only thing that safely hides her skin. On the other hand, I'm sure mother or Luke will point this out instead of me.

"I know. It's not at all fair that you can wear blue. We don’t fit with each other at all." she protested on the way to me. She put her hands on me, my view narrowed to the thin fabric she’s wearing. There's something about this lace that I don’t like. There's something about the dress that bothers me, and it's not exposed skin. The pattern reminds me of last night.

"My beautiful, dear Catarina, the world is not fair. Never has been nor it ever will be." I said softly, she drew closer to me and kissed me. She's very passionate about that, too. It took only a few hours on that ship before she to marched gladly into my quarters.

"At least I can agree with you on something, my Crown Prince." she let go of me again and walked out of the bedroom. How much do I fucking hate being called that? I'd rather bolt my father's crown on my brother's head than bother with it myself.

I followed Catarina to the other room, I've got a quick drink planned, and then, we can move on. It's probably not worth delaying anyway. "Emmett . . ." the surprise in her voice was replaced by a resolute grab for the nearest dagger.

Three men were waiting for us, two wolf-headed guards and one man in diplomat's uniform. He is the only one I know - my father's minion Blaise. "His Majesty wants to see you both, right now." he announced arrogantly. I never liked him, he was always acting so strangely. Haughtily, and as if he had some real power, even if he’s only his father's pawn. A kind of parrot that has to go where His Majesty doesn't want to go, repeating his words.

"Has Athran run out of that adorable blue paper?" I asked sarcastically. Just the sight of him makes me angry. I gave Catarina a long look, until she reluctantly put the dagger back down, ready to grab it and throw it again. I've seen how fast she can be several times.

"If the king wanted to send a letter, surely he would do so." he looked at me with narrowed eyes. His gaze passed to Catarina, apparently indignant at the choice of her outfit, and he came back to me. "I'm supposed to escort you both to Narvin."

"Escort?" I laughed. In the end, this gave me more than enough time to have another drink. I don't plan on following his demands. "I'm not going to be escorted to the house I grew up in like some kind of a criminal. Certainly not in thrall to a cocky sycophant."

"That's not up to you." he seems to really believe that. What an asshole.

"I beg to differ. Tell him we'll be there as soon as I finish my drink." I calmly poured liquid from the glass decanter and sent them away in a simple spell after I had set the glass down in a safe place. Naturally, I don't want to jeopardize part of such a nice set, and I also love how he could just wait to see what I do. Blaise would never have dared intervene, and the guards were there for his protection, rather than really taking me anywhere. Although part of me wanted to watch him try.

"From what you've been telling me, I don't think your father is going to like this."

"Yeah, I don't like it either." the only reason he sent him is because he wants to talk to us alone before we joined the others. I just don't dare guess why. "Cat, listen to me, whatever father wants, you have to remember that you have a choice. And you can count on me."

"That sounds pretty scary."

"You have no idea." I smiled slightly. All the peace I thought I had left me. It's all up to him. I can lead Cat into a trap, and I haven't even thought about it until now. It's a very likely possibility, I know it, but I don't want to think about it. I have to come up with a workable plan. "Anyway, stay behind me."

It's strange to come home for several reasons. The main thing is that I've been avoiding the place for a long time. Being anywhere else was easier. This sprawling house with dozens of rooms reminds me of everything I hate so much. The fact that I was born a wolf. The fact that I have responsibilities I didn't want in the slightest. And the fact that I was blindfolded by the men in the study behind the door.

I knocked quickly and took a step back. Normally I'd march it right in, now it seems like a bad idea. The door opened in front of us, almost ominous as a giant piece of dark wood itself began to move. I put my arm around Cat's waist, and we walked in together.

His office hasn't changed a bit, with the blue carpet still enclosing the area on the bright floors on which I can stand. A massive table fills the entire space in front of a tall banner, drawing considerable attention to itself. There are only a few blank papers and a few folders of documents on a wide board, his exemplary approach to correspondence has not changed either. He's the only one who's moved. My father stands by the window on the side. As we walked in, he slowly turned around.

