I closed my eyes and almost immediately felt myself losing consciousness. I feel like I'm sinking lower and lower, into the depths of my own soul. It's not a pleasant feeling, rather I find it familiar and pushed somewhere to the back of my mind for far too long. Behind all the current problems and happy moments with which I tried to stuff all the empty space. As familiar as the feeling is, it comes off as eerily hollow compared to the rest. As if the darkness that once again claims me this time was not the right place. I wished I could stop it, I want to be anywhere else. Just not in the bottomless pit my mind had turned into.
I feel trapped, with no way out. I feel my heart pounding a little faster with each beat, I'm running out of breath and I'm starting to panic.
And then it stopped.
Everything returned to everyday calmness and I could breathe again. I opened my eyes sharply. I'm standing firmly on my feet, in a very different place than the one I just left.
The old, darkened forest welcomes me with sloping tree branches. A small path leads through the trees, deeper and deeper, until it is interrupted by a tall stone quite illogically. Right in front of me, it claims all the space. As if it couldn't understand that the road isn't here for it, but for everyone else. I know this place too well, it was once shown to me by a man who disappeared in the past along with the place. I wouldn't mistake these trees for anything in the world. The leaves on them do not resemble any I know. Dark blue with silver veins pulsating on them with sad life. Looking at them makes me sad, makes me think of everyone I've lost and it's a long list. One face stands out among them, coming back again and again, a face with piercing blue eyes and dark hair.
In the end, none of this matters. This city will always be just a cluster of streets and buildings, and this rose will always be just a pretty flower.
That face reminded me of many happy moments and a whole series of tiresome, endless arguments over the smallest little things. We never argued about the fact that I disappeared for days, but about the tone in which I greeted him when I returned. He didn't mind that I was covered in someone else's blood and mine, but he could go crazy if I misfiled his notes. It reminds me of all the insignificant moments we lost together. We had so much time and we used every minute completely wrong, we wasted it thinking that we would not miss anything. And then it was too late.
Death should be something final. Don't you want it to end? Do you want to repeat this over and over? Again and again? Why?
It reminds me of the giant marble block on which I place a single red rose every year. At least I tried, I skipped our regular meeting this year. Like several times before. I've never blamed myself for postponing it a few times, and yet I can't part with the thought of leaving him in the past, as he wished, and never coming back.
We both know it's going to happen one day. And then it'll all be up to you. You say goodbye and leave. You have to let all those memories go, so you have room for new ones.
I could look at those leaves for hours, thinking about my own past. To think about him and how pointless it all was. Damn! Pick yourself up a little, you've been here for a few minutes and you're already losing it!
I need to focus, not stare at the leaves of a tree that belongs to this place only and to the real world that I have to return to. He's not even here. It's my memories, not his. It's the place that affects them, not him. Damn! I'm wasting time here, and for what?
I closed my eyes again, I need to focus on Witty, he's here somewhere. He has to be here. A man lost in the midst of the realm of the dead. It's a clever plan to get him out of the Senate. Opening a portal from there to here will not trigger any alarm if it were opened by someone right there. Someone who knows his way around. Another traitor, or perhaps still the same one.
Witty is here physically, I just have to find him and take him away. He doesn't belong here and this place knows it. I have to hurry before the one who got him here overtakes me.
I remembered Witty's face, rough with eternal stubble. Light blue eyes always look at everything carefully and never miss anything. He is always looking for the safest escape route, something that could be used if the situation escalates or we run out of other options. In other words, he's a good soldier and a commander and I'm not going to lose him.
I opened my eyes and looked around again. The big trees are gone, and instead of them stands a white house in front of me. The walls begin to crumble. Wooden windows and doors are firmly closed. It doesn't look like something new, but terribly old, something that would no longer survive in our world. But the place does not fit here, everything around flows at its own pace, hand in hand with eternity, but this place stands like a beacon and attracts other souls to it. The building stands out, even though it looks exactly the same as the ones next to it and across the street. This whole street is very strange, the same house over and over again. That's not how it usually looks here. It shouldn't look like it.
I took a step towards the building. If I have to find anything here, it will be inside. It has to be. My whole body tensed, every muscle resisting and refusing to continue on its way. The place is full of fear and anxiety and has no business here. Those feelings aren't supposed to exist here. I took another step.
"Don't go there!" someone's voice stopped me, I turned to the sound. I have to go there and find out what's going on here. It is the only option.
The shadow behind me shuddered, the red cloak fluttered in a non-existent gust of wind. "Lukas?" I gasped. The sight of my dead friend made my throat clench. He has nothing to do here either. My brain is trying to come up with any explanation that would make sense to me. Anything to explain it. "What are you doing here?" he couldn't want to stay here. No one should want to stay here. And he had to have a choice. These are the terms the Guard takes. "You can't be here. You shouldn't."
"I can't leave, the black-haired man said so." he speaks differently, mechanically. With an absent expression, he pointed to the building behind me. I also looked at the building again, apart from the terrifying feeling, it looks quite ordinary. Old and faded. But uninteresting. So what's wrong with it? What's going on here? "You mustn't go there... He wanted me to warn you."
"Who?"
"The man with the black hair. He was there when I was attacked... He got me away. He stopped the pain..." Daniel, I figured, he had helped him, but why is he keeping him here? I thought he didn't want to break the rules. "He said I couldn't leave, none of us."
None of whom? More shadows appeared behind Lukas, beside me. By that house. Some look terrible, shreds of flesh hanging on their white bones. Others have hardly changed, they look perfectly ordinary, like people stuck here. And then there are the shadows, without faces, without a proper outline. Looking at them, a dull, inconsolable pain came over me. Somewhere deep inside, a feeling has settled that has no place here. Fear.
"He has a message for you."
"What message?" I asked suspiciously, he must have figured something out.
