The Boudless Blossom! 2/2 (TS_42)

Jon's apartment in Nerkam is the exact opposite of the place he otherwise calls home. Although the furniture sticks to his favourite palette of gray shades, everything here is modern. The high walls are decorated with gray wallpaper and a series of triangles, in front of it is a white sofa, opposite is a small table with some crumpled papers, in one corner is a small bar and in the other a piano, she stands in between.

"What part of - I don't want you to be a part of my life - don't you understand?" I turned directly to her. It's like looking into an outdated mirror with hideous ears.

"I had to do it, someone was trying to poison him. I'm—"

"Way off! As usual." I took a deep breath. I haven't felt such a surge of rage in a long time. "I knew someone would try to poison him! That's why I gave him Varral! And then you got involved, complicating everything. Why are you even here?" I started marching. If I stayed still, I could talk myself to hurting her in front of Jon. He has many things here that could be used for such a purpose, a letter-knife on his desk, a lamp a little further away, pillows. With a little expertise, I could use his set of glasses. It would be messy, but hey… "If something happens to him because of you…" my heart is pounding, I realised I could have killed Steven with my intervention just as easily as the poison. I didn't even think to consider that someone else might be involved.

"Varral? But that's awfully dangerous." she objected. Despite the similar appearance, each of us has a completely different voice, hers is much higher and always sounds very surrendered. Like she'd give in to any one. She can make me so angry with a single sentence. She's an Immortal and, according to Jonathan, part of the family, so she should sound a little confident. But she's a bloody coward and can't do anything about that.

"It wouldn't be dangerous if you didn't add your damn concoctions to it. You could have easily killed him with that shot. What the fuck did you think? Do you even know what year it is? What century!?" I threw up my hands in despair. I can make a long list of side effects. Permanent and temporary, if he's not like us and I got it wrong. That would be really bad. "What are you even doing here? Actually, don't tell me! Stay away from him and me. Just keep doing what you do best and get out."

"Andrea!" Jonathan's voice boomed behind me. In my rage, I completely forgot he's here too. He crossed the room and stood next to a woman in a creamy dress. I've seen dozens of women stand by his side over the years, and none of them match him as well as my mother. They look like a perfect couple, which turned out to be a perfect lie.

"I can't stay away from you. You are my daughter. And you are in danger, both of you." she can't back off now. I always thought she was a little crazy, but only now can I see it in her wide open eyes. It's hard to believe we have anything in common, but then again, at least I know how crazy I'd look if I lost it.

"Well, that's some fucking news to me." I said quite taken aback. I hid my face in my hands. This seriously can't be happening. I have no arguments. I just want her out. Again, I want her to disappear from my life, which she is not even a part of in the first place. What is she playing at? This - I'm your mother - of hers means nothing. She never cared about me, all she cares about is my father. And why the fuck is she warning me about something I've been trying to figure out for almost a year? Is she making fun of me? Is this some attempt at a joke that I don't understand?

"Andrea, I'm warning you." Jonthan's voice is just as calm as mine. He doesn't scream, which means he's probably as angry as I am. Although probably for different reasons. He doesn't mind her being here as much as I do.

"You should see each other, you're both playing my parents. You know exactly what's best for me, what I need, and you warn me, but of what, hm?" I looked at them both with my hands on my hips. A perfect pair that I cannot rely on in any way. "Should I be worried about the war or that Steven might die even during that stupid celebration? Do you also believe in that vision and inevitable fate? Are you bringing me any useful news about the Twins this time, or are you going to wait until they take me and try to suffocate me again? And take your time with help, like last time. After all, I'm your Child of Light, so I don't need help anyway."

"Anie,"

"It's all connected. He is your destiny as you are his." she started again. "All this time they have a clear plan, she had a clear plan,"

"Please spare me." I interrupted her. "I'm not going to listen to this nonsense again. I don't have the nerve to listen to the ramblings of some crazy woman. I've told you so many times, it's not going to happen." I sighed, if I had known we would get back to this I wouldn't have come here. Although, I should have guessed. I should have stayed with him.

"These are not my ramblings. She needs you both to return safely." she always comes with this nonsense. She has been adamant about it since I first spoke to her. She is literally obsessed with this paranoid fear. The reason she had to leave when I was born. As if some story could make up for the fact that she simply left. She left a small child and the possibility of being in my life. So what the fuck is she playing at?

Jonathan looked at her, I expected him to try to stop another barrage of her nonsense. Instead, he took a step towards her. "She's not coming back," I assured her. "how many times do I have to tell you. It's not possible! Damn it, explain it to her, dad!"

"Elizabeth is trying to tell you, she," he looks at her in a completely different way, those bright eyes watching the woman next to him. I don't want him to look at her like that. He shouldn't look at her like that. Why is he doing it?

"Oh no…" I gasped as I watched helplessly as he reached out to her, pulling her close. Into his own arms. That's why Damien doesn't talk to him. He knows they got back together and he didn't even warn me. What a jerk!

"Anie," he tried that comforting tone as he held the green eyed monster close to him. As if it was nothing. Just another day in eternity. I feel my heart, pumping blood frantically until now, preparing me to save the man I love, slowing down. It has almost stopped, and with each strike it goes slower and slower. Deep into the darkness where I can't follow it. I was completely speechless, I lost control over my own voice, my own thoughts. "your mother…"

That's the last I heard. My mother. Aeli'neth. She's standing right in front of me, smiling calmly at Jonathan, not at all bothered by how much trouble her presence is causing. How much pain. She doesn't care that she put Steven in unnecessary danger. She doesn't care how I feel about putting him through this. She doesn't care how her own daughter feels. She doesn't care how crazy she sounds when she tells her story about why she left. And now she's decided to come back and he doesn't mind one bit. On the contrary. He selfishly welcomes her presence. That's why he had the damn ring all these years, because that's exactly what he was hoping for. He was trying to achieve just that.

He's talking to me, he's been talking to me all this time, but I can't hear a single word. I can't absorb any of it. I can only feel how a huge ball of anger and hatred is peeling off from the hole into which I have laboriously pushed it for many years. How like a ball of vile slime it peels away from the edges of that hole and dissolves into the feeling of pain behind it. How it envelops all my feelings and destroys me from the inside.

Jonathan was never the best father. He tried his best and I always thought that was enough. But what if it wasn't?

Until now, I didn't believe that he could betray me like this. Mild disappointments are everyday business, but this is new. A blow below the belt that I don't deserve. "That's why Jim is so angry with you, you're such a hypocrite!" my voice broke at the end. Jon's eyes changed, the sparks of joy gone as tears welled up in mine. He realises what he's doing and how it hurts me, but he can't stop it. He never would. His decisions are his and he never apologizes for them.

He let go of the woman beside him and took a few cautious steps towards me. "Anie, listen to me."

"No," I whispered, shaking my head and taking a step back. I'm afraid my voice will betray me again. Jon held out his hands to me. I don't want him to comfort me, I don't want him to explain anything to me, and I don't want to be near him at all. "don't touch me." I gained control over my own voice. Everything changes with this. My own father consciously chose the one option that I cannot forgive him for. He preferred her to me. "After everything… you choose her?" I asked in disbelief.

"I didn't choose. It's always been this way." he countered calmly with his hands still out to me. Maybe he expects me to go to him, hug him and everything will be like before. That we will be a happy family that sticks together. But he couldn't be more wrong.

"Yeah, you've never been there for me when it really mattered. So why change it now?" tears burned in my eyes, I didn't allow myself to cry. "Just give me both a break."

I went back to the only person I care about at the moment. To the one person I can selfishly throw my own problems at and count on to be there for me. Knowing him, he would probably thank me for it. He deserves something much better than me, the problems of the Immortals and the dangers that come with it. Why can't he see any of this? Is he really that much alike?

He's standing with his back to me, arms folded, I think he's talking to Bastien. He paused as soon as he heard my footsteps and turned to follow the sound. He has one of his absolutely perfect, genuine smiles on his lips. The green eyes are once again full of life, as if none of this had happened. He brushed his hair off his forehead and walked over to me. I hid in his arms. I have to try so hard not to cry, but not even he could stop the flood of tears this time. "I was wondering where you went." he gripped me tightly. "Anie, you're shaking all over… what happened?"

"It doesn't matter now, I'm here." I let go of him and straightened up. He's right, I'm shaking and I can't stop it. It dawns on me that I have put him in danger again, leaving him in my mother's hands. She could have killed him. I could have killed him. And someone else who started it all. Steven smiled at me, reached out and stroked me. Just as gently as at any other time. He looks much better, even managed to put his jacket back on. It makes it so much harder for me not to cry like a little girl. "I'm so glad you're okay. I… please don't ever do that again."

"You know I can't promise you that." he assured me quietly. I would prefer a false promise. A convincing lie. "But I'm here, you don't have to worry about me. We still have a bit of the evening ahead of us." he wants to go back? Should we go back?

"Do we have to go back?"