In the silence he examined her first, giving her a really long look. I can't make out what he's thinking. His expression didn't change for a second, it remained as serious and unreadable. I took a breath to speak as his gaze finally shifted to mine. His hand stopped me from doing it. "How does a prominent captain with exemplary ratings get to desert alongside my son?"

"I have not deserted; the Chastisers are not subject to the Narral army or any other." she announced with icy calm. There's no need to present them, apparently.

"And yet, leaving the order is not permitted." he stated.

"The way I see it, it's not allowed to come back." she replied gravely. She is almost scaring me with it, giving him this attitude.

"That's one possible perspective." he nodded to himself and walked over to the table. He picked up the folder that had been waiting there and looked at me. "I'd like to understand your carelessness, really. I know you realize your actions have consequences, but I don't think you fully understand what those consequences are. Everything you do affects you, your brother, me and all of Athran. Even my good relations with Narral can't justify this frivolous decision of yours!"

"It's not,"

"Zip it, Emmett," he deadpanned. "I don't care what you think you're doing or why you don't see a problem in it." he paused. I feel like I'm a little kid, I've been through this a hundred times. I’m standing in the exact same spot and he lectures me about his point of view. I don't have a right to a defense, and I never have. "As far as I'm concerned, there's only one solution." he added in a lower voice. My heart started racing as he flipped through the documents. Would he report it? He never strictly stuck to the run-of-the-mill rules, but he never flinched from a difficult decision. I'm not ready for that decision, but what chance do I have against it? I learned to argue with him and then leave, that's about it. All I can do.

He handed her the documents, she peered into them carefully. "Lady Catarina Dassler," she read incredulously. Lady Dassler? Why, and especially how?

"Fake papers?" I asked in the same tone. What's the solution here?

"Trust me, the documents are perfectly in order. The relevant copies are already in the archives. And I don't have to explain to either of you how important it is that you embrace this fact and take it for your own. Any resemblance to the missing captain ended two years ago, do you understand that?" he made it sound like a question, and yet it's an order. I gritted my teeth, I don't like it one bit. This solution of his... it’s the first thing that can keep me here.

"This solution of yours, it's,"

"Perfect." Catarina chimed in. I looked it over in amazement. There's nothing perfect about it. She calmly closed the folder and bowed. "Your Majesty,"

"The pleasure is all mine, believe me.” he smiled pleasantly and looked back at me. "I assume you have no objection."

"Me," I laughed in disbelief. It's bullshit, total bollocks. Which I can't tell him. He folded his arms and waited for whatever would fell out of me. Just like me. It's a solution that helps him, only solves his problems. I didn't ask for his help. And yet I felt a part of me was overjoyed that I didn't have to deal with anything. He sealed the whole thing off instead of me in one afternoon

An urgent knock distracted him from me. He went to the door and opened it. "Your Majesty, the Heiress wishes to speak with you."

"Thanks, that'll be all. Emmett," he said, leaving the door open. He gave me no choice but to go to him. "Go and talk to her for a while. Catarina will join you in a moment." he put his hand on my shoulder, leaning toward me as he did so. "No one can know about this, you didn't know anything about her past if it came to it. Not only would the truth destroy our reputation, but don't make me defend myself and you in front of the Heirs. Even she can't get you out of this. On the contrary, she would insist on her own justice, especially if she finds out you of all people lied to her. Do you understand me?"

I nodded slowly. I came as if in a trance as I walked back to the foyer through a long corridor stacked with paintings and flowers. All this time I was well aware of what would happen if Catarina were found in my presence. What would happen if they found me in her presence? It would be a scandal, and I would definitely lose my father's support. But it wasn't until now that I realized for the first time what would happen if the Heiress ran into her. She would have killed her without hesitation, as I should have done. Their rules would have led her to it, and she would have wanted them to. What made it worse was the realization that if she found out, she would never forgive me. I'll lose her for good. After all these years and everything we've been through together, this could simply be the last straw. The thing that will separate me from her. She cuts the last of the ropes that held me to her. I'll lose her in the dark, with no way to return to her Light. And I'm not in the least ready for that.