"Turn back, I'll take care of the commander. Tomorrow we will meet at the wooden wall with torches, until then, please do nothing." he obediently finished the message, backing away a few steps. Wall with torches? Daniel thinks we're not alone here? What? How?
"Lukas, I..." I clenched my fists, nails biting into the soft skin. I need to calm down. This is not the weirdest or the worst thing that has ever happened here. Or to me. A Dun'Amanh changes, along with the souls around it. I just have to find a way to stop it. "I owe you my thanks. You saved him."
"No, he was never in danger." the absent look didn't change, but he spoke in a slightly more natural voice. "Before you go, tell Cay he was right, can you? I should have been looking over my shoulder," I frowned and nodded slowly. Lukas turned his back on me. It's time to get out of here. This place is really scaring me for the first time in my life.
I opened my eyes again, getting back to my consciousness was easier than losing it, and faster. Which is strange, usually it's the other way around, but I take it that the realm of the dead just doesn't want me, I don't belong there. And I will never belong there. I try not to take it too personally.
I can't see Lessius or Thalus, Damien is sitting next to me with a glass in his hand, and Bastien is trying to measure a pulse on my hand. How long had he been trying before my heart got moving again? I stretched my fingers and pulled down my rolled-up sleeve. "How are you feeling?" he asked in a worried voice. His brown eyes have looked at me, his short black hair, like his uniform, flattened with exaggerated anxiety.
"You know that feeling when you wake up from a walk in A Dun'Amanh?" I squeezed the bridge of my nose and closed my eyes again. If I had a headache before, now I feel like I've been hit hard with a sharp rock or something alike. Bastien pressed a glass into my hand. I looked at it, the light green liquid is already waiting for me. Same as ever. "Thanks, Bastien," I drank, the disgustingly bitter taste forcing me to spit the liquid back into the glass. Good thing I thanked him in advance. I couldn't do it now. I forced myself to swallow it and returned the glass to him.
"You seem fine as ever, just try not to die in the next couple hours. I'll come check on you in the morning," he patted me on the shoulder and wrote something down. He always has a white notebook with him, in a black bag that he always has with him, along with all the disgusting potions and tools he needs for his work. I don't know what it is, but it always fascinates me. Unlike me, he can change his habits, but he never does.
"You don't have to, I'm fine," I stood up to prove my lie. I'm not fine, not at all, I'm dizzy and feel terribly weak, but my lie must have been convincing, Bastien didn't protest. He just shrugged his shoulders and walked to the door with a smile. Damien frowned, he knows it's a lie. "You know where to find me if you change your mind."
"Got anything?" said Damien at last, as Bastien disappeared.
"Yeah, Daniel has it under control, he wants to meet tomorrow. But... something is different there. A Dun'Amanh has changed, and not for the better. I mean… I saw Lukas there."
"Who?"
"That guardsman, he died in Tayonne. I thought he'd be gone, but he's still there. As if he is waiting for something. The whole place is changing and we are just waiting. It's so frustrating to me," I explained, Damien just nodded. That's another reason why I love him so much, he takes things as they are. And he usually does not question them unless he has different, pre-verified information.
"We don't have much choice. Until we know exactly what's going on..." It annoys him too. Just like me. The two Heirs do not know what to do with their own world. Great… "We can't just go out there and start remaking the world. If something has changed, there will be a cause and we have to find it and set it right."
Yes, there's going to be a reason for that. We both know who the cause is. Just find it and get rid of it. Both of them. "Jim, what was Edgar right about?" I remembered the strange note my father had in his study. He still hasn't said anything to me. Not one of them. And it's been a long time since.
He was silent for a moment, just turning the golden liquid in the glass. Like the rest of us, he likes whiskey the most, or drinks it most often. It has to be something we have in the family. We are probably expected to drink something golden and so, we do. "He said something is coming and we should have prepared. Much sooner. And now, the war is here. Although the vision seems far-fetched, if you want to know my opinion. Nonetheless, we should have told you," he drank and stood up too. "I hate having to lie to you. I don't feel like it's any more protective of you, every time Jonathan starts with it... and now everything lies on you. I feel like I'm leaving you in this. I know you're not my daughter, but if anything happens to you, I swear..."
"Jim," I stopped him. "First of all, you didn't leave me in anything, you're here, unlike my father. And you're just as important to me as Jonathan, you know that. Besides, I don't like it when you're sentimental. You're supposed to be the fun one, remember?" he's already terrified of what's coming, that's perfect. Very reassuring.
"Sentimental? You have no idea… you were so small when he first handed you to me. You didn't even cried, you just look at me with those eyes. You'll always be like that to me." well, that's even worse. His respect for me depends on the memory of the little baby he took to my father. "My little princess."
"Thanks, Jim. Now I really feel like someone who's supposed to be in charge," I grumbled, letting go of him again. He might still make me cry or something.
"You're not alone," he added. "Look around."
"Yeah, I'm never alone, but it's about who I can trust," my gaze stopped where Edgar usually sits. Next to my father on the exactly same chair. His word here carries the same weight as Thalus's or Damien's. And that could be pretty bad. After all, once he had already betrayed us. "And I don't think our dear wolf friend will be one of those people for much longer."
"Those are very serious doubts, love." serious enough, but quite understandable, judging by his expression. "Maybe someone should check what he's been doing all these long days."
"I have to find a way to save Steven. Ideally before his paranoid father tries to intervene in an event he doesn't understand."
"Do you think he's really in danger?"
"You know, I saw something. But I don't think it's fixed. I didn't see the injury that preceded it, nothing. Just the one specific part that can be interpreted in different ways. And as far as I know, he could only lose consciousness. I just don't know exactly what Edgar saw. How different it is from the real vision."
"Real?"
