The first thing that hit me on the other side of the portal was a horrible sweet smell. There are dead bodies nearby - decomposing bodies, and judging by the strength of the smell, it won't be a small pile. The dark corridor leads me to the fact that maybe I should have waited a little longer after all. Maybe the portal I opened is leading me to another place. Who would run into such a stinking hole? And hid between the crumbling walls that inspire no confidence and offer no comfort. I cautiously continued down the dimly lit corridor. Ready to turn around and go back. I must have made a mistake somewhere. Catarina wouldn't run here even if she had to. She would get her short skirt and blonde hair dirty. And that doesn't suit her. She is so embarrassingly girly.
My doubts were dispelled only by the soft click of the bolt.
It's always this sound…
The light from my hand illuminated the woman on the ground. Her blonde hair sticks to her sweaty forehead. The white T-shirt is newly decorated with a blood stain, as are the pants. Since when does he even wear pants? I thought her wardrobe only revolved around short skirts and dresses.
She's definitely hurt, but it's hard to tell how badly through the extent of the blood. It doesn't seem like a deep wound because she makes no effort to stop the blood before it leaves her body. But there is enough blood on her clothes. "Oh… it's just you?" she said with disgust.
"Just me?" I replied, offended. How is that? Do I have no authority? In my immortal beauty and with a weapon that can kill anything. Who the fuck was she waiting for? "The Guard hit you nicely." I stated. Somehow I feel much less inclined to kill her. When she's already injured and can't even stand up and defend herself. And we've proven long ago that her bullets fly much slower than my shield goes up. That is, if I'm prepared to raise it.
"It wasn't the Guard." she smirked. She lowered her pointed gun. "I was actually trying to help them." she laughed in disbelief, shaking her head, clutching her hip as she did so.
"Why?" I remembered the makeshift first aid someone had given Cayden. I never thought she would help him. She's more of the type that would finish him on the ground.
"Edgar was talking about a diary, it took time to figure out what he was talking about."
"Why would you oppose him?"
"Because that diary is evil. The man is completely out of his mind. He's been crazy all along, but now he's really skipping." she tried to straighten, ice blue eyes flashing. "He sent me there with the group I commanded. We just had to get in and out. It must have occurred to him that I wanted to leave with the book, so he got there and almost killed us all." it sounds like terrible nonsense. But she must be telling the truth, I don't feel like she's lying. And it fits together quite nicely. Plus, she's in a position where I'm her only way out. And not only does she know it, but she will do anything to survive.
"Do you know why he wants the diary?" I asked. She's been obediently serving Edgar the whole time. Must've been. Emmett convinced himself he’s forcing her to do this. It’s clear she has been working for him all this time. It has to be this way. Besides the fact that all the wrinkles around her 'leaving the Dishonests' just smoothed out on their own, she's perfect for keeping an eye on Emmett without him knowing. So why did she turn against her master now?
"He wants to hand it over to someone, someone he's afraid of, but I don't know who it is. They have some kind of deal,” her blue eyes scan me again, her eyebrows shot up. She shook her head in disbelief. "You know, you're just testing it," she gasped.
I let the sword in my hand disappear again. A new wave of rage is approaching, it could engulf me at any moment, pull me under the surface and suffocate me. The woman on the ground is once again the least of my problems. Killing her wouldn't solve anything at all. Rather the opposite. Fuck. "As much as I hate to admit it, I'm going to have to help you out."
"I don't need your help." she tried to prove her claim. Her attempt ended rather quickly. She can't straighten up properly, let alone stand up.
"I don't care what you need. Aside from the little thing where you probably saved Cayden's life.” I walked over to her and kneeled. "You might still proof useful."
"So what, instead of taking my head, you're going to put me in a nice cell?" she continued in a biting tone.
"Don't be so dramatic..." I laughed, if my laughter hadn't been interrupted by a cough, it would have been something. Catarina looked at me in surprise as I wiped my blood on my pants again. If I took her to the cell, she would get away with it very easily. And if she tried just a little harder, she could cover her tracks and no one would find her. I bit my lip to keep from saying anything else.
I took us away from that stinking hole. Even though everyone has access to Emmett's apartment, it's paradoxically the safest place I can take her to. I raised my hand to silence her before she could draw a breath. I don't want to listen to her protests. "You roll up your shirt first so I can heal you up. Then I'll go get Emmett, he knows about Edgar and all this shit. He'll help you escape. Edgar has no idea Em knows about any of this so be careful and try not to endanger Emmett. And while you're at it, you can talk to each other. I'm guessing you have a very good explanation for him, or a very nice lie. Either should work."
Catarina hesitantly picked up her dirty T-shirt. A black bruise began to form around the slight scratch on the tanned skin. He couldn't hurt her with an ordinary blade. He had to add magic to it. Of course he has to make my work harder and hurt her in a more painful way that is much harder to fix. "He was with you in Narral, wasn't he?" I didn't answer. If Emmett wants to explain it to her, he can. But it's none of my business. And I don't want to confide in her under any circumstances. "He won't understand it anyway, it will always be his father."
"Yeah, Emmett just won't get this." I smirked and rolled my eyes. "You should know him as well as I do, you know why he doesn't get along with Edgar. And you know he doesn't trust him." if anyone can understand anything, no matter how personal, it's Emmett. "Take a breath." I commanded, as soon as she did I cast the spell. Catarina cried out in pain, the black colour around the wound instantly disappeared and closed right after. There's a way to cast the spell painlessly, but I can't help it and force myself to do it.