"Em, is everything all right?" she appeared before me and scared me to death. She put her icy hands on me and studied me carefully. From every angle, her brown eyes darted back and forth. My heart raced in the process. It began to work beyond its duties, perhaps for the first time in months. I forgot it could still do something like that. It had become accustomed to doing nothing strenuous, and now there was no stopping it. "You look like you've seen a ghost." she laughed softly as she added. "but they are not among us. I should know." she continued to look for what was wrong with me. I wanted to take her hands off, but I can't bring myself to do it. I missed her gentle touches. And her laughter, it almost brought tears to my eyes, I missed her so much. I missed just about everything she does right now, and how that makes me feel.

All I could do is stand there like an idiot, unable to process that she’s here and really worried about me. It gives me little hope that we could salvage at least a small part of our friendship. "I'm fine." I got out of my system. It's so hard to lie while looking into dark brown eyes that scrutinize me.

"Ouch… we are going to pretend I believe you, hmm?" she laughed again. She's in much better spirits. Her hair is braided and she's got rid of your red fabric, instead she's wearing white shirt, decorated with gold cape. She looks exactly like she did before everything changed and I want so bad to get back to the way it was. When I could talk to her and when I could laugh with her. "Emmett, you're starting to scare me, you don't usually let me speak. Do you realize that?" she withdrew her hands and took a step back, eyebrow raised, to look at me. She only lifts one, always.

I have bitten my lip; I want to draw her to me and welcome her as I always have. Even though everything has changed, I can still hug her. Right? What rules applied to people who decided to let each other go just because it seemed more reasonable. Because, according to the rules of logic, they shouldn't have harmed themselves. 'Father's will be here in a minute, he's with... it doesn’t matter." I stared. I can't gather my thoughts and talk like a normal thinking person around her, clearly. "Is something wrong? Why are you here?"

"It's nothing that has to bother you. I need him to sign these papers, today. Jonathan was supposed to handle it, but he's not the only Hale who can handle contracts. His words, not mine." she smiled again and took the folder she'd left hanging in the air.

"But what are these contracts if they can't wait until tomorrow?" I asked. It's got to be pretty important if she's coming here on her own and in person.

“The kind of papers, that aren’t any of your business.” she assured me with a smile. She teases me to care about it even more.

"I still have the right to speak on matters concerning Athran. "

“But this isn't about Athran, not directly. Maybe if you ask nicely, Ed will explain."

"That's not very nice of you." I genuinely laughed. All that tension was gone for a while. "He's explained enough. I feel like I owe you an apology, Ans, if I were here," I paused. What would have happened if I'd been there? Would it make a difference, except that I wouldn't be consumed inside by the horrible guilt of leaving everyone behind.

"I appreciate it, but I am actually the one, who owes you an apology. It's your life, and you can do whatever you want with it. As stupid as those decisions may seem to me." her gaze ran away from me for a while, I looked too. Father and Cat are already walking towards us. One of her eyebrows went up again. She doesn't approve of the dress, either. "It's nice to see you in blue again, your Highness. It suits you." she took a lazy bow and smiled. Of course, it looks good on me, that colour has been a part of my life since day one. "If you want to apologize to anyone, it's him. He won't admit it like the rest of us, but he missed you." she added in a lower voice.

"Have you decided to join us for dinner?" father asked, while Catarina bowed respectfully and joined me. Her look suggested that the Heiress's presence frightened and fascinated her. Andrea ignored her completely, as she usually does, with ordinary people. Cat immediately wrapped her hands around me, like it mattered to anyone in here.

“Don’t take it the wrong way, but I have better plans for the evening than athran cuisine. I'll only keep you for a few minutes." she laughingly made her way to her father's. "Your dear friend left it to me."