"Do you believe she just saw me? That it all depends on me ending up in bed with Steven? Not that it is a bad ending, rather the opposite. But what's the alternative, darkness will engulf the world? That's just stupid."
"You don't have to tell me that. I've never seen the need for people like Fate. But I'll look into it," he promised. "Do you happen to know where Jonathan is?"
"Lemford I think, because of some contracts. He's afraid that if we lose one source of income, the whole family will go bankrupt," I laughed, and Damien joined me. It would take more than a few terminated contracts to start bothering ourselves with something like this. The world would sooner run out of gold.
"He's been there a lot lately," he added. I just shrugged, I didn't have time to dwell on what Jonathan is doing or with whom. As long as he plays with contracts, nothing threatens him, and that's enough for me. Plus, Lemford is more than perfect for an Heir to spend his time there.
"Damien?"
"What, princess?"
"Can you send someone to the Academy in Taltrone? Ethan said something very interesting during Communion. He started there, but was fired for the lack of talent, whatever that is. He was a mage as a child, he still is, he just can't use his power. It is almost as if someone took it from him, but he would have to remember something like that. And yet he doesn't."
"That's very interesting. Let me figure out the other things first, and then I'll give Taltrone a proper visit."
The atmosphere in the dining room completely changed during my absence. Before, people in here seemed to be screaming over each other, now I can't even describe the noise, the only thing I'm sure of is that it amplifies my headache. In addition, the severe alcohol haze assured me that the headache is not alone, it makes me nauseous.
"THERE SHE IS!" Emmett shouted, rushing to me from who knows where and squeezing me in his embrace as always. Before, he was wearing a coat, now he's running around in just a tight T-shirt. "I take it the world is saved?" he added with a laugh.
"I think we'll live to see tomorrow, after that I'm not sure," I replied as my eyes searched the room for Steven. I can't see him anywhere, but that might be because I can't make out most of the faces through the smoke.
"Well, that's not very encouraging," I looked at his face, he turned serious. The smile is gone, the hazel eyes are suddenly full of worries. For the past few days, even Steven has been doing that, not saying anything, just thinking about what awaits us all. He probably realized by now that it wasn't going to be pretty.
I borrowed Emmett's glass and took a sip. It seems that carefree times are slowly but surely disappearing and times full of uncertainty are approaching. We're all going to tear our hair out until the whole thing really breaks out. That's the worst thing about war for me. Even when the fight starts and the first lines are breached, it always takes some time to get going. Before the consequences get to this point. To the capital. To me.
"You look kind of pale," he assessed me, I just rolled my eyes and drank again. I'm glad that the blood in my body is running through my veins again and my heart is doing its job. Although right now none of this is very pleasant.
The fine whisky washed away the last remnants of the bitter aftertaste left by the green liquid. I hate the taste, but I probably wouldn't have get to my feet without it. And the acohol pleasantly warms up still a little stiff muscles, returns colour to my cheeks and slightly improves my mood, it's just not enough for a headache. I'll have had enough of it here in a moment. "Where did you leave your brother?"
"I saw him arguing with your new commander about who was better with a sword in his hand," he filled up my glass and drank from the bottle himself. I smelled the fruity scent of his perfume again, the smell of roses is definitely gone.
"I'm sorry Catarina's gone." I haven't had time for my best friend lately. I'm sorry, but I'm not sure how to fix it. I divide my time between Steven, my attempts to protect him, and my new job. Emmett has effectively moved down my list of priorities. My body replenished that realization with a tight stomach. Like a little internal kick. That's amazing.
"No, you're not," he looked me straight in the eye as he said it.
He's right, I'm not one bit sorry. I wanted her gone, even though I knew it would hurt him. I want him to be happy, but not with her. I hate her so much. Her stupidly long legs, her blond hair, the smell of roses, and the fact that he had always been on her side. Although she doesn't deserve his affection, not even a little. I mean, that bitch shot me. And than let me bleed to death. "You're right, I am not," I finally admitted, still looking into his eyes. I know them so well, one look is all I need. "But I prefer it when you're happy, even if it means she's around. That's why she's still alive, isn't it?"
He smiled sadly and drank again. "You are an awful person Majesty, you better go now. Make some ordinary folks shine with your presence or something."
"I love you too," I smiled and hugged him, he pulled me in with his strong arm, I could hear his deep laughter. I'm starting to feel like today is one of those days that will either end in tears or at the bottom of a bottle and this is only the beginning of the week and inevitably my visit to Athran is approaching.
I walked through the dining room, the guards greeted me one by one, I tried not to talk to them. I need to find Cayden and find out where Steven and Ethan are. Both have disappeared somewhere, and according to Yess, both of them have had quite a number of shots. Which is not ideal, but on the other hand, I love it when Steven drinks a little. It makes him much more fun.
I had to leave the dining room and walk down the connecting corridor before I finally found them in another, slightly more spacious hallway, far behind the old lion statue. The work of the first commander of the Guard, if I'm not mistaken. Not that he carved it, he was an artist with a sword rather than a chisel. But he forced Stephan to order the statue at a time when the lion belonged only to us and no one else.
They face each other, each with his own sword in his hand, and apparently trying to find the stronger of them. Steven has his back to me, Ethan stopped when he caught sight of me and then lowered his sword. Caelen is their judge I guess, he's watching them not to hurt themselves while leaning against the wall. At least I hope he does. "You may not have noticed, but there's a perfect training ground outside."
"It's not that perfect, it slips a little," Ethan laughed, hiding his sword. He did not take the sword of the guard, but has his own old piece of steel with a round pommel, guard inlaid with runes and decorated blade. I kind of expected him to keep it. It is one of the few privileges of his position. And he's endearingly sentimental.
"We should leave you two alone," Remis straightened up with a smile on his young face, fixing his own uniform with the five golden triangles marking his rank.