"We're almost out of the ten minutes." he laughed looking at his watch. I don't know what surprises me more. The fact that it all happened in just ten minutes or the fact that he can keep track of time in such a situation. I almost lost it in such a short time, which is horrible in itself and on top of that I've seen my mother. That doesn't add much to the quality of the evening. And then I saw her with Jon. He wants her to stay with him even after she left. He's happy she's back. She really is back... so I'll see her again, this century, this year. Maybe in a few days. That's a horrible thought. "Anie?"

"How do you feel?" I asked cautiously, examining him carefully, every bit of his body, but his life doesn't seem to be in danger. At least not at this moment. Bastien pumped him up with the full range of stuff that's holding him together at the moment, I'm sure. The question is how much time he gave him.

"Pretty good, actually, compared to how I've been, it's a walk in the park." the smile disappeared for a moment. "I can't do magic," I'm not sure if he's asking me a question or just stating the facts. And I'm definitely not ready to explain it to him. I shook my head to confirm his assumption. "alright then."

"I'll take us back,"

"Wait!" he stopped. "Has any one of you seen my crown?" he asked, turning to Bastien who shook his head laughing. I can't remember where he left the thing.

We went back to one of the corridors, the open windows let in the ice cold mountain air, surprisingly pleasant, helping me clear my thoughts. Unlike the air in the infirmary, soaked in disinfectant.

I just need to wait until the end of the celebration. All I have to think about is keeping a smile on my face, no matter how fake it is, and not letting Steven out of my sight. Not even for a second. And with a little alcohol, I might stop shaking. I saw my mother, so what? She's just a woman, and if I don't want it, she won't mean anything to me. It will be the same as before.

The music in the hall has become louder, we are about halfway down the hall and we can already clearly make out the words in the song, as well as the conversations between the guests and the occasional bursts of laughter that the singer tries to sing over. Or so it seems to me, though her voice remains just as clear. No one seems offended by our absence. On the contrary, everyone seems to be having a great time without us. Steven grabbed my hand and added to the pace.

"Aren't you missing something?" said a hoarse voice behind us. Edgar came out from behind the door with Steven's crown in hand. He turns it around slowly, examining it as if it might change somehow in that short time. I almost expected him to put it on. End the brief reign of his son. He could then protect him as he wished. And maybe I wouldn't even stop him.

"Not particularly." his son said with a smile.

"Steven Atwell! You can't run around here without a crown! It's enough that you both disappeared somewhere for who knows how long." he immediately began to instruct him in a whisper.

"Actually, I think,” he turned to me, taking off my crown. I forgot that I still have it on my head. It hurts even without it. "that I can do whatever I want. You should know better than any one. It wasn't a good party for you till you were satisfied outside the main halls. So," he thrust a gold ring into Edgar's other hand. "thanks dad, enjoy your evening." dragging my hand and me along with it, he did not stop until we were among the dancing couples, who were hastily jumping out of the way. His behaviour shocks me, I would expect him to want to lay off. Or at least slow down a bit.

"I don't recognize you at all."

"According to Bastien, I have about two hours before the first side effects kick in and then I'll be wishing the poison would kill me." he turned with me and smiled again. "Which does not strike me as a very pleasant prospect. So the way I see it, I should enjoy the time somehow."

"That logic cannot be contradicted." I smiled. This evening is getting weirder and weirder, every minute will bring something that I will think about for a long time. And it's definitely not nearing its end yet, in a way Steven is right. We have a measured time, a few hours, before reality catches up with us. And we should use it somehow. I should enjoy the time before reality catches up with me. Running away from it for just a few more minutes is something I can't refuse. Not when he's smiling. "So you don't want to hear why you can't do magic?"

"Not now." he stopped in mid-motion. He scared me with that, maybe Bastien miscalculated something. Steven gently took my face, lifted my head and gave me a long kiss. Slow music and a never-ending flood of blue and white flowers create a magical atmosphere. There are only two of us among all these people. Steven has this uncanny ability to grasp all my attention. Maybe others perceive it that way too, I never thought much about it. To me, there is only him, his messy hair, bright green eyes and a beautiful smile. For me, there is only the one man who has turned my world upside down, who continues to amaze, surprise and reassure me about who he is. "I love you too." he whispered, close to me, spinning me again to the beat of the music. For the first time in a long time, he seems really happy, really enjoying himself. And I can't spoil it for him. If ever I needed my fake smile to work, it's right now. It's easy to collapse into his arms and leave all the problems to him, but I can't bring myself to do it. Instead, I focus on everything else. Anything but my own family. Anything to keep a smile on his face a few more minutes longer.

Smiling, I took a step back, despite what we both wish, it's time to switch dance partners. Peter bowed with a smile and took my hand. "Do you have any idea how much time we spent discussing how we're going to suggest you marry the new king?"

"I hope you discussed this at your leisure." I can vividly imagine their discussion. Surely they have already prepared contracts that could have even more favorable conditions, Not necessarily for the whole country, but for them. "I'm not going to give him my crown."

"I know," he slowly turned to me and smiled again. He almost made me believe he was back to his old self. I hope he got back to it. I'm tired of arguing with him about taking back my own crown and with it a country he couldn't rule. The land that rightfully belongs to me. "Addison mentioned, I think he used the words, I have no plans to reunite Zessia with Athran…" he made me turn around before adding. "Sounds like a good decision, you're not exactly popular in Athran, among the nobility. Odinary people naturally adore you."

"Of course," I nodded. I know exactly what he's getting at. It's exactly what Cadwallen came across. People worship my whole family, here and back at home. And they basically don't care if I have a crown or not. The nobility, on the other hand, do not want to lose their income and the power they think wealth gives them, should Athran fall under our rule again. Not that it would ever completely break out of it. "How well do you know Riley?"

"How well can you know someone you've been working with for a few years?" Peter shrugged, the detailed collar on his gray suit billowing as he did so. "Getting on your nerves?"

"Just a little." I lied.

"I don't think you have a choice, at least Addison knows when to shut up. My new secretary can't stop talking." he complained and laughed again. I'm considering offering him to take Riley back, he's his secretary after all. But besides the fact that it would raise a lot of questions, I'd rather have him under surveillance. I'm still not sure what he's up to. It must have dawned on them that even my secretary didn't have all the information. There was absolutely nothing waiting for them in Netticco. And Riley doesn't really have much power, other than sorting through my mail and keeping an eye on the time left until the next meeting. "Looks like I'm going to have to leave you." he looked somewhere and nodded his head at someone.

He disappeared with a slight bow, I turned to see who had shooed him away from me so quickly. Jonathan is already standing in front of me, I took a step back in fear. My heart sank a bit lower once again. "I think you owe me a dance." his hand appeared between us.

"I don't think I owe you anything at all." I said in a cold voice. I hesitated if I should accept his offer to dance. I'd give anything to be able to escape. Everyone in the hall is looking at me and the noble Duke of Parlasse or so it seems to me. And turning my back on him would be the stupidest thing I could do. Which of course my father knows very well.

"I know you're angry and I'm truly sorry." with his hand on my back he pulled me to him. Into a firm grip that I can't get out of until he lets me to. I know that in this dance only he will set the pace and the content of the conversation and I will have to obey. Not because I can't get my way, but because I don't want to talk to him. No matter what he says, he can't change anything. "I didn't want you to find out like this, but you never stop and I don't feel like looking for you."

"Your excuses get worse with every passing year." I looked at him angrily, he looks serious as usual, but something is different.

"And you're more demanding with every century, I didn't come here to apologize for my decisions." he sounds perfectly calm, as usual. I looked at him between turns. He says the learned words, but he does not believe them. What is going on with him?

"You never apologise for your own decisions." sighing, I stepped aside and let him grab me again. "Making mistakes is unbecoming of the Heirs and admitting it would be a capital offense."

"If that were true, none of us would be here." he smiled.

"You didn't come to apologise, I guess you don't even want to lecture me. So what do you want?" I asked directly. Jon frowned.

"We need to find out who did it." he eyed the guests around us suspiciously. "An attack on him is a direct attack on us. And it could be a motive." and who is melodramatic now?

"Or someone just doesn't like all his changes." I suggested a possible explanation. Steven has changed more in the last year than Edgar has in the last decade. "There are a lot of people here who have come across some of what he did. There are Nobles here who could use his death. Naturally our enemies. And maybe it was just his destiny to die here, on this day." I didn't forgive myself.

"Very entertaining, but keep it. I don't know if I would call it fate, but something is happening. And I don't like that something could happen to you. You will talk to Elizabeth." he replied in an equally cold voice.

"Is that supposed to be a request?" I had to bite my lip quickly. What the fuck is he trying on me?

"Did I say please?" another turn. "I don't think so."

"So an order, well, that's a change." I snapped sarcastically. "I know I asked for your help, but I will not put his life in the hands of a crazy, paranoid woman. And I honestly don't care that she's my mother." I yanked my hand out of his icy grip. Strange how cold both our hands are, because his usually aren't. I stepped away from the duke, feeling the gazes of the others on me. The music isn't over yet, but I've had enough.

"Don't be childish, you can't do it alone and we are both ready to help you." he lowered his hand and straightened up. He surpasses me, and not only in terms of looks, which makes me very angry. Even more than his words.