"What plans?" I asked before she could disappear down the hall.

"Jim's coming back tonight, we've got to give him a proper welcome."

"He’s here already?" I asked, surprised. Father said he wasn't coming back for a few more days, and only after he came, would they vote. They had to step it up. That's why she's here, I figured. Their whole decision about our fate won't be in a few days, it'll be a few hours.

"What do you mean, already? He’s two months late." the smile was completely gone from her face for a moment. Before she put on a new, fake one. "You should stop by the casino when you have time. He'll be happy to see you." she added, in a tone that convinced me again that no one here was telling me the whole truth.

"Emmett, go greet Vivian, I'll join you in a moment." another order, I can't do anything about. "Can't the world's most powerful family solve its own problems?" he turned with her, and they headed for the study.

"Why would we do that when we have people to pin it on?" she laughed again. I'd wager her spirits were so much improved by the return of her favourite uncle. She looks forward to seeing him every time like a little girl.

"What's going on between the two of you? Every time you see her, you behave very differently." Catarina brought me back to reality. She was holding me the whole time and I completely forgot she’s here with me.

"I'm not asking you about the past, either." I replied in a measured tone.

"This obviously isn't your past." she returned me in the same tone without letting go.

"Don't start with it now." I took off her hands. They're uncomfortably hot, and for the first time I realized it bothers me. They're squeezing me in a hot grip, almost choking me. It makes me uncomfortable and angry. "Come."

Fortunately for me, the path to the dining room is short. I could feel Catarina's angry look stabbing into my back all the way down the hall, even after I'd turned. Slowly, I was getting tired of her being here with me. If she wasn't, I'd ditch the whole dinner and go straight to the casino. There, I could be sure of learning the truth, whatever it was, if I had a chance to talk to the Second Heir, that is.

Three figures are standing in the dining room in front of a long set table. They're waiting for us in silence. The topics for their own conversation seem to have worn thin. I don't blame them, after a couple of decades there isn't much impetus left to talk about, except for the weather, which changes from hour to hour in the North. There's the war now, but mother wouldn't talk about it, so the subject was taboo even for the two of them. Then there's court gossip, too, but it doesn't interest my brother, and anything his wife suggests is bullshit on principle.

Mother, as usual, opted for a dress that covered most of her skin, her combed hair revealing only a vital piece of skin around her neck. Her stern gaze was replaced by a smile as I appeared in the doorway. Luke, like me, is wearing a dark blue suit, and his expression suggests that, as usual, he's just a part of what's going on around here and doesn't really want to be here. And somehow his wife finishes the whole thing, in a bright dress and a mock smile. How much I love my family, it's almost impossible to put into words.

"Emmett," mother began to choke me in her embrace before I could say anything. Choking me - with her motherly love - of course. "I was pretty skeptical when Edgar mentioned you were coming." she let go of me to look at me. I expected everyone to do it, but it's starting to bother me. I still have two arms, two legs, same haircut. I haven't changed, and neither have they. It's that simple. "I'm glad you're here, my sweet little boy."

"Yeah, me too." I gave her a quick smile and swapped places with Catarina. The new face will keep them occupied for a while and they leave me alone. "Mother, I'd like you to meet lady Catarina, Cat my mother,"

"Vivian, please," she interrupted, embracing Catarina as enthusiastically as she did to me. Mother couldn't be happier to see someone else by my side. And she probably doesn't care who it is. She's a good-looking, tall blonde with a look similar to herself. Just like my brother's wife, perfect and easily influenced, to the eye."I'm very happy to meet you. Emmett doesn't let us into his privacy most of the time. I'll introduce you to the others, my amazing son, and Emmett's older brother, Luke," nice of her to take charge. I'm so bored of this introducing thing. "and his lovely wife, Ghrislaine."

"Laine, please." Luke's wife jumped in and hugged Cat, too. "My parents had a weird taste for names."