"Wait," I stopped both of them with my hand. "are you going to the border?"
"I plan to get drunk first, but then I'll be heading that way," he laughed, moving his blue eyes to Ethan and back to me. "can we discuss this tomorrow?" I nodded, dodging out of his way.
"We have to finish it sometime," Steven called with a laugh in Ethan's direction.
"You'd lose anyway, Your Majesty," he laughed, and walked around him with a rather sloppy bow. Luckily, the young king doesn't take much pride in it.
"Ethan, haven't you seen Cayden?"
"Last time in the hall with the others, but he's on duty today. Want me to tell him something?"
"No, I'll talk to him myself later," ideally after Daniel makes sure Lukas doesn't wander the other side. Ethan nodded, and a moment later disappeared in the hallway with Remis. Steven stood up to me, looking at me with that disapproving look of his. "Before you start, you should know that I couldn't put it off..." my excuse was interrupted by his kiss. That's one of the things I love about him. He can interrupt me in the best possible way.
"Before you start, you should know that I don't care," he said calmly in a deep voice as he let me go again. "Damien mentioned that it's important and I don't want to hear it. You should also know that I booked you for the rest of the afternoon and evening. If you want."
"Sounds like you have it all planned, what should I wear?"
"Something warm," I glanced him suspiciously. Something warm means spending the night in the North. I never look forward to it, but he looks so excited that I just smiled, went back to my place, and quickly changed my clothes.
The temperature difference between North and South is almost twenty degrees at this time of year. Meaning the difference between my Capital and his city high in the mountains. Somewhere near the border it probably wouldn't be that different. Fortunately, I had already managed to inform the servants about my increasingly frequent trips to the North. So there were several dresses waiting for me in the closet suitable for cold weather. It's kind of strange, considering that even before I met Steven, I could travel anywhere in seconds, and now I need a new wardrobe to do it. It's very strange. I guess it's because I need more appropriate dresses? And the light fabric suited for the South isn't going to cover it. From several dresses I chose black with a long, tight skirt and a gold-trimmed coat. I know that in dark colours I will fit in with the inhabitants of the local cities much more easily. And far fewer of them will notice us that way. Besides, I'm not in the mood for white or red.
Steven chose Dithune, the most beautiful and coldest city in his country, for our afternoon together. The architecture cannot be compared to anything in the North. The city is in some ways a bit like Nerkam, tall white buildings, richly decorated with religious scenes, bringing it closer to the South, but that's about the only thing that can be compared. Unlike Nerkam, many of the buildings are complete with blue steel, which is rarely used for this purpose, and light gray stone, which is only mined around the city. Colourful mosses and lichens grow everywhere, breaking up the cool atmosphere set by the icy wind and the view of the snowy mountains. The pride of the North and all of Athran, Arlintanga. This particular mountain range guards the northernmost stretch of the continent, but it is famous for its beauty. And the royal family makes good use of this, one of their symbols are two triangles one smaller than the other, depicting the two highest points of the mountain range. Usually, these little triangles complement their clothes or official documents, although Steven changed that to a wolf.
"I expected you to want to go to Alryne," I said as we appeared in a small square with a surprisingly large statue of the former king. There's something wrong with it, he's smiling too much and seems friendlier, less crazy. It doesn't look like him at all. Although it seems these statues are the main attractions of Dithune, Edgar's statues adorn almost every square, except for the really small ones with statues of wolves. The guy loves to look at himself.
"Why? Don't you think I like the North?" he asked, surprised. I had to think about his question. He must care about the country to some extent, but he says North more often than Athran, and only we in the South refer to his country that way, and he speaks the Imperial more often. I like to tease him for it, but he's no more Athran than I am Tre'Ascan.
"It just came to mind," I replied, grabbing his hand. I wondered if he would let go when I did so. He always behaves differently among people, that is, between people in the North, in the South he doesn't seem to care who sees us together. At least that's how it feels to me, but I can never quite guess his motives.
This time he didn't, he grabbed me tightly and led me proudly through the streets of his city. I'm surprised he knows the narrow streets so well, he seems to be able to name every single one of them. I soon got lost in the history of the city and I experienced it for the most part. I never found these events too interesting to remember. Someone discovered something in one house, a prominent commander lived next to it, and a politician across the street... very interesting. There are plenty of such people everywhere and one simply cannot admire them all. Not after five centuries. All I have to do is listen to the sound of his voice and occasionally look into his green eyes or see his smile. That's all I need. Steven can talk for hours, and he doesn't need me to add anything, I can just quietly walk by his side. And he can do all the other things by himself.
Steven stopped in front of a grassy rectangle, I almost bumped into it. On the other side of the lawn is a tall tower of gray stone and blue steel, hugged on the outside by a spiral staircase, partially hidden under a roof. Walls covered with creeping plants give the building an unearthly look as the stones climb to the sky, the plants head back to the ground and the beneficial soil. It is simply an attempt at an innovative piece of architecture. I think it lacks a few frills and a good dose of style, but everything can't be as pretty as is in the South.
"Feel like going up?" as usual, what he said sounds like a question, but he's already decided. And he doesn't need my approval to do so. He never needs it.
"You know, I've never been to Aubert's Tower," I giggled. I never even wanted to go there, it's a classic attraction for all visitors to the city, so nothing for me. Eternally filled with curious crowds of people looking for a better view of the whole city, because they can not get to the castle and the mountains behind it. Or they want to prove to themselves that they can run a few hundred stairs in record time and have something to talk about, so I'm actually surprised there are only a few people around. And they don't seem to be getting ready to climb it. They may have been frightened by the presence of their ruler, but it may also be because it's too late. Soon it will be dark.