"I've done a lot more on my own than the four of us combined. And every time you're ready to help me, it ends up being a disaster. So no thanks." a painful memory gnawed its way out. I see his look change, he knows exactly what I mean. At first he made me believe I was crazy. He then reassured me he'd stayed by my side, only to finally leave me standing all alone facing the two. "Enjoy your evening, father." I bowed again, for the umpteenth time today, exactly as expected. I would prefer to slam the door, but there is none here. Only dozens of onlookers. Actually, more like hundreds. What does he need such a big celebration for?

I have to remind myself again that I should stay away from all the scandals. Especially if they concern my family. We must look perfect, harmonious and untouchable in everyone's eyes. Petty arguments show none of that. It would have been a lot easier if Damien had stuck to the truth and I could have killed someone. Now. I mean, how many of the nobles around matter? Only a handful of them mean something and are useful to us.

I found Steven, I thought he was going to dance with someone else, but he's leaning against one of the pillars talking to Lady Pelletier. Actually, I'm not even surprised he's with her right now. They are really close to each other. Which really pisses me off, but I can't do anything about it. Not in a way that wouldn't hurt him, because she's definitely one of the useless ones.

"All right?" he asked innocently as I stopped by them.

"If I told you that Jonathan is an insufferable and completely selfish jerk, would you agree without asking a single question" Steven narrowed his eyes and took a breath. "No… of course not." I answered to myself. Steven and Jonathan are dangerously close. This keeps complicating things for me. "Didn't you see Jim?" I took the glass from his hand and looked suspiciously at the people around. Without even looking at Jossellin. Whenever she is somewhere, I try to pay her as little attention as possible. I am not in the least interested in her bows and deferential retreats. "He should be around here somewhere…" when Emmett left, I can complain about Jonathan to him at least, even if I'm angry at him too. He should have warned me. Damn, he's doing something different than he should again. "What the fuck are you drinking?" I asked in disgust. The light green liquid is sweeter than sugar.

"Anything that doesn't have alcohol in it, did you forget?" he took back his drink and demonstratively took a sip with a smile. "And Jim is not here."

"Hm… figures." I grunted and conjured up a proper drink, or so I think. Why does everything in Athran have to be so sweet? "You shouldn't pay so much attention to what Bastien says." I grunted again.

"Why are you frowning so much? We already have all the work done." he laughed beside me. “Stay here for a while with me and Jossy.” he suggested innocently. I want nothing more than to be anywhere else. I don't like 'Jossy' as she calls her at all and I have nothing to say to her. I'd rather walk over to the Nobles and acknowledge their fucking manifesto. I could also leave my crown there and give them my signet ring. Let them manage it here, since they want it so much.

For the first time in a while I paid any attention to Jossellin, for an Athran Council member she wears quite a revealing dress, even more so than I do. It suits her slender figure, as does the colour blue, which she shouldn't be wearing. Not so dark. Her hair is slightly lighter and considerably shorter than mine, and like me, she keeps it loose. What could have led her to this… or rather who. I smirked at the thought. It's so desperately sad how hard she tries. "No thank you very much." I put on a nice smile and quickly kissed his cheek. "You may have all the work done, but I don't. I still want to talk to Charlie." I quickly bypassed him and headed towards my friend, whom I had seen a moment ago. I don't need to talk to him, he's just the first person in sight that I can talk to.

"I thought I wouldn't even find you here. Since when are there so many people in Dithune! Being so high up in the mountains loses the point, if there's no isolation." he took my drink and placed the empty glass on the tray of a passing waiter. He embraced me enthusiastically with his free arms. "You look absolutely stunning tonight, Your Majesty. The dark colour suits you so much. Oh… I just can't wait to see you more in my homeland."

"Don't get your hopes up, my dear. I'd say the point of it all is to get as many people here as possible before the snow melts and the weather gets a little nicer, which would be perfect for any celebration." I replied sarcastically. Charlie smirked.

"And we don't even know how many guests froze to death on the way here." he laughed out loud. I shook my head in disapproval, though it seems like a fun idea. I can't openly agree with something like that, just a step away from other guests.

"Charles! What are you complaining about again?" said a stern voice behind me.

"I am,"

"You must excuse my son, Your Majesty." the duke appeared by the side of his descendant. Charles inherited his blue eyes and may eventually catch up with his graying hair. "He likes to complain about everything."

"Théodore," I greeted him with a sweet and completely fake smile. While he straightened his suit after bowing. I don't believe he even stooped to something like obeisance. He's so cocky. And unbearable.

"Father, I wasn't,"

"Don't argue with me Charles," he interrupted again. Charles shook his head resignedly. I'm not surprised he prefers working for me.

"Actually, I have to defend Charlie, this year's celebrations are a bit excessive. Steven really enjoyed the planning." I admire what he managed to organize. The whole week went by without the slightest problem. I mean, one that people would find out about, but the magnitude of everything is just incomparable. "They are dangerously large, but he counts a lot on these celebrations. Just like Edgar."

"I think it's a perfect evening. It shows what our new king is capable of, to plan something so big without problems is a respectable achievement." continued the duke. He does not put much weight to the opinions of others.

"Perfectly predictable, like every year." Charlie remarked teasingly. He took two more glasses from somewhere and handed one to me. Unlike the green and blue drinks, whose composition is dominated by sugar, he handed me a clear and perfectly strong liquid. That's exactly why I need someone who knows Athran, its people, customs and drinks. Especially the alcoholic ones.

"You will miss these perfectly predictable evenings after I marry you. Just wait, my son." the duke warned him sharply. Perhaps too harshly. "It's about time you started behaving as expected of a man of your stature." Théodore's gaze locked on me. Should I support him?

I don't think so.

"Charles' position will hardly change with marriage, given that he will be the one with the higher status, unless you find him a really interesting match. In which case the said match would have been more suitable for Martin, if only he hadn't married the daughter of a baron whose name no one remembers. So, I wouldn't be in much of a hurry with it," I smiled sympathetically at Charlie. He looks as if his fiancee is already waiting for him somewhere around here. "besides, I need Charlie in the South."

"I've already made up my mind." the duke announced. As if what he wants has any influence on how I want things.

"You may have made up your mind, but I didn't..." his son protested stubbornly. I'm starting to feel like I'd be better off with Steven and Jossellin. What can they talk about? Something about the weather? Or something more daring like who has the nicest dress here? Seriously, what topic can she come up with? And what can he talk about to make her understand him? I'm not saying she's stupid, on the contrary, she just doesn't have a sharp grasp of anything. "See that girl in the green dress, under that giant flower?" Charlie asked, blue eyes heading in the direction he was talking about.

I searched the crowd for a while. By giant flower, he must mean one of the eight large flower installations suspended from the ceiling. Below it are several women in various shades of green. I have eliminated the older ones and the ones I know are already married, and there are only two left. "The blonde?" I asked, glaring at the not-so-pretty lady who, rather unhappily, had chosen a size smaller tight dress.

"Don't be ridiculous." he turned the contents of the glass into himself and got himself another one. "The brunette next to her." he specified.

I looked at her as well. She is quite small, big eyes dominate an otherwise boring face, and wrapped in several layers of ruffled fabric, she does not arouse much interest from others. "And who is it supposed to be exacly?" I can't place her anywhere.

"Zariya Isa Mallouf." the duke announced proudly.

"That's her?" I asked surprised. Her face didn't tell me much, her name, on the other hand, illuminated everything. I had to laugh to myself. Charles will definitely not marry this woman. The Duke nodded gravely in response to my question. "This is not a very suitable match for a man of Charles's stature. Since we started dealing with the situation in the east, her family is losing power faster than money. Aside from the fact that some of her family members were demonstrably aware of what was going on there and their connections to the Nobles were confirmed, they're slowly leaving her residences here. I give them a few weeks before one by one they lose their status completely. The only thing holding her here is Du Champ." I hastily instructed the duke, his smug smile quickly disappearing.

"Is she his lover?" Charles asked, now interested.

"I wouldn't say, more like his pet. She dutifully waits for him here in town, giving him the false illusion that he can order someone around. It's pretty pathetic." I explained. "Steven will never allow such marriage, and even if you manage to convince him, which I highly doubt of, I won't allow it. So, Charles is going back to the South tomorrow. For as long as I'll need him or simply want him there." I smiled at Charlie once more and left him to his father.

"I think it's about time to go back." he whispered as he leaned to me. I'm in the middle of a conversation with Jaubert and Galleren, neither of them seem to understand the difference between old and new magic, and I'm losing patience. Every time I try to explain something like this to ordinary people, it turns out terrible. And before I could say goodbye to them, Steven was already heading for the door.

"You want to go on foot?" I asked when I caught up with him.

"Do I have a choice?" he retorted irritably. "Besides, it's not that far away," he objected. He's right, it's not far, but the path leads up the stairs. I normally don't mind long walks or marches, but I hate stairs in long dresses. "and you can start explaining on the way."