"You did that on purpose." she accused me immediately.
"I don't have all day to play your babysitter," I looked at the watch on my wrist, it’s already after midnight. "all night actually." where did all the time go? I slowly got used to sleeping in a warm bed every night and usually not alone. Now I have an unpleasant return to hard, bloody reality. I probably won't sleep for the next few days either.
"Your nose," Catarina snapped me out of my thoughts. "it's bleeding."
I touched it carefully. She's right, my fingers are covered red. I'm so sick of all the magic I can't even feel it. "You're all kind of observant today." I guess I can't cast spells with impunity after all that happened. It must be Oakfort catching up.
"How? I thought your power..." damn, of all people, my condition scares Blonde the most.
"Our power is limited by our bodies." still quite human and vulnerable.
"You know who Edgar is so afraid of?" she asked again. There's something about that naive face of hers. No wonder Emmett adores her so much. She almost looks cute.
"Where's Edgar?" I asked in return.
“In the old study, I think, but I'm not sure.” she answered obediently. "He's acting really weird, he's changed almost everything he normally does." she was silent for a moment, raising her blue eyes to me. “And he's willing to do whatever it takes to get it done.”
"Forget Edgar and the ones he's afraid of. It's none of your business, and I mean it. If you're going to be useful, convince Emmett to disappear with you again. Just for a few days. Despite what you think about me and him, Emmett is serious about you, he loves you. I don't know why, but if it gets him out of here, I don't really care." I don't want to say goodbye to my friend and I'm not sure if he'd even take up such an offer, but if he's going to be away from the Twins and whatever his father is planning, it's worth a shot. Blue eyes looked at me in fear. Finally, she nodded. Her hesitation gave me just enough time to put her to sleep. Not that I don't trust her, but she really likes to run away and I need her to stay. And I can't believe it's something I really want, but I need her.
Sáules has plunged into a dark night, two otherwise bright moons are missing from the sky and the stars are hiding behind an impenetrable wall of clouds. It is typical of Athran, but under certain conditions, ominous. The only thing that illuminates such a dark night are dozens of fires, around which the only people who are still on their feet - the guards - are marching. And one such pair is approaching me right now, in a uniform that blends in with the dark night. Both passing men are sane enough not to ask stupid questions and take me straight to their commander. To what looks like a bedroom he reserved for himself.
I'm surprised by the light being on, I thought he was already sleeping. But Emmett either goes to bed very early or not at all. It's not a very cleverly laid out system, but it seems to have worked for him for over a hundred years now. And I won't take it from him, sleep has never appealed to me either. It's a terrible, unwarranted waste of time. If only the lack of it didn't lead to hallucinations and similar problems, it could be left out completely.
He is sitting behind a simple table and writing something down, at least it seemed that way at first, only when I stopped by him I noticed he was working on some sketch of a room, with wide doors and a lot of tables "Ans, is something wrong?" he asked dispassionately before looking up. When he saw me, his eyes widened, he stood up sharply. "What happened!?" I realised I hadn't changed yet.
“It's not my blood, most of it.” I stopped him quickly. It's not a very satisfying explanation, but I'm not sure I can explain to him everything that happened. Certainly not from the beginning. And I might not even make it to the end. I don't want to have Cayden's blood on me, but it's one of those issues that has fallen to the bottom of my priorities.
He still wears a dark blue uniform with five silver trapezoids, indicating his rank. I'm already used to the fact that he only wears ordinary T-shirts. The uniform makes me really angry, suddenly I'm talking to the general and not my friend "What the fuck is going on?" he stopped right next to me, carefully examining individual parts of my body. He wiped the blood from my face, grunted something angrily and moved to find some more serious wound. Finally he took my still bloody hand and dragged me into the bathroom. Some of the blood must belong to Catarina I figured. Today is worth the shit.
"I'm so tired of explaining, Em. Everything is going to shit faster than I expected. You just need to know I found Catarina and no, I didn't hurt her, quite the opposite." I started as I tried to wash all the dried blood off my hands. It doesn't want to let go of my light skin at all. It's as if the memories of this day have decided to stay with me for good. The water is boiling hot, but the blood is still there. And looking at it, I have to keep thinking about everything that led me here. The rift, Daniel and Cayden. I added more soap and continued to rub my hands.
"So you helped her?" he asked suspiciously. One eyebrow going up.
"Keep the faces, I had no choice." I moistened the towel and started wiping my perfectly clean hands again. I can't shake the feeling they are still dirty. Covered with blood and not only mine. And even with clean hands, I still look terrible, which is probably why the guards didn't ask anything and just moved out of the way. I wouldn't want to know either if I saw me.
My entire shirt is ruined, soaked in the blood of several people, and I've only had it on for a few hours. So are the pants. Emmett came back with a t-shirt in hand and handed it to me as he turned around. He knows me for so long, better than anyone, and he always turns around anyway. Something about that gesture brought a slight smile to my face. With everything that's going on, I can count on him even with such a detail. "She helped Cayden, so I owed it to her, I guess. She's at your place in Carcatou, you'll just have to wake her up. I'd say there's a whole bunch of people coming after her. Turn around." his t-shirt is pleasantly soft and smells just like his fruity perfume. "I guess you don't have a pair of clean pants."
"This tiny? Do I look like a dwarf? I hope her explanation makes more sense." he frowned and ran a hand through his perfectly styled hair.