"NEVER!?" he exclaimed in surprise. I just shook my head. "Now you have no choice, Child of Light. We're going," he commanded, people around us watching. Some of them, according to their expressions, expect me to wipe their sovereign off the face of the earth. Just for that label, I should do it. I'll show him Child of Light.
Naturally, he doesn't care one bit, he marched to the entrance, an almost perfect square with a long inscription in Athran around the perimeter - With humility I came to seek forgiveness as I rose. "Bullshit."
"What?" he half turned back to me.
"Nothing…"
He just shrugged and made his way up the stairs. I guess he didn't really hear my comment. Thankfully. He takes these comments personally. "How come you've never been here?"
"I just never found the time."
"You've never found an hour in your eternal immortality to run up a few stairs?"
"I have more important things to do than run up the stairs." moreover, in the Palace alone I run ten times as much in a single day. "And when the tower was built, Jonathan was already on the throne, and our family wasn't very popular in the North. So I didn't feel like spending much time among the locals and pretending to belong," I explained. I always feel strange in the North, my family has ruled the country for so long that I'm not even surprised. A lot of people here make it clear to me what they think of me. And a large part of them belong to the Nobles, my favorite group of idiots who think they will make a difference. Although they are far from understanding what happened and why Jon gave Athran up.
"You always talk about it as if your family was exploiting Athran and sending the people here into slavery, but even when it was only a province, you took care of its development. More than all the other provinces," he said, trying to convince me I'm wrong and not him.
"Depends on the side you're at, Zessia was buying material from Athran at a ridiculously low price, which annoyed a lot of locals and a lot of them openly expressed that. When gold and other resources were sent here for construction and development, they were even more annoyed that everything had to go our way. To keep the unified look for the entire empire." I stopped at one of several windows. We are already pretty high, the grass on which we stood before has disappeared below us. And we are only on the first of three floors. "They wanted their own ruler, and all they got were governors who did everything Jon's way, or more precisely the Hallies's way. They wanted their own more benevolent laws, and they got a copy of ours with the army at the head in case they didn't like them. They wanted to decide how their country would develop and wherever you look, there're our own buildings standing, most of them still have a sun on them. There's a reason they're now cheering for the independent Athrinan and their liberator."
Steven stopped on the stairs, a few steps ahead of me. All these years have smoothed them, but surprisingly they aren't slipery at all. Green eyes found my gaze as I pondered the gray cubes connecting the steps of the stairs. "I think you should read our chronicles. People have never seen it that way, the common ones I mean."
"I know, but maybe that's even worse," I shook my head and laughed. "You know, my grandfather loved the silence of the North and its icy calmness," Steven frowned in confusion. Yeah, there aren't many people who know how much he loved it here. It's such a well-kept secret. "His diaries are full of pages where he describes how much he cared about this place. About the white tops of the mountains, rivers rising from the hills with clear water that no one far and wide could pollute. Seemingly endless forests with a sweet fresh air, where nothing is heard except animals and the cold breeze rustling in the leaves. And then the kind-hearted people he loved to talk to. He filled a couple books with this," I put on a sweet smile and added. "That's why we cared about the province more than the others. There is a real risk that his sons would not survive if something happened to this place."
"I never realized he liked Athran so much," he looked almost proud before his expression changed. "But that was before, the whole country had to look different back there, without all the mining and industrial changes."
"No, I don't think so," I thought on my way to the next window. "It's always been mined here, and according to the diaries, he liked that specifically. It gives people much more meaning in life than arguing about this and that. Because of this they get up in the morning, some head to the mines, others to process the extracted materials, others turn the ore into works of art or perfectly functional tools that others need so desperately. Including people in the South. Without Athran wood there would not be warmth, without steel he would not have conquered a single country. And he repeatedly suggested that there should be more than one family residence. He wanted to make the whole family spend more time here, maybe he wanted to move here permanently."
"So, what stopped him?"
"I would say his exceptional little son. He probably doesn't look like it much, but Jonathan hates the cold," I walked past Steven and continued upstairs. Maybe there's a reason why I don't like cold weather myself. My father always leaned towards the other extreme. He prefers to hide from the hot rays, without the cold wind and so do I.
"He doesn't look like a lot of things, for example, that he ever was a little boy," he beat me to the top with a laugh. The way he's rushing up is the most childish thing he's ever done.
It must be full of memories for him, he grew up here. "How often did you come here?" I changed the subject, feeling that to him this building means much more than just a pile of stones covered with green leaves, connected by pieces of steel.
"Father brought me here for the first time, I could have been four, maybe five," he waited for me, grabbing my hand again. "I only remember the view, for the first time I realized how big this city really is. It doesn't look like that from below if you're just walking the streets," he said in a completely different voice. Every time he talks about Edgar, he sounds completely different. That makes things a little harder for me at the moment, I'm not sure I can trust Edgar. Or whether he should.
"It's a pretty big city," I agreed. We are approaching the second floor. The grassy area below us has disappeared, replaced by dozens of roofs, smaller and large buildings stretch as far as the eye can see. The castle is not yet visible from the gallery, but I suppose that everything will be visible on the floor above.
"I try to come here every year, at least once," he pulled my hand again, apparently can't wait for us to be at the very top of the tower.
"All by yourself?"
"Well, not every time," he laughed. I can't imagine Edgar running after him like that. I don't even know the last time I saw him running.
We ran up the last few steps, Steven literally pulling me up. He kept accelerating, the stairs were spinning, and so was my head. "Do you realize we could have gotten to the top in a second?" I probably wouldn't have minded at other times, but after everything I'd been through today, I quickly lost my breath. But telling him that I had just returned from a walk in A Dun'Amanh would have been even worse. I would have a lecture about how he didn't like it and it would spoil his mood.
"But that doesn't count, you have to go up the stairs. It's part of the whole experience. You can't skip to the end, that's too easy." we stopped at the stone railing, before I looked at the city, I had to catch my breath.