"And which part do you want to hear first?" focusing on the carpeted stairs, I suspect the stairs here are higher than the ones in the South, but I have no way of confirming. I wish I could measure them, but that seems silly to me. And I expect that if I used any charm I would make Steven even more angry. He already seems to be in a bad mood. Which is understandable, given the circumstances and progressing pain.

"What is Varral?" he almost stopped, turned to me. Green eyes burning with curiosity.

"It's quite a useful thing. To some extent, Varral is poison in itself, but if you know how to use it…" I stopped my explanation. The eyebrows above the green eyes shot up. Until now, I was only thinking about how to save him. Somehow it didn't occur to me to initiate him into my plan. Basically, I poisoned him that way myself, without his permission or knowledge. I should've thought of it sooner. "Two drops are harmless." I added quickly.

"And the others?"

"Well, the third will stop any other poison before it can spread through the body, actually it will stop any substance from spreading. Which is what saved you." I took a slow breath. I already know he's going to get mad if I tell him the rest. Really mad. "four will slow down your heart and send you into a coma." there are only a few steps left, I quickly ran up and dropped the fabric back to the ground. "Five and above are fatal."

"That sounds absolutely safe." he assessed my explanation, his good mood slowly leaving him.

"It is safe, you think I can't count to three?" I insisted. Even though I poisoned him, at least I know exactly what I'm doing and how to get out of it, which can't be said about others.

"Then why can't I do magic?" that irritated tone again.

"Because it would kill you." I answered calmly. Steven frowned even more. "It's only temporary."

"How long?"

"A day, maybe less, depends on what you really are. The better mage, the faster recovery. Take it as the price for your life." I wanted to imitate his tone of voice, but I still sound just as calm. Steven looks at me in silence, waiting for an explanation as usual, only now he's a lot more angry.

I looked at the paintings on the walls of the corridor, it's all of the very victorious battles taking place on Athran soil, they are actually quite repetitive. The battles, not the paintings. Edgar did not personally participate in any of the battles depicted. He doesn't engage in combat unless he has to and makes sure he doesn't have to. Looking at the pictures, I wondered how to explain to Steven what had actually happened. I can't think of any explanation that leaves out my mother. "You can't do magic because my perfect plan didn't work." I shortened my explanation.

"So it wasn't perfect." he smirked and turned. We're almost there. It is a short walk from the hall to his apartment, in the Palace it would be a walk for about twenty minutes. The question again arises - why is his apartment in the first, unprotected part of the castle. But do I want to know?

"Obviously." I frowned. My plans are usually perfect when I bother to prepare them. This time the future itself was on my side, and it turned out disastrously. He drank the poison anyway and my mother appeared here anyway. But, come to think of it, it actually turned out a lot better. Even after all these problems, Steven is still on his feet and able to hold a meaningful conversation with me. On the other hand, this is about to change, with the incoming antidote and its side effects. It became a pretty shitty spiral. "You know, I didn't count on two major changes, you sent the guard away and I wasn't the only one hanging around you."

"What does the Guard have to do with it?" he opened the door, stopped and looked at me confused. "I'd drink it anyway."

"They weren't supposed to stop you from drinking, but to go get me if something happened." for some reason I find the idea of ​​ Michael knocking every glass out of his hand funny. "This way I had to look for you and it took a lot longer."

"Yeah, that probably makes sense." he walked over to the couch and collapsed onto a pile of pillows.

"You should change." I walked past and followed my own advice. I threw off my clothes on the way to the bedroom and picked up a shaggy piece of clothing from the chair by the window.

"You're kidding me, again?" he laughed, leaning his head against the doorframe. "You brought your own sweaters. And more clothes."

"But, it's not the same."

"Of course not." he said resignedly, taking off his tie and tossing it on the table. I helped him out of his jacket and vest.

"How are you feeling?" I brushed the hair from his forehead and touched him gently. He's not hot, quite the opposite. That will be the antidote.

"I have a terrible headache. And I think I'm going to be really sick." he rolled up his shirt sleeves and sat on the bed. "Is there any point in asking why someone is trying to kill me or is it just part of the job? Not that it's the first time, but you know what I mean."

"Well, I'm actually not sure." Steven is not exactly the type of person who would obediently stand in a corner, with his name and titles. He likes to change things and long-lived routines. And the people around never like that. "You'd still be Steeles… even without the crown. So, I guess it isn't just the work. And then there's me and my family, which also puts you in danger."

"Do you know who?"

"Not yet. But when I find out, I will bring you the head."

He buried his face in his hands. A moment later he looked up, biting his lip before asking his question. "An?" I appreciate that he left out Anie. I nodded my head for him to continue. "Can the poison cause hallucinations?"

This is my ticket to freedom. Far from all the explaining, far from the truth. He thinks the image of my mother is just a hallucination. An ugly image conjured up by a poisoned mind. A single word would be enough to assure him of that. I can nod. It will be a small lie that gets lost in the events of this whole crazy evening.

"No," I can't help myself, I have to tell him the truth. "it can't." and I have to confirm it to him. Add all the little details. "Emrecitte is like fire, it burns you slowly from the inside, but it doesn't affect the mind in any way." that's why it's used so often to make the person enjoy every last second of dying.

"Could Bastien be mistaken?" he asked fearfully.

"He wasn't, and neither was I." and neither was my mother. All three of us reliably identified the same poison. After several decades, it's not difficult.

"I saw someone there, I could have sworn it was her." he paused uncertaintly. He must feel like he's out of his mind. Just like me when I figured it out. He laughed nervously, green eyes meeting my gaze. He is about to tell me news that I have known for a long time. Sharing with me the information that has scared me since the day he saw her portrait in Parlasse.

"Steven enough," I stop him before he tries to gently enlighten me. "you saw Elizabeth." I folded my arms. "my mother."

"I… how do you know that?" he stopped. Sitting up, he straightened and narrowed his eyes.

"Because I talked to her. She gave you the damn mushroom, because of which you can't cast spells for now. Well, you can't actually use magic because of me, but I was just trying to fix what she did." I explained calmly. I wait in silence for him to process and explode like a chimney full of soot. Not that I blame him. I probably should have found a better opportunity to tell him that my mother wasn't quite dead. But I just didn't wanted to.

"You talked to your dead mother!?" he stood up abruptly, threw his arms around furiously, and did not even raise his voice. That's not good. "It doesn't surprise you at all... Not even a bit... You knew it. She wasn't dead at all."

"No more than other Immortals." I confirmed. He stopped in place. The green eyes look at me with the exact same look that I used to look at Jonathan. Betrayed and disappointed.

"You lied to me." he accused me. "All this time."

"I didn't lie to you." I replied in the same calm voice. I pulled down the sleeves of my sweater - hus sweater to be exact. It feels like it's getting colder around here, but I can't get too upset.

"How so?" he shouted, throwing his hands in the air again. "You said she was dead."

"I told you she was gone, that she was never part of my family,"

"That's just wordplay!" he interrupted me. I haven't seen him this angry in a while. Last time after the coronation. He's straight up raging. "You know what I asked you and you chose not to tell me." he slammed his clenched fist into the wood paneling of the door. "I can only guess what I don't know yet. What didn't you tell me or let me interpret differently." he leaned his hands against the door, hid his head between them. "I seriously thought you were telling me the truth about everything, like a fucking idiot." now he just sounds desperate.

"Steven, I don't talk about her or with her if I can avoid it. I want nothing to do with her. To me it's like she's dead." it sounds like a lame excuse, but it's true. I didn't lie to him. I quickly wiped the tear away with the back of my hand before he raised his head. I've already hurt him enough by making him think I betrayed his trust. Well… I didn't just let him think so, I actually did it. "I didn't lie to you." he shook his head disapprovingly. He clenched his fists again, his knuckles turning white. This is not a good time to argue, he will keep getting worse. And I can't do much about it, not until he lets me.

"I need to be alone for a while. Don't take it personally," he raised his head and stopped at me for a moment with a desperate look, full of pain. "but I'll probably throw up." with those words he left the bedroom. Part of me wants to go check on him, but I'm trying to respect his request. I would say I owe it to him.

This time I laid on the bed. I'm staring at the white ceiling, trying to convince myself that I made a mistake. I didn't want to talk to him about my mother before and I don't want to now. He deserves to know the truth, if he's proven anything to me, it's that I can rely on him and I can trust him. And sooner or later I would have to tell him anyway. I'm guessing sooner, with the way Jonathan is acting. I just can't bring myself to see it as a mistake and regret not telling him sooner. I was protecting myself and him.

Okay... I mainly protected myself. I know he would have a lot of questions and I just don't want to answer them. Just thinking about her makes me angry. And the memories of her, of which there are not many, I absolutely hate. We parted ways the day I was born. We have nothing in common, just those few hours. And I hate those too without ever remembering it. Steven has no right to ask me to defend my opinions about my own mother to him. Or my decision, about her.

I stood up angrily. I would prefer to go back to Jonathan's apartment and tell him exactly what I think about his decision. If he was alone… but he won't be. She will be there with him. The biggest disappointment of my life, which he will calmly invite back. I could understand that he doesn't like being alone, but why, of all people, does he have to drag her into it? How can he forgive her? How can he stay in the same room with her?