“I hope so too, you have to hide her somewhere, at least until I deal with Edgar.” I checked my reflection in the mirror. Red eyes accentuate the circles under. And the blood from the nose is a very nice touch. I rinsed my face with cold water. It's refreshing, I just still feel miserable. I can't wait to let my body fall into bed and switch off for a few hours. With the help of a handful of white pills to be sure.
"You'll deal with him?" he asked with concern in his voice.
“Don't act like you don't know me.” I looked at him disappointed. Even though I want revenge, I can't just kill him. There are rules my family has established and I don't dare to break them, because then what would be the point of such rules. Plus, I can't just kill Emmett and Steven's father and carry on like nothing happened.
“Steven took away his signet ring,” he said, surprised by what he’s saying. Why would Steven do that? Even if he admitted that Edgar was not to be reckoned with, taking this step is a huge undertaking.
"He…I wouldn't ask him for that seal. Never. Fuck, I wouldn't give up my seal for anything and it doesn't matter who asked me. And anyone else who would ask Edgar would end up in a pool of blood. That must have pissed him off so much." in some way it explains Edgar's attack on my guard. He's running out of options, just like me. He's running out of patience. "Edgar will face a hearing for this, the Senate will ban him from magic for good, he'll have to stay under supervision. There may be more sanctions to come. I've got to stop him before he does any more damage."
"More?" eyebrows went up again.
"Yeah, more. He has Katary's journal and don't ask me why. I don't know." I ended his questions forcefully.
“I can't leave for Cat, I'm still in charge here." he added, after a moment's thought.
"Hand it over to someone and write it down for me on paper and I'll take care of the rest. I know you want to talk to her." I went back to the room and handed him a pencil and paper. With that, I found the nearest bottle and drank. I have another Guardsman's funeral coming up. Two in one year, it's been a long time since that happened. But then again, neither did two psychopaths, nor Edgar's attempts to deprive my family of power that is not his in the slightest. Only now we don't have another Athran to silence him and keep him busy for a while. Maybe we'll find another colony, maybe somewhere in the southern continent. It's terribly boring there, and whatever he does there, stays there. We'll just send him somewhere where everyone is screwed.
"Give me a minute," he snapped me out of my thoughts. "rest for a while." he turned his back on me.
“Emmett give me that name now.” I grabbed his shoulder before he took another step towards the door. “I can't stop and wait now. I know exactly where my thoughts would go.” to the memories of all the blood and the unbearable feeling of defeat in A Dun'Amanh. My job doesn't sit well with losing. Fuck, we have it as a family motto.
“Come here, Ans.” he turned to me so he could hide me in a tight hug. “You need rest, just like us common people.” rest sounds good. It's just that it's probably the last thing I can focus on right now. I should talk to Stephan. And Ethan. I owe him at least what little I know.
“He killed Junior.” tears come to the surface again. I left them. There's nothing easier than hiding with Emmett for a while. Letting him calm me down.
"I'm so sorry, Anie. I liked that man." with me in his arms, it's much easier to believe the lie that everything is fine, that I can get through this, that I won't crumble before the battle. I can so easily tell myself the Barrier is not falling apart and my friends aren't dying. That I will not lose, no matter how the battle turns out. "I'll hand it over here to Fallien," he released me, cupping my face in his hands. "get to my baby bro, talk to him. He'll take care of you. Do you understand?" his soothing voice is all I need.
I fight the urge to curl back up to him. I know if I asked him to, he would stay here with me. All night, all day. And he wouldn't say a word if I didn't want him to. That's why I can't ask him out loud to leave. I can't let him go. I could never do it. I’m always the one who leaves.
He scribbled a name on the paper. His handwriting looks elegant, even if he doesn't try to make it look nice. The thin piece of paper ended up with me as I set out on my next journey. For the umpteenth time this night. I overcame fatigue and dizziness again.
His apartment is unusually dark. Someone pulled the curtains on all the windows and I have a reasonable suspicion it wasn't him. He always complains he has to stretch them the next morning and he can't see the mountains right after waking up. So it's someone else's fault, and this time it's not Emmett. I snapped my fingers and turned on the light. He has a terrible mess here, did someone fight in his apartment too? Pillows from both sofas are lying scattered on the floor without a thought, and among them are pieces of clothing, not only men's, it seems. So there was no fighting here, he was just enjoying himself while I tried not to screw up my job even more? That doesn't seem very likely to me. He's way too serious. "Steven!" I called. The bedroom door is closed, that doesn't look like him either. Unlike my apartment, no one comes to him at odd hours and unannounced. As I do now, and when someone comes, he wants to hear them, so he leaves it open.
"Steven!" I called again, a little louder, reaching for the doorknob. I'm surprised he's not up yet. He usually wakes up immediately. But what do I know, how much the morning at Oakfort had exhausted him. Broken ribs probably won't be nice for him even after he's healed.
I repeated his name again and opened the door.
The bedroom is in a similar state to the living room, curtains drawn tightly, pillows scattered on the floor. All that’s left on the bed is Steven, the blanket, and someone else. That explains the clothes and everything else. I mean it doesn't really explain anything at all, but one can infer a lot from it. It seems to me he is slowly, very slowly waking up. I slammed my clenched fist into the door panel in anger. This reliably woke both characters on the bed.
"An…" he mumbled sleepily.
“I hope I'm not interrupting you on something important.” I said in a perfectly cold voice. “Seems like I'm late for the fun part though.”