"Says the woman who named our daughter Heloise." Luke pulled his wife back as if she's his property, a possession to be looked after. He's been doing it for years. She's never minded, it makes me angry, though.

"You never said you had a niece." blue eyes looked at me reproachfully.

"He's got two nieces, actually." Luke corrected her with his annoying tone, trying to sound like our father, but he's not at all good at it. He lacks his natural authority. And his brain.

"We don't talk about children until they're old enough, it's safer that way. I guess," I said dispassionately. Enough people know about them already, why add more. Specially someone like Cat.

"You have no idea what keeps our children safe." Luke pointed out irritably, as if I wanted to argue with him about it.

"You're right, I don't. That's what I just said." to support the fact that I really don't care, I shrugged. It's clear to me that Luke is going to provoke me all evening. I decided not to let him succeed, purely to get out of here early. I could argue with him for hours, and in the end I'd come out a winner anyway. Not because I have better arguments, but because father is on my side. I'm his Heir, after all. He always ends our argument in my favour, and it's clear to me that that hasn't changed.

Luke frowned in surprise, as did mother, she is better at masking her confusion, but perfect. "What kept Edgar?"

"Work, my dear, what else." father swam into the room with a smile on his lips. We had a new round of pretensions waiting to begin as soon as we sat down. The kind that wouldn't be finished until we got back up, ready to leave. But before that, there was a toast. I didn't pay nearly as much attention to it as it deserved, but all my father's speeches have one major shortcoming. They're endless. I let my thoughts wander as to how long I might be here before I could head for Lemford. It will be at least two hours. And Andrea mentioned that she has yet to prepare everything, so I won't even be so late. Just hit the little window of time after Damien greets everyone, but he'll still be alone. Well, he won't be alone with any new friends he finds there, but he won't be distracted yet.

Deep in thought, I was almost the only one left standing at the table while the others sat down. Before anyone noticed I was rescued by Catarina, everyone focused only on her as she sat down without taking only sip. "Oh, sure, Catarina doesn't drink alcohol," I explained dispassionately. Their looks hadn't changed one bit, all of them baffled, despite the fact that neither mother nor Laine are drinking in principle either, just for reasons other than Cat's. "which I probably should have mentioned before…"

"So how does she put up with you?" Luke broke the silence. I feel like he's figured out that I'm not just going to be provoked and hardened.

"I honestly don't know, Cat?" I passed his query on and took a sip of my own. Alcohol is going to speed this whole place up considerably. Besides, the alcohol in here is much more fun. Just a moment ago, the glass was flaming, with fire. And now, it's full of amazing liquor.

"I think it was a little easier on the other continent, but most of the time all I have to do is not listen to his grumbling." she sounds very different, I looked into her icy blue eyes, she's smiling. I returned her smile and went back to my drink. I find it much more interesting than the food on my plate. Compared to all the fish and other creatures from the sea, ordinary meat seems like a miracle, but I've lost my appetite.

"Oh, right, what was it like on Slurzine?" Ghrislaine was interested.

"Fine." that is the word I chose to sum up the last two years.

"Fine? You've been gone for two years, and everything you have to say about that is fine?" this time, the surprised voice belongs to mother.

Her interest astounded me, for the most part, she sits silently at her husband's side, and doesn't enter into conversation herself until he's gone. Not that she's afraid of him or something like that, she's the first one to tell him he's wrong, but their differing opinions often lead to arguments they can't afford in front of guests. I put down the cutlery and looked straight into her gray eyes. "I've been gone for two years, and all I have to say is that it was fine." a new pair of eyes fixed on me, just as I had hoped. "Didn't you say Jim would be back in a few days?"

"That's what I said," he put down the cutlery as I did, straightening up. "but I don't have his daily schedule. Looks like he got his business done sooner than we expected. However, even in your absence, this hasn't become an appropriate topic of conversation for dinner. So, try to elaborate on your fine." he reached for his drink and waited patiently for my answer. He expects me to stand my ground and demand answers as a kid. Like Luke, the silly smile betrayed him. But they're out of luck today.