I opened the glass door to the balcony, I'm only wearing his soft sweater, which is completely inadequate for me to sit on the cold railing in. Everything here is made of stone, horribly icy to the touch. I drew a rune on which I sat down and leaned my back against the pillar, thanks to which the whole building did not fall apart. Not that I don't believe a castle partially carved into a rock, but it's disturbing to say the least, even though the wolves have nothing to do with this deed. They just moved in here. The smoke left my mouth even before I lit the cigarette. Beyond all the carefully placed building blocks, the view of the snow-capped mountain peaks rising in the night sky is breathtaking and so calming.

I let my thoughts drift to the view, watching the shadows of the large stones as I let out puffs of smoke and steam. There is absolute silence here, nothing in the South can compare to it.

I lit another cigarette, a second, maybe a third. I inhaled the bitter smoke again and exhaled slowly. I lost track of time a long time ago. After taking a good look at the mountains, I moved on to the stars. I can't bring myself to replay tonight's events. I can only go further to the past.

I keep thinking about the stories Jon used to tell me when I was younger. He loved when we sat together under the stars and he could, like me now, think of something as simple as fictional stories about warriors from glowing points on a dark sky. He kept talking about them for hours, even after I fell asleep in his arms. He continued to speak calmly, in a perfectly melodious voice, guiding me through the realm of my own dreams.

I miss the point of why I torture myself so much with memories. I so painfully miss the old days, when all my time with Jonathan was simple, full of love and childlike naivety. When I trusted him without limit just because he is my father. The greatest and wisest man in the world. And now I feel like I'm standing against him. All alone. Because how could I explain to others that I can't forgive him for his decision to be happy. I should support him as he supports me. But whether out of selfishness or spite, I can't. I can't wish him to be happy with his own wife without pretending and lying.

"Aren't you afraid you'll freeze out here?" a soft voice snapped me out of my thoughts.

"Well, that would be a first." I tried to smile, feeling another tear on my face. I want to ask him how he is, but it's pretty clear to me. He looks much worse. Exhausted, he leans against the wall with folded arms. He had already changed into a sweater and more comfortable pants, which made the whole thing even worse. He doesn't wear casual clothes, except maybe when he's going to the training ground.

He looked at me confused. "Are you counting the ways you've died?" he walked over to me and took the cigarette from my hand. "Actually don't answer, you must have made a bet with someone in the family or something and you're probably in the lead." I had to laugh at how well he knows me. He's not far from the truth, I once made a similar bet with Damien, but to this day I don't know who is leading. I guess he does, but only because he's so much older, he has a huge head start on me. "I brought you the mail. " he waved a message with a red seal and three initials.

"Do us both a favour and throw it away, please." I begged. Steven turned the cigarette in his hand, I expected him to throw it away. He put it in his mouth instead. "Since when do you smoke?"

"A better question would be why did I stop, don't you think?" he blew out the smoke, leaned his hand on the pillar with a sad smile. I can clearly see how angry he is still, but he managed to calm down and stop yelling. That's probably good. He broke the seal and unfolded the paper. "He talked to the emperor? Why does he care about your contracts with him? And why does he want to change terms?"

"He's always taking care of the contracts, it's his job." I blurted out the learned answer. Steven is tellingly silent. "I needed a moment… to get some air… just as Zaik arrived. We talked, he saw the ring and got angry. He started yelling I can't marry you just as Jonathan appeared. And he told him that he was going to turn his land into endless sand plains or something like that if he didn't leave right away. And he left, pretty pissed off, but you probably know that part by now. Because you talked to him right after." I summed up quickly, I don't want to go back to what happened. I clearly remember the emperor's heat and the pungent smell of cloves and saffron. I always feel like the heavy smell is suffocating me. It's suffocating everyone around him. Almost like poison. But I had to reconsider my rather hasty conclusion. It wasn't Zaik, it didn't suit his ego. "It's been a long time since I've seen my father so furious. Probably way too long," I added.

"That explains his behaviour. I thought he was just obnoxious, like always. What does Querishi care about who you marry!? It's not his thing!" he got angry. "Someone should show him his place."

"Some might, but not you."

"Why not?" he continued in a hostile tone. "I could get rid of him."

"Because the emperor and his entire empire is under my protection." I explained. I can see the information surprised him and made him even more angry. Exactly what I didn't want.

"How come he's under your protection!?" he carefully leaned against the stone railing I'm sitting on. He is wondering if he should hit the rock or not. In the end, he apparently concluded that he's in no condition to punch anything. "I don't want you making deals with him! I don't like him! I don't trust him. Do you know what position you're putting me in?"

"In what position do I put you as a king or my fiancee?" I asked calmly. Steven shook his head in disbelief. I took advantage of his silence. "Listen to me, Zaik has a huge piece of land that no one else wants, controlled by mages and magic. I hold him in power, just as Jonathan holds you and Edgar in power on our continent. Like Damien takes care of the regents in Eagaveli." Steven frowned, "Outside of Zessia, it's my job to make sure everyone uses magic according to our rules. I make sure nothing and no one threatens his rule and he pays me to do it and sends ships. In doing so, his people have to follow our terms of using magic, no drawing, taking away someone's power, or trying to bypass death. He enforces our punishments in the process. I simply cannot afford to leave him unsupervised, and he cannot maintain his rule without our help, not on his own. If you wanted to attack him for some reason, your army would not leave this continent. I can guarantee you that. Do you understand?"

"No, I don't understand." he gasped. If he continues to get upset, the pain will get worse. But it's probably not the smartest thing to point out for him. He always gets angry.

"My grandfather had a really nice plan that involved the Barrier and the small inconsequential fact that the whole world would listen to him." I'll try to explain it to him differently. "It's a very nice idea, but quite difficult to implement. After all these years, we can claim we control a little over half of it. And that's only one world." my grandfather's ego was simply immense. "I'm not even counting the worlds we've created. Zaik is part of the whole process, as is Athran. He's independent as long as he doesn't oppose us and we don't have to interfere. Every part of our world falls under the protection of one of the Heirs, and I own all of Aet' Reon. You may not like it, but that's my job, and soon it will be yours. Especially if you want to be a part of our way of life or death, to be more precise." I closed the debate. Steven frowned.

"And Jonathan?" he continued after a moment of silent stargazing, folding the paper. "Did you guys fight?"

"But not because of Zaik." I figured. Completely mesmerized by his new personality trait, I watched as he blew out a puff of smoke. He always just complains that I smoke. He didn't mention that it was because he quit. That would put the whole thing in a completely different light. "Why did you stop?" I asked curiously. It's weird to switch roles.

"It didn't seem very healthy. But that was back when I thought it was important and I'd live long enough to cross thirty." he smirked and threw the burning cigarette down from the balcony. As irresponsible as his brother does, he must have learned from him. "Not that it matters much now, does it?" Steven straightened up. I frowned. I'm trying hard to make any of this matter. "Shall we go back inside?"

He doesn't give me a choice with that question. I jumped off the railing and crossed the stone floor. Compared to the stone on which I was sitting until now, so freaking cold. "Should I ask how you feel?"

"I'm considering whether death wouldn't be more pleasant." he said as he walked in too. He stopped about halfway. His gaze drifted to the open balcony door, he returned to it and slammed it shut. "You have it so easy. You can just die and go back."

"Don't count on it, you'd wake up and the same thing would be waiting for me."

"Really great prospects." he sat down on the sofa and pulled his legs to his body.

"You can't think I'm just going to die and go right back to what I was doing before… death isn't worth much. Even if you're an Immortal. It sucks every time." I sat down, far enough to not reach him. I know him well enough to know that the argument won't end until he wants it to. He is really good at it and quite persistent.

"I don't know what to think about that." he grabbed a pillow and put it under his head.

"You should get some sleep."

"I don't want to sleep." he assured me angrily.

"So what do you want?" I asked curiously.

"A painkiller the size of Arlintanga sounds good." he grunted, waving his hand toward the window and the mountains beyond. "Only I can't take one now either, though I have no idea why." he must be really sick, it's a huge mountain range, it completely encloses a whole part of the continent. Moreover, unlike me, he refuses pain medication for 'ordinary' headaches and similar conditions. I live in the belief that there is no point in complicating things unnecessarily. He goes with the claim that he will endure as if it were to prove something. "But I want an explanation too. I think you owe me one." and here it is. He always comes back to it.

"You'll have to be a little more specific."

"Why is your mother trying to kill me?" he asked with a furrowed brow.

"How did you come to that conclusion?" I laughed in disbelief. I did not expect such an accusation. "She was trying to do the exact opposite. In fact, I'm pretty sure she's never killed anyone, at least outside self-defense. She's kind of obsessed with not being like us. Her job is to help others, always has been. I mean, as long as she's away from the rest of the family and from me namely." Steven frowned again, squeezing the pillow in order to throw it across the room in the next moment. I'm not sure what the pillow did to him, but it certainly learned a valuable lesson. He cramped up again with his head between his knees.