"Fun… what?" he asked confusedly, holding his head in his hands. He half sat up. How much did he drink? He was to supervise the situation on the front. He wants so much to participate in everything, and if I leave it in his probably not-so-capable hands, he goes to get drunk and sleep through the rest of it. And in the end he always blames me because I'm the one here who doesn't believe him. At the same time, he behaves like an irresponsible child. It's perfect.
This is really a great situation, I'm chasing everything possible and he's here enjoying himself drunk. Now he's got a hangover to go with it. And I'm left fucking nothing.
He removed his hands from his face, green eyes looking at me uncomprehendingly. I nodded my head to the brunette in his bed. It might be the anger, but I find her repulsively ugly. She looks familiar, but maybe all women in Athran just look equally uninteresting. The thin figure lacks anything worth talking about. The face is the same, all its elements are boring and uncharacteristic. Over all a poor substitute for me.
I couldn't stand looking at her for a second longer, my brain came up with a series of ugly things that could happen to that woman and also with a series of arguments that prevented me from doing so. There is no rule that prohibits infidelity, mainly because it would destroy both Damien and Jon. And since the woman doesn't seem like a threat, I can't do anything to her. Correction, I shouldn't do anything to her. There is no one who can stop me. But I just washed all the blood off myself. I don't want to repeat the whole process.
I turned and headed back to the scattered pillows in the other room. The view isn't any better, but the pillows are fairly easy to replace, should something bad happen to them. Maybe I could burn them to dust. Along with this fucking castle. We'll say it was an accident and rebuild it in bright whites and a nice dose of gold.
“I know what it looks like, but I have no idea who she is.” he came to me. He managed to pull up his pants, but he still looks awful, with the dark circles under his eyes, his hair messy, and that stupid confused expression. For the first time, the sight of him really upsets me. And perhaps for the first time, I look at him and feel nothing but anger.
"It’s seriously fucking amazing you know what it looks like, I thought I was going to have to explain it to you… I'm not in the mood for your excuses." I surprised myself by how measured my voice is. We never talked about it, but somehow I deduced from his behaviour -probably wrongly- that our relationship is only ours. Without others involved.
"I'm not making excuses." he argued irritably.
"Alright." I bravely faced the look of green eyes, I wanted to believe them, but I couldn't. "Emmett's gone and Fallien is in command. I," I looked at the paper in my hand. I can't believe how quickly everything has changed. Since that stupid meeting, I've lost my hopes in Barrier's strength, I've lost my faith in the undisturbed peace of A Dun'Amanh, and I've lost that stupid book and Junior. And now came the last blow, which took away all my last certainties. "I'm just here to give you this paper. You should sign it and send it back. But of course it's up to you. After all, it's your army." I put the paper on the table, a few steps away from me. I can't walk up to him and hand him the paper like I normally would.
“I don't care who's in charge, you have to listen to me now.” he switched to a conciliatory tone. I would prefer if he screamed. I don't have the strength to do it after the whole night, and his green eyes are draining me of the last remnants of energy that keeps me on my feet. He seems so honest, just the same as usual, but I have to remind myself how good he is at pretending. So good, I almost believe him.
I shook my head dismissively. "I really don't have to." I'm slowly realising the situation I've gotten myself into. After a night full of disasters, this put the crown on them. And conveniently, a king figures in the whole mess. “Despite what you think, it is not my duty to confess to you.”
He betrayed me, he gave me a blow so deep below the belt it puts the events of the whole night in a completely different light. I was desperately trying to save the man I had allowed myself to fall in love with. The man who, as everyone around the club claims, is my destiny. A man who should belong only to me. Making my life better, more bearable. And what is it for? Just one argument about who has the power here. All it takes is for me to refrain from managing the world once and he lets our life fall into small pieces. He let my life fall into meaningless little pieces. In a way that neither Julien nor anyone before or after him could.
“Nothing happened here.” another lame excuse, he's just a step away from someone else's panties. "Please…" I shook my head. Without thinking about it, I took the ring off my hand. “An, don't do it.”
"You can't even imagine how horrible this whole night was. I don't have the strength for this, Steven. I don't feel like dealing with this shallow shit. I won't do it again. I thought you understood. What my world is like, our…" a small circle glistened between my fingers as I turned it over. The promise of a happy future depends on that little piece of bimetal with a diamond. Giving it up is much harder than I expected. I don't want to give it up, but I can't keep it on my finger. I have to get rid of it and I have to do it now before I change my mind. Before he can talk me out of it. I know he could do it and I'm not going to let him. Not after everything that happened. Not tonight.
“Tell me about it.” he suggested as if nothing had happened at all. He's doing the exact same thing Edgar used to do when he was working with me. He changed the subject of the argument to something completely different, ready to chat so I could calm down in the meantime. He is an exact copy of his father. Equally arrogant and convinced of his infallibility. Perfect Steeles.
He looks so much like him and he doesn't even realise it. "Yeah, I'm not in the mood for you," my eyes filled with tears again, I put the ring on the table and clenched my fists. "or explain anything to you for that matter." my voice returned to a cold tone. “not this time.”
"You're not in the mood for me," he laughed with disdain, throwing up his hands angrily. "but you know exactly where Emmett is and what he's doing." he finally got angry. It's a little late for me, but at least I got to see it. “And you're wearing his shirt.” he pointed to incriminating evidence. Well, incriminating in his eyes. Bloody pants probably don't mean anything. Something inside me, not as deep as I would have liked, broke. Maybe my ideals, maybe a distorted idea of who he is.