"As you wish. When we got to Slurzine, we didn't have a clear idea of what we wanted to do there. We spent a few weeks travelling back and forth until we stopped near a delightful town, just by the sea. Living on the beach proved highly impractical, there was sand everywhere, and the sun never let up. So, the only advantage of it being was that there was no one around to disturb us. And that was the best part, too." I smiled to myself. If there was one thing I really enjoyed, it was the time I spent alone with Cat, mostly in bed, but we also had a nice time on the table or on the porch swing. Yeah, I liked that one. "By contrast, the whole country is desperately dull, just as we, they follow the Light, but their knowledge of magic is rather primitive. In fact, they lag in all the important areas. Reading there is the privilege of the rich, no one cares much about people and what's missing in their heads, they make up for with their fists. Some townspeople and merchants have it nicely stacked, but nobility does not. I think the heat is getting to them. You know, I've calculated that conquering even a small portion of that territory with minimal losses still wouldn't pay off purely because of how far behind they are in everything. I'm guessing that's why the the four of them didn't take it by force a long time ago"

"You counted it?" father laughed. "How long would it take you to get to Trahamun?"

"With one part of the army, four, five days max. If it split into two and we attacked from two directions, about three days. Within ten days we would have breached their defences of the capital." I'm sure of my plans. It was my favorite pastime on the beach. Father smiled admiringly. Mother shook her head disapprovingly.

"Ten days with one part of the army? That's a bit excessive, don't you think?" Luke interjected in our conversation. 'We haven't moved a bit in ten days at Tre'Asco."

"But that's a very different situation. Tre'Asco is much more built-up, has more rugged terrain, and there are strategic points spread across the country that are not easy to overcome. They are strategic precisely because they play into the hands of enemies. Plus, I assume you had to wait for the lion and move forward together." I turned to my father to confirm my conjecture

'Your brother is absolutely right Luke, it's a different situation." he confirmed my words. "We have to wait for the lions to polish their armor, among other things" he laughed. I had to join him, it always takes them a long time to line up and even in the heat of battle they have to have perfect uniforms, polished and straightened, it would be unthinkable for them to skip it and just go into a battle.

"So shouldn't Emmett be getting his own uniform ready?" Luke folded his arms. "Since he's here and he's got such a nice track record. At the end of the day, it's still his job. He's supposed to be leading our army, not loitering on another continent dreaming of conquering it."

"Are you done?" I asked calmly. Luke shrugged. "Good, because I am." I turned to Catarina and smiled sweetly, I need some air. "Will you excuse me for a moment?"

"As long as you need." she gave me back my smile. Leaving her here with the others is most likely a terrible idea, but I made a promise to myself not to be provoked. And I intend to keep that promise. I slipped around the table and headed out.

It's the only place we haven't brought our fights, our problems to, in all these years. A place we couldn't destroy. One large square, partially hidden under the roof of the house, with smooth stones instead of a path leading up to the statue in the middle. To depict the perfect son that father desires so much and I have not come remotely close to. I went back through my memories even as I lay on the hot sand. In a small courtyard, hidden in the middle of the family estate, plucked from the world around it, such as dreams are plucked from ordinary life.

This stupid square, surrounded from four sides by walls that always tried to trap me in their grip, often came across as the freest place in the world. It offers a single undisturbed view of the sky. And looking at the white clouds, sliding across the blue sky and bright stars on an infinitely dark background, in their unreachable distance, when everything else seems so small, insignificant, and irrelevant. Here, it doesn't seem real that anyone could miss the man who was assigned the job and the life he would lead before he was even born. Here there's only simplicity under an open sky that allowed nothing else to approach.

"It's a terrible habit." the approaching voice jolted me from my thoughts of another escape from who I was.

"I know, I got it from you." I laughed, drawing the smoke back into me. I can barely remember when I started it, but it never got in the way for me. And neither did for him. Even such a negligible habit became part of both of us.

"From everything you can learn from me, you choose this."