"It's getting cold here," he muttered.

"Lie down to me, I don't have pills, but I can help you." instead of answering, he clenched his fists and gasped. I shifted towards him, I know the effects of the poison and the antidote well, he's up for an uncomfortable night if he doesn't let me help him. While the poison inflames the body and pushes it to its limits, the antidote does the exact opposite, bringing the body back and painfully cooling it in the process. "Steven, please. You have to trust me on this, even if you're angry. I know very well what to do..." despite his protests, I put him on my lap. He's shaking with closed eyes. I tried to encourage him to breathe regularly, but my advice flew out the window in the direction of the mountains he was pointing at a moment ago.

I put my palm on his shoulder. I tried to concentrate on casting the spell. He gasped again, pulled my hand to his body and curled up into a ball. I wanted to help him as quickly as possible, it's not fair that he has to go through this. It's my fault. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. I know it will be easier for me. I can feel the heat in my palm, any minute some of that heat transfers to him and warms his injured, tired, convulsed body. It took several long minutes for his breathing to calm down and he relaxed a little, not letting go of my hand for even a second. I'm glad he's sticking with me. If he was so angry to go through this alone, it would probably break my heart. Damn I love him and he gets upset over a woman who doesn't deserve it.

"I really didn't lie to you." I said quietly. I waited to see if Steven would fall asleep in the end, but he didn't. He lies next to me in silence and strokes my hand with his thumb. It's actually quite cute, even in this situation he can't let go of his possessiveness. He gets mad at me and refuses to give up at once.

"You did." he whispered into the newly established silence. "You really lied to me." he added just as quietly.

"Steven,"

"I want to feel like you trust me, but you keep giving me reasons to doubt it." I felt my throat tighten. I betrayed his trust and this time maybe too deeply. His world is white or black, he decides everything accordingly. I think he is too young to see all the shades between the two colours. He doesn't want to see them. He would rather bend the rules than admit the existence of gray. "I don't know how to explain to you it annoys me more than anything."

"And I keep telling you over and over that this has nothing to do with trust. It's not easy to tell you something like that." I paused. I would prefer another topic to talk about, any topic would be better than this. "I want you to know me for who I am. Knew me as well as I know myself, but I can't just dump all my problems on you. You don't understand how much I hate her. I can't deal with all my problems either and I don't want to pass it on to you. It's five centuries of shit around my family."

"But that's just it. I could have chosen someone else and still enjoyed myself down there, but I didn't." he whispered. He was silent for a while, only stroking the back of my hand with his thumb. "You know, if I wanted to, I would have gotten over it a long time ago. Probably after that first dinner with Jonathan. I would have walked away and left you with your problems, but I don't want to. Why is it so hard for you to understand that you aren't dumping your problems on me, you confide in me. And I'm glad you do. I want to help you, even if it's just to listen to you. I chose you, even with all the problems and craziness, because that's how I want it, Andrea. I want to be a part of your life, but you have to let me. I understand you can't tell me everything at once, but stop with the secrets. My life is not complete without you, why can't you get it? And when I ask questions, I want to hear answers. Whole answer not half true."

I understand him. I want him to be a part of my life. I belong to him, to his life. And I can't imagine that I would just leave him, but maybe he will see it differently in time. "And what if one day it's just too much? What if my life becomes too much for you?"

"So we'll figure it out when we get there. Just like we're trying to figure it out now." he squeezed my hand tighter. "Don't think I'm not mad, but I want to hear it. All of it. And since I'm not going to fall asleep, start talking."

"I know you're angry. It's not that hard to tell." he didn't even look at me all that time. I hope it's because he's focusing on himself and regular breathing. "What do you want to hear first?"

"Did you know she was alive all this time?"

"All this time we've known each other? Yes. All my life? No. I thought she was dead for twenty four years. Jon never talked about her, Jim avoided the subject and Stephan preferred to quote books and there weren't many other people to talk to about it." I started. Steven carefully turned onto his back, letting my exceptionally warm hand rest on his stomach without letting go. Green eyes looking at me. "It's probably clear to you that I wasn't satisfied with the fact that I didn't know anything. But my family is really good at hiding the truth."

"I noticed." he snapped in a less angry tone, strange how it always makes him feel better when I answer everything. The fact the pain is slowly receding probably contributes to his better mood as well.

"Mhm… anyway, I came up with what I thought was a genius plan at the time. When Jonathan didn't want to answer me, I wanted to ask her, I wanted to get to know her. I only knew the part of the story where she was saving everyone, sacrificing herself for them. And I wanted to see her more than anything. Talk to her. She was my mother and I knew nothing about her. Jon always just repeated that she would be proud of me, just like he was. And I thought she was in A Dun'Amanh waiting for me or something. I believed that she died when I was born and according to my logic at the time, she had to be there waiting for me, even though she was Immortal and had no right to be there. She must have wanted to know me, that's what all the stories were about…" I laughed at the memory of my own naivety. I was so stupid. "I almost killed myself for her, just to get to her." I paused, Steven squeezed my hand but didn't say anything.

"Jonathan stopped me before I could successfully extricate myself from the world. I had to scare him to death to finally tell me the truth. It was perhaps the first time he had really talked about her. With some honesty. He tried to explain to me that she just left, but I didn't understand. And after I became an Immortal, finding the truth became my obsession.

I thought, if she was like he said, why would he keep it a secret. Apart from the texts in that book, there was no mention of her anywhere. Her family disappeared, her friends, everyone who helped her disappear." Steven closed his eyes. I know it helps him think. It seems quite useless to me.

"It took me more than ten years to find her. She can play dead really well. And when I finally found her, everything went to shit again." he opened his eyes sharply and looked at me confused. "I was no longer so naive as to think she would be waiting for me with open arms. I knew she had decided to leave on her own when I was born, but I still held on to the fact that she wanted to know me. And she probably did to some extent. She was supposed to be my mother, loving and eager to meet me, but waiting for me there was a completely different person than the one I dreamed of." I paused for a moment. "For more than forty years, I dreamed of the perfect mother, and all that time I tried to be everything I thought she was. Honest, brave, perfect in every way. And she is the exact opposite of all that. So, when I met her and my illusions disappeared once and for all, I couldn't get over it."

"That's why you don't like her? Because she didn't meet your expectations?" he asked when I said nothing.

"It's very superficial, but yes. That's where it started. I would say this is how you know your propaganda is working. When your own daughter believes in it." I ran my free hand through my hair. I'm getting tired after the whole evening and having to focus on the spell isn't helping much. Plus, I really don't want to talk about her, but I have to. I owe him the truth. "At first I thought she was just scared because of everything that happened when I was born and everything leading up to it. I thought she was running away all this time because she was scared. Because I didn't want to admit the truth. Why would someone who is afraid run away from the people who have the best chance of protecting them? Why run away from your own family? And then I finally admitted to myself that she had been running away from our family all this time. And I don't just mean the Twins, but Jon, me. Although… I don't know exactly how she got it, she knew what I had to be when I was born. She believed that I would just be another hideous monster in our family." I closed my eyes. My head is starting to spin. I'm trying not to be angry so I don't hurt him, but I have to force myself. This conversation annoys me. "It's really a perfect irony, because I'm the exact opposite of what she feared, and I don't think the fact she left has anything to do with it." my mother knew exactly what she was getting into. What would be expected of her, as an Immortal, and only after I was born she realized she couldn't trust everyone around her. She was so stupidly naive it's hard to believe I didn't inherit it from her.

"What exactly happened when you were born? She must have had a reason to leave." he let go of my hand and straightened up.

"Do you mean a reason other than she's crazy? Selfish? A bit mental and paranoid?" I asked angrily. I realize I shouldn't be mad at him. All this anger belongs only to my mother, but it's so hard to think about.

"But she wasn't crazy the whole time, was she? What happened?" he pressed on. As if he didn't know. The day I was born is to a certain extent the pinnacle of our faith, and he knows that silly golden book all too well. He sat up without taking his eyes off me.

"Haven't you read the book?"

"You keep saying everything in that book isn't true. So I only know what everyone else does. That Aner's granddaughter was born, almost as powerful as him, and the minions of darkness tried to steal her from the cradle. The Immortals fought them for four days, until they restored order. Aner was wounded in battle, he went to another world to wait for his faithful, along with her mother." he blurted out the words quickly, eyeing me for a moment before adding. "Only your mother is alive so it's not true either."

That book really gets it all wrong. "Lie down before you get worse." I commanded, in what I thought was a stern voice, but he just shook his head. "If you don't, I won't continue."

"Sure you will. I'm fine." the tone in his voice is somehow sterner. I stood up and went to the small bookcase next to the sofa. It shouldn't be hard to find… thick, with white boards and gold trim. "What are you looking for?" he asked curiously.

"The stupid golden book." I grunted, on my way to the other library. He has to have it here somewhere, otherwise someone might interpret it as an insult. Like Damien or Jon if they showed up here. More like Damien, Jonathan would bring his own.

"Golden? I don't have any," he stopped, walked over to the aquarium, picked up a black book, decorated with gold lettering and a huge semicircle with seven rays, from the table next to it. "you mean the Light?"