"Which brings us back to the question of trust, doesn't it? I never gave you a reason to think such a thing." how can he think about something like that? "I never…” I gasped. “...never mind. I would have kept my shirt, but Cayden's blood ruined it. Outside of your perfectly organised life, the rest of us are trying to win a war." I answered him half absent-mindedly, but again completely truthfully. Although I owe him nothing of the sort. I owe him absolutely nothing.
Steven took two quick steps towards me, before he took the third, I was already gone. I wanted to go back to my place, but my apartment is full of people and bloody tracks. I can't go to Jon or Damien because they would bombard me with a bunch of questions that I wouldn't be able to answer. And I can't even go to Emmett's because I hope he's going on a trip far away from here.
With the growing emptiness inside me, I was left completely alone. There is no one I want to talk to. Nobody I want to see. I just headed to the only place where I don't have to explain anything. Because there emptiness exists together with the surrounding world and no one questions it. I couldn't name the place. I couldn't find it on the map, I don't even know in which country it is. It doesn't matter. I only come here on rare occasions and only when I need to think in peace.
It's a place far away from civilization and anyone who might recognize me. A large stone stands completely illogically in the middle of a winding forest path. Someone has to walk this way regularly, the grass doesn't grow on the road like everywhere else, but they always have to avoid that stone. It surprised me the first time I was here, more than four hundred years ago, and it still surprises me now. Why doesn't someone move the stone? Why don't they go elsewhere? How does this place work?
As if it mattered. You always miss the point. The ordinary beauty, without embellishments and your intervention. No gold and geometric patterns. Your ring means nothing here. Not even your name.
Bullshit…
I didn't ask your opinion, Rea.
I leaned my back against the bark of a tree. I breathed in the fresh air scented with tree leaves and damp soil, and waited for all the new sensations to bring me to my knees. I can still smell the metallic taste of blood. I don't even know if it's in my nose, mouth or just everywhere. I'm ready for pain, emptiness and rage. I wait for it but nothing comes. I still feel the same way. My body refuses to change anything. Ready, coolly waiting for the next task.
You can't be angry. Not here. You know how it works better than others. You know what kind of world you want. You always knew it, back then on that bridge, where we met.
You didn't jump down.
You didn't leave.
You will never leave.
I never wanted to jump. Why would I? Why didn't I leave long ago? Didn't pack it up? Instead, I observe bright leaves in the treetops. This forgotten place is so much more peaceful than the world my ancestors created. The world I helped to create. A world I had to take over and continue to lead. This place is more peaceful than the man-made gardens at my Palace. Friendlier than tall white walls. This is exactly the kind of world my grandfather wanted, like this place, but what makes it so special is its desolation. The problem is never magic, it's always people. They selfishly destroy the world around them to enjoy the few years they have in it. A few lousy, hard-wired years. And I can break so these people can find some peace. And for what? Now even that peace is not waiting for them. Because other unnecessarily ordinary people who think they have some right to eternity get involved.
And their life inevitably ends under a pile of dirt.
It will never be enough if you don't change it all yourself. Because you can't expect anyone else to ever do it.
That's just how we are. We crave power and fun. No one wants to break your rules, but breaking them... is human.
Human, hmm… this argument will never stop haunting me. The only one I got after long minutes of waiting in the quiet forest is anger.
Human…
In the end I made some progress. Anger filled every cell of my body. It is human to defy the Heirs. That was his entire argument. It's always this one. Because that's how people are. Because people cheat and like to have fun. I am angry because someone is purposely destroying the Barrier, the biggest part of my grandfather's Legacy, my Legacy. And I know exactly who. A mage who thinks he can take a part of our land and claim it as his own, saying he is equal to the Immortals. If he didn't directly cause it, he certainly helped with it. And on top of that, there's anger at the man who betrayed me in a way I didn't even expect. After all that crap about our future. Nice shit.
The pesky little part that always wants to fight and keep going has finally taken control of my body. It can't give up, ditch everything else and just wrap it up. No. This part always needs to prove something to itself or others. And I don't have the strength to argue with that part. It can take my immortal body and solve this situation for all of us.
Another dark corridor greeted me with a musty smell, it's starting to repeat itself. This night is just endless. It must be early in the morning by this point. I don't remember this place ever feeling so dark, but then again, I've never spent so much time here. He irresponsibly tried his tricks here and didn't care what would happen to the building or its surroundings. Perhaps it is the dark atmosphere of the place that forced Edgar to arrange a new study. Although this atmosphere would probably suit him. Who knows what's going on inside his crazy head?
Perhaps the reason for his departure was much simpler, it occurs to me as I observe the walls laced with glowing veins of magic. He is so obsessed with discovering the new that he completely forgets the old. Hopefully this barrack won't fall on my head before I find Edgar and get him out of here. He owes me answers, explanations, and at least one life, and I'm not in the mood right now to consider the fact he's my old friend.
Something flashed in the dark corridor right in front of me. I know I'm not alone here, it's not completely quiet and there are muffled footsteps all around - which doesn't bother me in the least - but it wasn't until I caught sight of it that I became interested. Whatever it is, it's very fast. And since Edgar usually doesn't bother to settle his own disputes, any henchman of his will go after me. With a learned move, I drew my dagger because if there are undead here, I don't want to risk them biting me. Again. Just the scratches hurt terribly.