"I didn't say it's the only thing."

Father stopped beside me, lit his own cigarette, with that hideously old lighter he always carries with him. He insists that we shouldn't use magic for everything, I don't share his view. I could lose that little thing in a matter of minutes. And without magic, I wouldn't even be able to find it again. "You continue to amaze me today."

"Sorry." I instinctively apologized without thinking about why I was doing wrong. I'm sticking to not being provoked into anything and not arguing with anybody.

"That wasn't a rebuke, Emmett. I'm just telling you what I see." I was taken aback by his reply. I had to look at his face to make sure he was serious. "You've changed."

"Really?" I pretty much doubt it. "Because it doesn't feel that way. I feel like I threw away two years, and for what? A beach house and..."

"You threw nothing away, you were happy, and now you feel like you shouldn't be, because we went to war. But the fact is, it's just another war. And you're needlessly blaming yourself for something that would happen even if you were here and it would turned out the same way." he leaned against one of the pillars supporting the roof above us. I used to do it too, I still do it. And somewhere in the back, I'm gnawed by the thought that I've just been eyeballing him, too. "What I told you in Dithune still stands. I don't need you to put on a uniform for me." I studied him, speechless. After years of heated conflict, he just tells me that I can actually do whatever I want, that I really don't need his approval, and I can just walk away. What's more, I had his blessing. I can't even tell if he's testing me anymore.

He can't just tell me something like that, not now. I accept the idea of staying here with or without Cat. I'm prepared for the cold weather, the rain that would have replaced that pesky sun with long rays and even longer days. I'm beginning to realize that it is something I really want, myself. And he's going to come up with a bomb like that and destroy everything that I've carefully built up. Just like that. Someone can't be doing this unwittingly. He has to manipulate me. Right? He's offering me a way out, just so I could go against him and stay. "You'll be perfectly safe with the documents, both of you. You can go back south or try another continent." he talks very calmly, he's had a long time to think about it. He's so well prepared, he wouldn't make it in a day. The son of a bitch doesn't want me to stay. I'm starting to feel like he wants to get rid of me at all costs. Because this 'it's not that bad' of theirs actually means they're deep up the arse. Desperate and ready to do anything. "Do you love her?"

"I guess so." I can feel his gaze on me, I'm concentrating as hard as I can on the stones beneath me. I know exactly what that sounds like. I should be sure of that. I should be thrilled to admit that I've never met anyone better, but it's not true. It's no good fooling myself about anything like this. "Cat is… fine," I said, but even I'm not sure that is enough to walk away with her, leaving both my father and the Heiress far behind.

"I think you should forget everything that's happened here. And start over, it doesn't matter with who." he said softly, after a moment of pleasant silence. It does matter who, and he sure knows it.

"I don't want to start all over again, it's going nowhere." I let a cigarette butt burn in my hand and folded my arms. "She said I owe you an apology and a thank you, Ans I mean, and I still don't know why. Neither of you have told me, you're just sending me among yourselves and I'm not enjoying it at all." father's expression finally changed. He started thinking about what he had to tell me to get rid of me. What's to leave out so I don't mess around? "And it's all connected, the war, how upset she was, that Jim's coming back now..." I have no real idea how it relates and if at all, I was just guessing and waiting to hear what he had to say. Maybe I'll move on, maybe I won't.

"Of course it's all connected, but she has no right to tell you that. You're my son, and she needs to understand that everything I do is in your best interest." a puff of white smoke rose from his mouth and disappeared into the gray clouds. "Damien can be very helpful from time to time. He didn't leave because he wanted to. When you decided to leave, I asked him to help me make you disappear. And it worked flawlessly. Andrea, along with Jonathan, insisted that losing track of someone like you was against their rules. A small exchange ensued and Damien lost. He's been gone about as long as you. He's only coming back because of what's going on."