The view from the tower is simply breathtaking. Directly below us are the colorful roofs of small houses, inns and shops. Narrow streets weave between rooftops, joining back and forth to main streets, sometimes to even narrower streets or small squares and markets. The noise from the streets disappeared in the height, we still saw little people running around the city, but we could no longer hear them. It could be the result of some spell, the silence adds to the power of the moment. And what is most interesting, just as I expected, is to see the castle from here.
High walls of dark stone hung with blue flags inside their walls provide shelter for the most important person in my life, their young king. At least I hope so. I have to believe he's safe right here. In his own land, behind the walls of a monument, partly carved into the majestic mountain range beyond.
The man who is now standing behind me and hugs me with strong arms. He changed everything I'm used to. He turned my life upside down and left me clinging to him so much that I can't afford to lose him anymore. He was able to completely displace everything else. With him, my world works completely differently. Everything is more bearable with him, even though I feel like I can't handle anything from my work, nothing from my own life. With him observing the city preparing for sleep also seems meaningful.
I can think of a number of things I want to ask, especially about Athran, but I don't want to disturb the beautiful silence. Steven already asks enough questions for both of us. Mostly quite exhaustive questions. The ones I don't even want to answer, but I gave him my word.
Every time he holds me and I can feel his warmth, I feel like I don't need anything else in life. All my thoughts, my whole being, are filled by him alone. Steven burst into my life unannounced and changed it from the ground up. I dread every minute I have to spend without him because of him, and perhaps for the first time in my life, I wish I could really spend the rest of eternity with someone. But I always stop at the possibility of asking him for it. He's different from other men I've met in my life. He is so different from the man with blue eyes who has been swallowed up by the past. A man who could never accept the thought of immortality itself. And he doesn't have much in common with the others I've met, either.
I know that some part of him believes in the vision, thinks of immortality as a way out, but doesn't understand its implications. He cannot understand them. And I'd much rather see him grow old with someone else, surrounded by a row of children and grandchildren, than watch him give up his own soul and the possibility of finding peace after death only to try to stop the darkness by my side.
But Jonathan is right about that, I can't decide for him. No one decided for me either. And he has the same right to all of this as I did.
"What are you thinking about?" his low voice broke the silence. He squeezed me in his embrace and kissed my hair. He always does it, and I find it very cute and possessive. I'm not his thing. I grabbed his hands and pulled them even tighter to my body. It radiates pleasant warmth. Despite my coat, I can feel the cold wind up here.
"The north is suddenly somehow prettier," I smiled, even though I knew he wouldn't see my smile.
"It's much nicer when you're here," he laughed quietly as he added. "but I guess that's true for most places." the sun sinks behind the horizon, the first lamps are lit, and one by one the houses below us turn on the lights inside the rooms. A gentle wind blows into our faces, if he hadn't held me in his arms, I would have been shivering with cold. And while I'm not much for it, I have to admit that this one is perfectly romantic. He's really good at this kind of thing. "I was thinking about us," he said suddenly. "We're both the rulers of our own country, but it's all connected anyway." I wanted to look at his face because I don't understand what he's trying to imply, he wouldn't let me turn around. He does it annoyingly often. Instead of letting go of me, he holds my hands to my body.
"What do you mean?" I asked. I carefully removed his hands from my shoulders where they had moved.
"I think," he hesitated, letting me go and letting me turn around. Green eyes are smiling, which is usually a good sign. He's planning something, and it's one of those big ideas that he's so excited about. He grabbed my hands again and smiled mischievously before speaking. "I think you should marry me, Andrea."
Well, I didn't expect that. I frowned in surprise and gasped. Somehow I can't get any air, even though there's actually nothing else around. Just air, cold and wind.
How did he come up with this? My first thought is that he and Ethan drank too much. But he seems sober, and besides, his look suggests that he has been thinking about it for some time. He thought it through long and well. As he usually does. Unlike me. "So that's what you're thinking about..." he never mentioned it. Or he did, and I thought he was joking. "Do you have any idea what that would mean for you? For both of us? It's not just something you might want."
"I know that quite exactly. There is nothing to prevent us from doing so. You have the crown and so do I," he smiled irresistibly. I think there are a lot of things that would prevent us from doing that, a whole bunch of people. Like his Council. Probably his mother. People back home. It's not that simple, but when I think about it, it's probably nothing that can't be solved. It's just big. "Luckily for you, we're pretty equal in that regard, you know? Neither your position nor Immortality forbids you to get married. And I'm always being asked about it anyway, therefore it makes perfect sense."
"Shouldn't you ask me that, then?" I lowered my eyebrows and smiled. I didn't expect this. Is he seriously considering getting married? I feel my heart pounding, not because I'm nervous or scared, but because I realized that I really wanted him to ask me that question.
"I've never been as happy as I am right now, with you. I never thought of giving up everything I believe until I met you. With you, everything changes, and I don't want to go back to how it was. My whole life is completely different now. I want to be with you, I want you to be part of my family, just like I want to be a part of yours." Steven smiled and stroked my hand with his thumb. "I want to wake up next to you every morning and fall asleep with you in my arms every night. I don't know how long I have, I don't know if immortality is the answer to any of it. And I don't care if I have a year or a hundred ahead of me, all I want is for you to be there with me. Every single day. And I didn't think I'd do it, at least not today, but I have to ask you about it. There's no other way." he still holds my hands. "Will you marry me?" green eyes look at me tensely.
His gaze makes my knees buckle, I feel my muscles slacken. I can only smile, I can't help it. His crazy offer robbed me of all words. Almost breathing and coherent thoughts. The future with him is everything to me. I want him to be safe and happy, more than anything, and I want to be there with him every single day. "Anie?" I see his blurred face through my tears.