I managed to partially illuminate the corridor, magic works in a weird way here. As if it was getting weaker and wanted to explode at the same time. Which is very encouraging. If I'm not careful, I'll blow myself up along with the building and my idiotic friend. "Edgar!" something he did here changed this place from the ground up. And it made using magic a pretty risky business.
Edgar is constantly teasing me about my twenty-meter statue on Lemford, and he has several of his own effigies just in this one, miserable corridor. Damn hypocrite. Besides, the Lemford statue isn't even the biggest they've ever built for me, so what the fuck’s his problem.
"If you expect me to look for you here," what else can I threaten him with. He doesn't have much left. But it would be good if he showed up. I can't find my way around the building, the dark corridors all look exactly the same, the empty rooms are full of furniture covered with sheets, the air doesn't move at all, there are no windows anywhere. I could almost swear the house changes as I walk through it.
Something moved in the shadows again and before I turned it was gone. "I'm not in the mood for your damn games!" why can't we just talk? If he's afraid of the Twins, he should stay out of my way and let me handle it. If he wants something else, he should just tell me.
The feeling I won't be able to return is getting worse and worse. I don't know which way is right. I feel all this magic around me, it behaves differently. It seems strangely foreign to me. And it doesn't seem to want to listen to my wishes and give in to me. Edgar prepared well, after a few minutes of marching through dark corridors and empty rooms, I finally admitted to myself that I was lost in an endless maze. But if Edgar is so eager for us to play, fine. I am ready. At least I have something to focus on instead of feeling sorry for myself.
Unlike other family members, I'm known for being good at bending the rules. And I'm done walking in circles. I chose the wall in front of me and decided that if I can't get anywhere through the corridors, I would just go straight through. A small ball of energy in my hands slowly began to form. The first of several blasts flew away, I failed to control all the elements of the spell. As soon as the ball became too unstable and the charges were flying in all directions, I threw it away. The resulting explosion blasted a hole in the wall, just as I had planned. More or less.
As a bonus, it sent me into the air, I fell to the ground moments later. At the same time, the whole building shook, more than I wanted. I should feel the pain of the impact, some consequence. I don’t have anything. I picked myself back up to my feet as the dust settled and crawled through the hole. I brushed the pieces off the wall from Emmett's t-shirt, hoping he didn't want it back.
A much bigger room opened up in front of me, I'm finally making some progress. The darkness doesn't allow me to see the room properly. I follow intuition rather than reflexes. I see nothing to tell me and yet my sword appears in my hand, flies up diagonally and blocks a blow I didn't see coming. A strong impact crushes my wrist. I immediately wish I hadn't summoned my sword. But it's too late. Another attack is coming. I jumped aside. I can't see the attacker hiding in the dark, I just dodged and waited for my chance. Between the other two tricks, I managed to partially light the room. It's the same room I saw in my vision. The dark stones on the wall directly repel the light, I can't see the end of the room, but it is long. And it scares me more than other places. I have an inkling of what will follow.
“We can talk instead of this.” I got out. I finally got a chance to retaliate. The assailant's face appeared, it wasn't Edgar's, it was Emmett's. Or rather his illusion. What is he trying to do? He won't distract me like that, I've fought him a thousand times.
“We've said enough.” his voice said behind me, I fight the urge to turn and swing my sword. I know Emmett's illusion can hurt me badly if I'm not careful. That complicates things a little.
"...it got us nowhere." another voice finished. I turned around and attacked him violently, trying to hurt him. He jumped with ease, his green eyes twinkling.
"So we're going to play stupid games instead?" I turned to the same man again. I realise there are at least two other opponents somewhere behind me, but I can't help it. I'm only angry with one of them. Truly pissed off. And with each new swing of the sword, I realise I really want to hurt him.
“This is not a game.” Edgar's voice is suddenly much closer. I turned just as he sent a blast of magic towards me. A sharp pain bit into my thigh. I had no chance to block it. My magic only partially obeys me here. Something is fundamentally wrong with this place. And he prepared very well. He knew I would come and be alone.
"So what… are you trying to kill me?" I asked angrily, he has no weapon, only magic, which puts me at a disadvantage. I have to concentrate a lot more on everything here. He just waves his hand and I can't.
"If I kill you now, you'll just disappear. And all this would be for nothing." the shadow of the third son spoke. I don't enjoy this family meeting of theirs one bit. I'll just have to focus on Edgar or this stupid show won't end.
"Well, so far it seems," I moved to a darker part of the room. I need to quickly calm down and get my bearings. "like you're improvising." I assessed the four men in front of me. He's not trying to throw me off balance. They are helping him, all assuming the exact same stance with the same half-mad look. This is how he must see them, a perfect copies of him. Each flawless, ideal Steeles.
“I never improvise.” Edgar replied calmly, another blast headed my way. I stopped it with my sword, it's better than getting hit again. My hand tingles, I gripped my sword tighter and swam back into the shadows at the first opportunity. My other downside is that I have to get Edgar to the Senate in one piece. He can make me anything, any shape and consistency.
"Wrong," I stepped back into the dim light. I have a little surprise for him. "complicated plans tend to go awry, Ed." I can't create a custom shadow like that on the fly here, but I managed to change my own appearance. A fourth son thus joined the congregation. I'm sure I remember his face correctly. He had Edgar's features but inherited most of his mother, fair hair, grey eyes, thin lips and a haughty look. He was a bit taller than his other sons. And unlike those three, he absolutely despised me and my entire family because we allowed ourselves to bypass death. He never failed to mention it.