"That's why you don't mind being told what to do, you can't control it. You lost, and so did he." with the way I heard myself saying those words, I realized they were true. I thought I was out of everyone's sight and they just forgot about me, but the opposite was true. They wanted me back, everyone but my father. "You can't talk into anything. You're just waiting for them to decide because you've acquiesced to them. Have you gone mad? How did you even think of that?"

I had to lean on one of those horribly icy columns, too. I feel as if the pieces of the scattered puzzle have suddenly fallen into place. I never thought I'd just leave, and certainly not in the company of a Chastiser, we waited every day for someone to find us, but there never was such a day. It was weird, but mostly I put it down to being cautious. But none of it is true. My father arranged everything, as usual. He wanted to keep me away, not because he was following my wishes, but because he wanted to make sure nothing happened to his favorite toy. Hence the thank you. And that's why the apology, I thought I had to hide from him. But he didn't give a shit about what I'm doing, as long as its not here. I blamed him for taking too much care of me and he did the exact opposite. This is his damn thing,his I'd do anything for my kids.

"Emmett,"

"Please don't." I asked quietly. What was he thinking? It's another thing I owe him, and one I haven't asked for in the slightest. But she was right, he did it just for me, and he risked everything he'd worked for his whole life. His crown, his friendship with the Heirs, everything he believes in. "She's absolutely right, damn it, I owe you an apology and a thank you, Dad."

"It's not like that,"

"Of course it is, why would you do such a thing for all the Light?"

"Because you're my son."

"And that's good enough for you?!" I almost screamed. He just nodded gravely. This is one of those things I just don't understand. His ambition spans far beyond anything I can imagine. Everything I would ever want to achieve myself. And in the blink of an eye, he'd trade everything for me. For something he thinks will make me happy. Why?

"I had no choice. You left, and I didn't even know if you planned to come back." he said calmly. "You've made it pretty clear what you think and how you see our whole relationship."

"And do you remember exactly why I left?"

"I don't think I could ever forget it."

"But you still can't stop it." I can't believe it. Why am I doing this to myself, I believe over and over that he's going to change and he's going to leave me in a reality where nothing ever changes. A better question would actually be why I thought I could change myself, I'm part of it. I was born literally to continue his work. It's my only purpose. And for once, I got tired of running from it. I want to be a part of it.

"I did exactly what you wanted me to do. I have disappeared from your life, as far away as the limits of our world will allow." he straightened up, he sounds terribly sad as he repeats my affective words. I wished I could take back everything I told him before I left. So much of what I said wasn't fair to him. It still isn't, but I've never really regretted it. I just can't. "But you can't expect me to erase you from my life. You'll always be my son, Emmett."

"I don't want you to erase me. Like before, all I'm asking is that you stop treating me like your property." I straightened up, too. This conversation keeps changing, turning another hundred and eighty degrees every minute. "I know I can't stand to be here with you every day. But I was wrong, Dad. I want to end these arguments, I want to find some compromise, and I want to stay here."

"Nothing would please me more." he smiled proudly at me. I felt that we both knew that these were just words that we both had to back up with our actions. It's a start, though. We've both been waiting for it, and maybe it'll work this time.

"Fine, fine. We should go back."

The way back to the others was a lot easier when he walked beside me. Catarina, moreover, has a better understanding with my family than I do, or so it seems. In the end, she probably won't be so bad at pretending and giving false smiles. As a result, I was able to more or less sit it out and wait for my father to decide to release us.

"What kind of contract did Andrea bring you?" I asked, as Cat said goodbye to the others. She sounded pretty sincere when she said she was looking forward to meeting again.

"It's not a contract. It's all the informations on the planned attacks. Neither of those geniuses knows how long they'll argue. In the meantime, someone has to," he stopped. He probably felt he'd said too much.

"When will their meeting begin?"

"Tomorrow afternoon." he announced reluctantly.

"Did she tell you where she'd be at the casino?"

"I know what you're thinking. Don't. Whatever you tell her, it won't change her mind."

"Maybe not, but someone has to tell her. Do you know or not?"

'Thirteen."