I realized I still hadn't said anything. I have to say something and stop smiling. I need to breathe and think. "You know, I promised myself that if I ever did, I'd only marry another Immortal… you've changed so much in my life that I couldn't go back to the way it was before. And I can't. All that you belong to me and I to you of your, somehow got under my skin."
"Is that supposed to be a yes?" he asked. I felt tears running down my face one by one, this time tears of joy. I don't want to cry, but I can't stop it. Whatever is waiting for us, we can go through it together, we can stop it together. We have to try. I'd say I owe it to him and to myself.
"Yes," I nodded. Steven laughed enthusiastically, pulling me to him. He kissed my hair a few times before taking my face in his hands, wiping away the tears, and kissing my lips. He's so excited that he hasn't stopped laughing for a moment. I probably look the same, I just can't fully realize it. Everything I wanted is happening right now. He's happier than ever. He laughs, green eyes shining with happiness. That's the only thing that matters. To make him happy.
He let me go, after making sure I could stay on my own two feet. They don't listen to me at all. My thoughts were occupied only by him and his smile. "We'll have to get you a ring," he announced, as if it mattered, reaching behind him and plucking a piece of creeper from the stone wall. He took my left hand and let the green stem wrap around my finger, the little green leaf remained in front, in the place where the stone would normally be, the rest of the stem changed colour, turned almost bronze. I wouldn't have thought that a piece of plant could look so cute. I looked at him with a smile. The green leaf is almost the same colour as his eyes, only his colour is much more vivid. "This will work for now."
"I like it, it reminds me of your eyes," I looked up from the improvised ring. Steven beams with happiness. Without more, he's just happy.
"Enough with it already. It's just a colour, Anie," he whispered in my ear as he kissed my neck.
"It's so much more, Steven." I whispered back. Doesn't he realize it? He must know as well as I do. A gust of wind blew my hair. Steven caught naughty strands and tangled my hair on his hand. He loves to play with them, I guess it's mainly because it annoys me and he knows it.
"You said yes," he whispered enthusiastically. I nodded. I said yes and I can't stop thinking about it. This is not the first time I've agreed to something like this. Not even a second time. But the idea of my life with him by my side both appeals and scares me. More than anything. It's completely different than before. And that's what scares me. What should I prepare for? Both of us.
We stood on the tower for a few more moments, both looking at the ground that belonged to him and needed protection, and though we were silent, we both knew that our thoughts were going in a similar direction. The wind was getting stronger, cold gusts forced me to curl up in his arms, holding me tightly. "I think it's time to move."
Steven took us to a new place for me. I was standing in a spacious loft with a huge staircase with wooden boards and a glass railing that drew all the attention to itself. On the lower floor there is a small living room with a kitchen and upstairs a bedroom with a huge bed. And there are things just laying everywhere, books, pillows, papers with notes, even flowers. He still spends time here. A lot of it. Through the windows and doors leading to the terrace, the last warm rays of the setting sun shine through. The dark city outside the windows is interwoven with glowing veins of magic. We're back in the South.
"Alryne?" I asked, though I already knew the answer. I took off my coat, Steven took it from me and tossed it to the closest chair. In Dithune, he would take it to the closet.
"Alryne," he confirmed, pulling me down to his soft sofa. He dropped several pillows in the process. He doesn't seem to mind. I can finally see all his stuff. Sure, he makes no secret of what he likes, but I can't waste this unique opportunity.
"Why don't you have these things in Dithune?" I asked as I looked at the collection of his books, apart from the classics and scientific publications, he has a surprising amount of fiction, and the titles don't sound very good. The Moon Doesn't Shine Here - I mean, the moon never shines, Red Farm - I'm hoping for a horror, Fire Trigger - I guess…
"What for?" he asked, setting two glasses of red wine on the table and sitting back to me. "I can come back here anytime I want," I opened the last book, the title of which caught my eye, and I laughed. Probably harder than I should.
"I was hoping to meet again, said the young woman, when she saw a mysterious man in the harbour. She already knew that his ancient magic could change the world around them, and she didn't want to experience it again. With the help of fire, he would able to rewrite the history of the whole world and not only theirs. He could burn the boundaries between worlds and perhaps, between them," I read with a serious face and exaggerated experience, bursting out laughing a few seconds later and closing the book. "I mean… shit. You're kidding."
"A classic story of Andra and Kernat, what do you find so funny about it?" he asked clearly offended. I started laughing again. There's nothing classic about his story, it's just another twisted version of the story of forbidden love. Or that's how people present it now, there was never anything forbidden between them, at least from what I know. It's just another mistake my family has made. And who knows why, he enjoys these stories so much.
"Sorry," I got out of myself in a fit of laughter. When he mentioned the names, I realized what was going on, I couldn't hold back, the author couldn't even spell the names of the main characters correctly. "I do apologize, it's just... his name was Ca'tern."
"So is the story true?" he asked in a slightly more serious tone. I think I understad what he's asking, it doesn't have much to do with the book. It's more about why people don't normally bother us with wanting to be Immortal.
"The one in the book? I seriously doubt that. I don't know of Ca'tern trying to burn anything, in fact he was using a much more dangerous form of magic, but..." I looked at him, listening intently. He's so endearingly innocent for that matter. "I guess I'll start from the beginning. If you want, that is."
"I'm all ears," he took my glass, set it down with his on the table, and settled comfortably on the sofa. He even handed himself more pillows from the ground, as if the ones he had were no longer enough. It's one of the things I'll never put up with about him. This and the fact that he sweetens his coffee. These are unforgivable vices.