"Why does it have dark covers?" I took it from his hand, it is much heavier than I remember. How many of Damien's revisions did I miss?

"All editions in Athran have dark covers." he shrugged and headed for the kitchen.

"Why… it doesn't matter." I followed him while flipping through the book.

"What do you want it for?" he placed a glass of water in front of him on the bar top and sat down on one of the tall chairs. "I hope you're not looking for consolation. I thought I'm going to survive."

"The king of Athran everyone, ever so funny…" I replied wryly. "what do you think? I know all of the prayers." I keep flipping through the book, but can't find the right part. I thought it was somewhere near the end of the book, but I'm almost halfway through. "Don't you want tea?"

"I don't. I thought you didn't speak Athran." he took a drink and put the glass down carelessly. He doesn't even think it's weird, it almost scared me. It also occurred to me he could very easily put a few shards of the glass in his hand. I wouldn't let him bleed out, but he somehow seems a lot more mortal.

"I don't want to read to you from that book." I rolled my eyes, I put the book on the table. "I speak all the major languages, but only when I want to and I really don't want to speak Athran. Everyone says how complicated the old language is, but Athran stole all our apostrophes and just threw our sentences around."

"Any other complaints for the official speech here?" he asked irritably. Since when does it bother him? He doesn't like the language any more.

"I don't know, maybe." I finally found the part I was looking for. "Here it is." I tapped the page with my finger. I scanned the text with my eyes. It's a very good translation, considering what the original is, full of sentences blooming with archaisms even I'm not old enough for. "It wasn't four days, just a few hours because it was in an old mansion. And there were no minions of darkness or whatever you called it," I paused, solitudes should be the word in that book. What else they've edited in Athran, I'll have to read the whole book or give it to Damien. Is it even allowed to make any changes to it? Probably not… we need people to believe the words and follow the rules in the book. Exactly as it says. So that they cannot interpret it in their own way.

Steven looks at me curiously, I bite my lip and continue. "So… it was the Twins and I wouldn't say they beat them, it was more like a draw because they both…" I trailed off again. I had to re-read the whole passage. "And the one whose Light shone brightest and led others to him fell to his knees. The bright ray of Light dimmed and the hope in the hearts of the faithful faded. Dead… dead!?" I drummed my fingers on the bar top. Such a change is certainly not allowed. How could Damien miss that. "Steven?"

"Andrea?"

"...in il l'treppias..." it doesn't matter how often I speak the language outloud, I know Athran. And the meaning of the words has to remain the same. "Excuse me." I stood up sharply.

"What's going on? What are you doing?"

"No changes are allowed in that book, you know that." I said quickly to explain. I turned my back to him, drew a triangle with my hand, and wrote one rune on each side. The dim light showed in the little triangle. Nothing happened for a while, then his face finally appeared, messy hair flying in all directions.

"I hope it's important, I have… work." he laughed and tried to brush his hair back to his head.

"I need you to check the Athran editions of the golden book." I examined the half of the body that I can see in front of me. He's not even wearing a shirt… hope it's pretty work he got into.

"Which edition?" he asked, annoyed.

"All of them." I replied forcefully.

"All of them? Aren't you crazy?" he dropped the pencil he had just handed and folded his arms on his chest instead. Exposing the scar on his left arm - the one he is so proud of. I don't know why this one. Losing an entire hand is not such an achievement. And everything that followed was definitely not either. "Did you talk to Jonathan?"

"You mean Mr. I'm not here to apologize for my decisions? Yes, I talked to him, and by the way, thank you very much for the warning." I got angry. I have to clench my fists again and dig my nails into the soft skin of my palms to calm myself. "Didn't you say you'd be there?"

"Something came..."

"Something or someone…"

"If you're mad at Jonathan, don't take it out on me." he accused me in a disappointed tone. Reaching out for a shirt. "I'm not your henchman and I don't have to be everywhere you are. You might be surprised, but I have my own life."

"Yeah, I'm not really surprised, there's always something more fun to poke at… you're not getting off easy Damien, I'm mad at you both." I raised my voice. Planned for once. "But at least Jonathan is sticking to his arrogant attitude. You're the only one who decides you're not interested in family matters anymore, just when mother comes back and instead of telling me about it, you send me a message through Emmett saying you're not talking to your brother! That's really perfect! Are you five? You promised something!"

"Oh, I don't enjoy family matters?" Damien raised his voice as well. "You sent me to Mil'Adorei yourself! I'm not in the mood for your little drama with Elizabeth and Jonathan! Maybe you can argue without me for once!"

"But our little drama, as you call it, almost killed Steven!" I informed him. Damien immediately calmed down, dropping his arms, which he had been waving until now. "If you'd told me she was back, I could have talked to her before she tried to help him with those crazy concoctions and almost killed him. Which brings me to the fact that you told me he was safe, while someone tried to poison right at the party." I added in a calmer voice.

"Do you know who it was? What exactly happened?" he asked, reaching for his pencil again.

"If I knew what happened, I would tell you straight away." I retorted. "My first thought was that Zaik had a hand in it, but I'm pretty sure it was someone else."

"I will find out," he answered quickly.

"No, you won't. Father already takes care of that. You take care of the books." I ordered. He nodded resignedly. "Yeah and Jim, your job is to tell me what's going on, not to judge if I want to hear it. Stop protecting me and let me do my job."

"You're right. It's my job, but even with the crown on your head and all this new power, it doesn't get any easier Princess." he smiled sadly. He should come up with a new nickname for me. "Tell Steven I'm truly sorry, eh? I suppose you'll keep an eye on him. And as for the books, any of us can post notes on them."

"But that doesn't change the fact that the books are your job and your responsibility. According to the Athran edition, Grandfather died. So enjoy yourself in Andrawen and get it sorted out before it gets even worse. We've got enough problems." I waved my hand, his image faded away. I turned back to Steven. He shook his head disapprovingly. "It is his job." I defended myself.

"I've never heard you argue with someone like that." he sounds genuinely surprised.

"I didn't argue with him. If I had, I wouldn't have yelled." as with Jonathan, I would remain ice-cold. I ignored his protests and prepared two cups of tea. I threw black tea bags into them and watched the water in the kettle until it started to boil. I tried to forget the conversation with Damien. There are much faster ways to make tea using magic, but I almost enjoy the long wait for the water to boil. "Did you see Iohanna today?"

"No, she canceled at the last minute." so she disappeared, as did Damien. He really is that stupid. "Do you think Querishi did it?"

"I can't think of anyone else, but it doesn't suit him. He's not a nice person. The thing is, if he wanted to hurt you, which he probably does anyway, he'd do it in a flash and for everyone to see. He'd want to fight you, to satisfy his own ego and beat you know in front of everyone. And he hasn't tried because he probably knows how it would turn out." I was finally able to pour hot water into the prepared cup. There is no point in asking the question of who would want to harm him. There are so many guests and not all of them can like Steven. Most of them don't even really know him. And the rewards for someone like him are usually high.

"What's in Mil'Adorei?" he suddenly asked.

"Not what, but who." I looked into the green eyes. "His other brother Stephan. You haven't met in person yet as far as I know."

"No, not yet, but at least I know he's alive." he pointed out, concerned.

"Don't take it too personally, Stephan isn't exactly social, not when it comes to these celebrations. He prefers to meet at Lemford or his own mansions, but he's definitely the most sensible of the three." I laughed to myself. "I'll introduce you sometime…"

"Why was there even a fight there when you were born?" he supported his head with his hand and peered into the open book. "I guess no one was afraid of the little baby."

"Watch out! That baby was me and I was terrifyingly adorable." I laughed, it's easier than thinking about how they wanted to kill me right there. Just a little while after I was born. Steven's deep laugh joined mine. I guess from a certain point of view, a few minutes is all I deserved. Enough to make my power disappear with me. His would disappear as well, completely, the game of gods would fall apart. Not a pleasant finding for us, but a victory for them. "But you're right, they weren't afraid of me, I was just the prize for the winner."

"Well, even worse." he smirked, then coughed while clutching his stomach. The rest of my spell slowly expired.

"Steven," I snapped the book shut and looked into the green eyes. They are still full of questions. He's really stubborn, so I have to leave it to him. "bed, now." he rolled his eyes, took a mug of hot tea and dutifully headed for the bedroom.

He placed the cup on the wide, black bedside table. I find it odd he has bedside tables. I don't have any at home, my bed is quite low, so I put things on the floor or leave them on a huge mattress. I'll never knock them off anyway, but maybe I should consider it for his sake. I sat down and leaned my back against the mountain of pillows on which he sleeps. At least they're good for something.

"I'm feeling better now." he laid down next to me, we almost touched each other. I would have known he was lying even without being Immortal. He looks straight into my eyes, other times he would look away or roll his eyes. He's so predictable.

"No you're really not." I shook my head. I vaguely remember the last time someone poisoned me. It took me less than an hour to get rid of the poison, but it ruined my whole day. But my body can get rid of harmful substances much faster. I looked at the clock and thought. "If I'm right, and I probably am, you've got a good three hours of suffering left, maybe a little more and then it should start to get better."