"You have no right to do this!" he shouted angrily. It got me exactly what I needed. The images of the men at his side parted and let him through. A long sword appeared in his hand. And who is provoking whom now?
"Right? Are you kidding me?" I laughed and returned to my regular look. I'd hate to make a mistake because I'm concentrating on something else. "You broke every single fucking rule!" our swords met. The metallic sound mixed with the sound of shattering glass run through every cell of my body.
"I have no choice!" he repaid my attack. I jumped to the side, the blade flew past harmlessly, I didn't have time to jump away from a greenish discharge. With the same intensity as before it bit into my body.
I cried out in pain. I want to say something, but I can't even take a proper breath let alone focus on keeping my sword in my hand. The pain in my side has spread, eating me up from the inside. It keeps taking up more and more space in my body. And it can't be stopped. I have no idea how.
Edgar's sword glinted in the dim light. Knowing exactly what was coming next, I gripped the sword in my hand as tightly as I could with the last of my strength. I need to turn my arm at this impossibly weird angle, away from me, to cover the attack.
A strong impact swung my hand back into a much more comfortable position. My entire forearm tingles, but I didn't let go of the sword. Edgar seems as surprised as I am. As if he knew that he was supposed to knock it out with that blow, just like I knew. I took advantage of his hesitation and attacked him again with my sword. My eyes are twitching from all the pain, but I'm not ready to give up. And I'm pretty sure I hit him. I don't know where, but I felt it. My sword cut through something.
"It's gone too far," his face changed again. His youngest son stands against me. He watches me with green eyes, waiting for what I’ll do. I attacked. I have to. I can't let those green eyes watch me like that. See me as a weak girl.
He deflected the blow with such ease I had to take a step back. Rethink everything , while the green eyes are watching.
It's about time to face the facts, I'm not gonna win this one. I tried and for what? So that I could lose.
I managed to catch my breath, all the fury doing its part. I desperately don't want to give up. But what are my chances? I'm filled with rage and yet I'm sure I can't kill him.
Another painful blow hit me, almost in the same place as the previous one.
I screamed, but it seems all the pain drowned out my screams. My body can't take another round of gorging. I can't ignore it or stop it. I gasped. My eyes went dark, I felt the sword fly out of my hand. I hear the muffled sound of shattering glass hitting the ground. And I can't do anything about it at all. More pain’s getting even deeper. I didn't think it was possible, but it dug deeper. Flesh and bones no longer play a role here. If Immortals have anything like a soul, then this pain has reached it and torn it apart. I tried to scream, but I lost control.
I managed to change the vision. The last thing I saw was a glint in green eyes. I can't shake that look. He betrayed me again, it's not really him, I try to remind myself, but in the end it doesn't matter. Does it? He's supposed to be here for me, he's supposed to be here with me, but he's not. He made so many promises. And none of that matters anymore.
I hit the hard floor. I feel like I'm going to throw up at any moment from the pain or maybe because everything that was ever inside my body has turned to mush. All the feelings I was running from caught up, feelings that had previously taken a break. Knocked to the ground, I realised I had completely failed. I lost all strength. All power. Whatever Edgar did to me, there's no stopping it, not here. The shield, my own magic, the sword, Immortality itself. None of that matters. After all, I'm just a naive little girl and I've had enough.
I'm done.
With everything.
Fuck this night.
Someone lifted me off the ground. I cannot gain control over my own body. I hang limply on someone's hands, I let him carry me. I keep repeating to myself that Edgar has my sword right now, but somehow I can't get my head around what that means for me. I can't make myself care. I am completely in his power and I don't even mind. If he wants to kill me, I'll let him. I failed in everything already.
I destroyed the Legacy, no matter what I do, I can't fix the Barrier. Not now. If it falls, another army is already waiting behind it, which will probably be difficult to defeat if we stand against it with four swords. Well, three now. I lost the only man I really wanted to stay with. Actually, I didn't lose him so much as I just packed it up, because well... why? Because my rage won?
It doesn't matter. I can pretend for the last time that I'm in his arms, pretend that this day didn't even happen and he's still waiting for me. And then it will be over. Our forever turns into my definitiveness. Time and place cease to exist, and this world and all others can go fuck each other. Even the small, annoying, constantly fighting part of me has no problem with that. Maybe it's about time. I can't save anyone. I can't defend myself. I can't keep the ones that matter safe. I failed on all fronts. Absolutely and totally.
I'm supposed to be the most powerful beign, take over his role, and I can't get out of this crazy maniac's stupid spell. But why?
I dismissed the question. No more questions.
It's over.
It's just this one thing.
No, it doesn't matter. That's the final, definitive decision I've come to. Whether it's a garden with an endless sunset or empty darkness waiting for me, I've made a decision. I want to move and stay there.
It's just… he found a way to keep me away from my own power. Won. And I can't do anything about it.
But why?
There is enough magic all around, I can feel it running through my body. I just can't use it. How did he do that?
It's the place, it has to be. I walked into his old study, I got there on my own. But this is different, he confused me with those corridors and had to shift me some place else. Where?
I'm not ready to give up after all.
I forced my eyes open, the gnawing pain is easy to ignore as long as there is a mystery that needs solving. The columns on the sides are strangely familiar to me. That determined look in his eyes too.
"You woke up quickly," he stated as he turned to me. "I was already worried the spell wouldn't work on you. I had to cast it three times."
I'm not going to say anything to him, he always liked long speeches, that will give me enough time now. Did he cast a spell that was supposed to stun me three times? Three times? And that fast? So he uses simple spells, it can't be hard to break it.
"I never wanted it to end like this, but all four of you… it's always just about you. I knew not to rely on you. You're endangering my sons more than you're helping them…" how do I get rid of this? Do I have to overcome the pain? That feels stupid. "…I thought you understood me, that you wanted to save him too…” I can't move my hands to draw the rune. So what's left for me? "...none of you Immortals can be trusted unless it directly concerns you… or the Legacy.” I can only focus on the runes, project the entire formula in my head. That should be enough. That's always enough. "...but you'd never do it anyway. You'd rather let him die. I won't let it happen."
The hands that had been holding me up on my legs tightened their grip. Someone pushes me forward, closer to Edgar. I obediently went where they pushed me. I don't have the strength to break out of that grip. Or the motivation.
“The only thing that can kill an Immortal…” he looks at my sword with great interest as if he's never seen it before. He turns it in his hand, completely fascinated by the material and the design. Every single aspect, from the blade to the handle, continues to amaze him. The gleaming blade engulfs him completely. “It’s such a strange feeling holding it.” the pain I feel got weaker. Just for a little while, but it's almost gone. He didn't even realise he had released the spell around me. He is so fascinated by the sword. Just the fact he holds it should hurt him, I don't want him to hold my sword. But I can't do anything about it. Because he keeps me paralyzed. "Surely you understand that I have to convince myself…" hands crushing my shoulders pushed me up to him.
He took my left hand and turned it palm up. The paralysis spread, not only from his magic, but from my fear as well. I don't want him to do that. He can't do that. "Edgar, I'm giving you one last chance, you're going to doom yourself for good with this." my voice didn't even shake when I said it. I'm starting to understand what he's trying to convince himself of. I'm starting to feel the defiance of my own sword. He squeezed it so tightly the knuckles on his hand turned white. I can't take that thing away from him. He should hand it to me himself. It should want to come back to me.
It wants to go back and at the same time it doesn't. I feel it. My curiosity is reflected in my sword. He wouldn't do it. Or would he?
I want the thing back and I want to see what happens. What is the injury caused by that particular sword like?
My heart pounds furiously while my mind is looking for the scraps of sanity I have left.
I am drawn to the prospect of everything that can happen right now. What can that sword do? Everyone always warned me about this injury. To not allow anyone to use my own sword against me. But what could be worse? They taught me not to fear death.
And I can't bring myself to change it.
Death is simple, it should be final, and right now it's totally wanted.
"I doomed myself a long time ago. This is the only way to fix it." he placed my own blade on my palm. I can feel how cold it is. There's so much magic in it, pounding, ready to taste blood. Even my own. “I just need to know.” he pressed down on the blade and ran it across the soft skin of my palm.
The blade cut it open.
I have never felt such sharp, piercing pain. Thousands of small, sharp shards dug into my palm. One by one they penetrated deeper into the flesh. I think I screamed, tears welling up in my eyes. That bastard cut me with my own sword! He hurt me! With my sword!
I pulled my hand back. Close to my body. Blood from the wound runs down my forearm. A pure rage took over me looking at the cut palm. The wound is really there. It stretches from the index finger down, diagonally across the entire palm. Is there. And it will be there, for the rest of eternity. It won't go away like the others, it will stay there, like a normal human scar. From now to forever. "Fuck!" I shouted again. Anger has become the only thing I can feel. His lame attempt at hurting me with that spell suddenly seems so amateurish. It cannot match what my sword has done to me.
It hurt me.
Edgar looks at the few drops of blood on the blade in surprise. The red crystal pulses furiously, the sharp thing has the same opinion. I reached my bloody hand to it. I want it back. Now! Anger works much better than my attempts to focus. The sword flew from his hand, followed a curve and landed in the outstretched left hand. The blood continues to flow from the wound, the pain spreads and I don't give a damn. I have to grip my sword tightly. I want my sword covered with my blood. I want it to taste it. To feel exactly what I feel. The same rage. All doubts about who I was vanished in an instant. "These swords, are subject to the will of the Immortals! You can't just take one and expect it to serve you!" I am his Heir, true and only Successor. And I've just had enough of all the disobedience around. "You're going to have to give me a really good reason not to kill you here and now!"
"You can’t!"
"Where is Katary's journal, Edgar?" the perfectly cole voice returned. Illusions around melted away. It's just me and him here. Edgar took a step back, so I decided to help him. I pushed him against the wall. This time he cried out in pain. "I swear, on everything I hold dear. On the Light itself and my own family, nothing better awaits you than a cell with your name on it. Give me that stupid book and I'll allow you a few visits. If there's anyone who wants you see after all this."
"I can't give it to you..." I put my elbow on his neck. Just push... "it's my only insurance since you don't protect him now..." insurance? I just pushed harder on the soft skin.
"Why shouldn't I protect him?" I asked confused.
"You don't have… the ring…" he had to look when I was out, but why would he think I wasn't protecting him anymore? He knows me well enough to know that.
"I would never break my word." I let him take a breath. Big mistake. He disappeared right in front of me. I hit the wall with the elbow that had been choking him a moment ago. I'm not a bit surprised it didn't hurt.
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