He buried his head in the pillows and mumbled something into them. He sat up again, half-bent in a spasm. He continues to ignore my advice about how to breathe. As if he knew better what to do. "That's a long time."

"For another piece of explanation?" I pulled out a smaller one from the pile of pillows and placed it on my legs. He laid down without a word. As before, I reached my hand to him and he pulled it into a ball he cramped to, just like before. I don't like him having to go through this one bit. I should have paid more attention to him. And I shouldn't have let my mother throw me off like that. What did I even expect to say to her? What could she tell me?

"So you were the winner's cup?" he asked a moment later.

"So I was the winner's cup." I repeated. "He needed me to have a new Successor after he lost Andra and someone to carry on his work."

"Which worked." he snapped at me.

"Yeah, but much later. Not that the three of them planned to share that information with me, I have to figure everything out here myself…" I complained. "His wife wanted to use my power. I'm not sure for what exactly, but she raised the Twins as soldiers. My guess is that if she could raise me, she'd have an ideal source of power. You know… under normal circumstances, power is simply split, or rather the amount you pass on. In our case, it's the other way around, that's why the whole Heirs nonsense came about. We're like walking wells. And she knew a lot of spells, just like him, she just couldn't cast them herself. So she'd have an ideal source of power with me. Or… she would just kill me and he'd never have his Successor. I don't know if she'd be able to draw enough power before he found her and stopped her. He was very much against anyone drawing a,"

"That's why it's forbidden in Zessia." he cut in again. He turned on his back again and met my gaze.

"Well, sort of." I hesitated. Steven raised one eyebrow. He waits for an answer, even though he must know it very well. "Even before the Barrier went up, people approached magic differently. It didn't matter much if you were a mage or not. Everyone just drew from the environment and didn't care where they got that energy from. They were slowly getting to the point where they would have to start taking energy from the soil, the trees… they were destroying the world around them and they didn't care. And at the same time they were using it for completely useless tasks. Most of those people didn't know runes and didn't understand what they were actually doing, they were just making things worse. And someone had to make them stop.

There were severe penalties for drawing without a good reason, which made my family quite unpopular, but even then we had a power that no one could match. Only because we started the careful transfer of power long before others thought of it. My ancestors enforced severe, often capital punishment, and if you weren't a mage, you were pretty much out of luck. Everything had to follow Aner's rules, which we follow in part even now, they are part of the Legacy, not just in Zessia, but in the entire empire." Steven nodded. "You know, it seems to me that nowadays everyone just takes it as a good thing just because he brought order, but it had to be a terrible slaughter. If he burned disobedient cities to the ground after he got his way, what must it have been like before? He got rid of everyone who didn't suit him. Even Stephan doesn't want to talk about it in detail, and what matters to him is that I know everything as it happened.

Anyway, it stayed in Zessia as the four of us pledged to follow his wishes, since drawing always comes with problems. It starts with no doubt a brilliant plan to use power, like in Mergo or Tre'Asco, and ends with our army. The same is happening again now. Take the undead, they are so aggressive and wild, all that borrowed magic destroys them. And they can't go through. They stay on the other side."

"What? Everyone?" he got scared. Another thing I forgot to tell him, I should start writing it down somewhere. List of answers I owe him. Damn, this is going to be long.

"Yeah, all of them, even the ones others kill." I remembered Lukas' absent-minded expression. I have no idea how it is transmitted and one of us should figure it out soon. It's a priority that none of us focus on. "We need the formula they used to fix it. I don't think even the Twins knew what a mess it would make."

"Why do you think so?" he frowned and squirmed under my hand.

"Because they, like us, are to some extent dependent on the Barrier. If it falls apart, we can all go sliding."

Steven sat up sharply. He hissed in pain. "That thing can fall apart?!" I just scared him. Great work.

"Well…probably not, it's more likely they could weaken it and in that case someone would have to watch over it. Which would be annoying because it would be me. Since I'm in charge of everything now. Along with Stephan helping me to lift it up. And you can't imagine how difficult conversations with him are." I try to make it as light as possible. If the Barrier just weakens, we're going to be in really big trouble. Someone could come back and destroy what we're working on. Not to mention the fact that such creatures are much harder to kill and we only have four swords.

"I thought such a thing was not possible."

"Not while the Heirs are here. And last time I heard, we're not going anywhere." Steven calmed down a bit and laid back down next to me. It makes me feel terrible, he must feel much worse. That's why I don't tell him the whole truth. For one thing, it's none of his business and he doesn't understand what can go wrong and how badly. "That brings us back to my past. No Immortal in A Dun'Amanh ever ends. We can go there and back again, but we can never stay there. One day we were all meant to meet in our personal paradise, one big, happy family. That was the plan. Except my grandfather decided he wouldn't keep his word, and if Joanna or her children died, they'd be stuck between worlds, unable to move or return. He thought that was an adequate punishment. She had another opinion and I am their solution."

"Then why are the Twins trying to kill you?" he interrupted me again.

"I would have gotten to it if you hadn't kept interrupting me with questions." I admonished him, he just smiled. "He and Joanna had had a score between them for quite some time and when they met face to face after all these years, it ended exactly as you'd expect. Only he came back, injured but alive, which is wrong in your book, by the way. It was a surprisingly even fight, at least in my opinion. She had to find a way to match his power. And it's clear they were fighting. There are dangerous reminders in our world still, take the rift in Secco and the missing peak on Kiri. Think about it, they blew up a piece of a mountain… the twins vanished right after that, but they kept coming back. They're not trying to kill me, they want to use my power like she wanted, but since I don't plan on going anywhere with them, it always ends up with a fight.

Grandfather couldn't bear what happened, he said goodbye to his sons, he didn't want to be part of this world. Stephan was to take his place temporarily, Jim became my protector. My mother left because she doesn't believe Joanna is really gone. And Jonathan and I just stayed.”

"But is she gone?" he asked cautiously. I was waiting for this question. Everyone is interested. Even some of my family members.

"She is. She's not here, she's not with him, not in A Dun'Amanh, A Dun'Anealaia, not in the other worlds. I don't know exactly where she is. But she can't come back, if you want to ask." he wanted to ask about it. He nodded his head with a sense of satisfaction. "It's hard to explain when you don't understand the spell. We need a body and not at the same time. You have to stay yourself and still have somewhere to return to. Grandpa took care of both parts. He destroyed her body and scattered her soul. If you want to call it that. Imagine you're a sandcastle, only each grain has its exact place in the whole structure. And this castle of yours will be blown away by the wind, you'll never find all the grains. You'll never find half of it. And you'll never put it back together. There's nothing left to go back to. It's very brutal, when you think about it, but also effective and definitive." he nodded his head in agreement. I convinced the Twins myself that she can't come back. It's a closed chapter. For everyone except my mother.

"If your mother left for her, then why won't she come back?"

"I don't know." she always claims she's protecting me, but from what. There is no threat.

"She must want to know you, really know you, I don't believe it,"

"Steven, please stop." I stopped him in a calm voice. Now is not the time to get upset. "I didn't say she never tried. It just never worked."

"I'm sorry, An,"

"You don't have to apologise, I…" I trailed off. I slowly took a deep breath, for a moment I focused only on my little charm. More than my mother and everything around her, I still care about him the most. To relieve him of the pain, so he doesn't have to go through it alone. "don't try to understand. The only one who can answer that for you is her." I bit my lip, not as painfully as before. It reminds me to keep the magic going and it helps me with my anger better than anything else. "It's kind of funny. I know you're not going to let it slide, and she's probably going to be around for a while, so you can ask her. Just don't count on me being there. I usually don't stay in the same room with her. I don't know what led her to it, but the woman simply chose not to be a part of my life. And after meeting her, I don't want her to be."

Steven watches me carefully. It's so sweet, he even chased away the oncoming tears with that look, which I've been trying to ignore all evening. "Jon got back to her, that's why we fought." I explained quietly. "And I don't know if I can forgive him, it feels like a terrible slip. He just told me. I know he never apologises and it's his life, but… I haven't even had time to think about it until now. I don't want her back and I don't want her anywhere near you. I don't want to see her again. Ever. She's just not a part of my life and she never will be."

"Can I do something for you Annie?" he asked with concern. That question warmed my heart, despite how terrible it feels, he cares about my feelings. About how he can help me. That's really sweet.

"I think you can." I ran a hand through his hair with a smile. All I care about is him, and as long as I have to take care of him, I don't have to think about anything else. "You need to get some sleep."

"I don't think I'm going to fall asleep any time soon," I cut him off with a mug of cold tea in one hand and small white balls in the other. "isn't it dangerous?"

"Oh yeah, you're right. I've been trying to save your life all evening, but I've just stopped having fun." I poked him, more tears coming to my eyes. Where the good mood in me comes from is a mystery to me. "After all, I told you our family's biggest secret, so I have to get rid of you." Steven gave a weary smile, swallowed the pills and collapsed onto his own pile of pillows.