"Well, once upon a time when the world was a beautifully dark place and grandfather had all his Heirs together, back in a time when everything worked a little differently. His precious Heirs were raised in the safety of an old family mansion, far from anything dangerous and utterly ordinary. They only knew a world built with magic, as he himself desired. They prepared for their future role essentially isolated from all others. It wasn't that they never talked to others or avoided them, but ordinary people were more tools to them than anything else. Stephan still treats most people that way, he probably doesn't even realise, Damien does it as well from time to time, but I digress. Their task was to change the world around people and make it safe even for those who had no special abilities and could not defend themselves against what lurked in the darkness of the old world. And that was about all he expected from them.
Such a world offered a lot of interesting opportunities. There was still fighting at that time, grandfather was putting together what you know today as Zessia, and Andra was the head of the Second Army. She was supposed to make sure that no one tried to damage the newly raised Barrier between worlds, as many sorts of creatures tried to do so, but such was her service. So she devoted herself to it. And there, on the battlefield, among all the dead and wounded, she found a man with a special ability. He was no more than thirty, but he had tremendous talent. He could slow down time around him for a while, or speed it up, jump to another point, or so he claimed… something that would take her years to learn, he controlled it quite naturally. It sounded fantastic. And quite unbelievable, if you ask me, but whatever.
Her father, my grandfather, did not like such an ability at all, paradoxically, bending time takes time and a lot of practice and you can never truly manipulate it. He had just figured out how to stop time for himself and his children, and the newcomer's ability could jeopardize that. He had the idea of getting rid of the man, but his only daughter had never been happier, so he decided to just watch him but do nothing. He could have ranked among the Immortals if he had earned his trust and their picture perfect future would've remained intrepid. Of course he would have his Heiress, satisfied and grateful. And in theory, it was supposed to work.
Very soon, however, he lost that chance. Grandpa discovered that his daughter's chosen one wasn't exactly a mage, which was already a big problem at the time, but who else could bend the rules of the immortals than the Immortals. Ca'tern was drawing magic and not from a good place, he had chosen A Dun'Amanh as the source of his power, and Andra knew it, she just chose not to mention it. So not only did she hide the information from her grandfather, but she was also deliberately endangering the Barrier along with it. She had her own father wrapped around her finger, and he pretended not to see it until it was ignored. All just to make her happy.
Grandpa was afraid not only that Ca'tern would kill himself, but he could endanger the Barrier and everything they were working on. All this time. Consider how much work and time it has cost them, and some idiot who doesn't understand the first thing about magic will ruin it all. He begged his daughter to stay away from him or to give him time so he could sort things out. Andra didn't want to hear anything about it, she had already decided that Ca'tern would become Immortal. Grandfather decided not to allow it. In the end, they all had to vote on it together, for the first time ever. And guess how it turned out.
Andra saw the future, rather a glimpse of it... the part that concerned our family, naturally. And she thought it would work. She thought she knew exactly how it would turn out. It was almost as if she had become attached to a single idea of a possible future and had forgotten about everyone else. She became so attached to it that she forgot her own rules." I frowned to myself, what I've just said seems too present for it all to happen centuries ago. "Grandpa tried to explain to her that Ca'tern was basically human and his body couldn't handle immortality, even if he was still drawing power, he would still be in danger, she was convinced of her own truth. And while the two were arguing, Ca'tern decided on his own plan... he wanted to get to a future where he would already be an Immortal, so he could prove my grandfather wrong. You see, she only saw the future, but he could have moved in time, or so he thought. No one has ever done it, before or since. I..." I stopped myself. This never made sense, at least not to me. There are simply rules that cannot be crossed. "I've thought about it a hundred times, I've seen his notes, and it still doesn't make sense to me. Such abilities have no place in our world. No one can control time, no matter how hard they try. To walk between worlds, sure. Create them, under certain conditions. But conquer time? Even he himself could not explain it.
He disappeared for almost a month, and during the casting of that crazy spell, he really damaged the Barrier. So he couldn't do anything to his grandfather. If anything, he really pissed him off. And according to Jim, it was probably the first time he'd really been mad at her, too. His Heiress failed on all fronts and jeopardized his Legacy. No one had dared to do something like that before. Her brothers tried to stabilize the Barrier while she tried to find Ca'tern. The whole dynamic of the family was completely changed. Suddenly, she was no longer the most important, on the contrary, grandfather decided to show her that she was perfectly dispensable, that her uniqueness stemmed only from the fact that he allowed and supported it.
Anyway, when Ca'tern was finally found, he was half dead. They couldn't heal him, they couldn't wait. Andra decided that they should perform a ritual, Grandpa did not agree, but he could not refuse her even after all that. They proceeded to the ritual, but either it was too late or it just didn't work on humans, he never woke up. And she thought it didn't work out because Grandpa didn't want it. So," I took a deep breath. "no fire and burning of boundaries between worlds, no forbidden love, just a bunch of bad decisions and a guy who thought he understood everything." I took another sip, I don't find the wine so sweet anymore.
I tried to simplify the story as much as possible, sometimes I can tell him the whole thing in the smallest detail or show him in the chronicle as it happened, but I know that now I have told him everything important, everything he asked.
"Is that why she killed herself?"
"She didn't kill herself, just the others, led by Damien, decided that the truth would look bad," I corrected him. She was killed, but in the temples all they say is that she sacrificed herself in an attempt to save the world. Which is true to some extent, but most people just interpret it to mean that she killed herself because she couldn't have what she wanted. "I'll have to get you a proper chronicle," I looked at Steven, thinking about the books I could really bring him. Certainly not old diaries, he wouldn't be able to read them. "And I'll probably have to translate it for you."
"I enjoy listening to your story more," he said thoughtfully. "Why do you think he didn't become immortal?"
"What do I think?" I believe I know exactly what happened, but I can't prove it. I think the proof is in that red diary, which I still don't fully understand. "He just wasn't up to it, it's not for human. You see, as complicated as the spell is, it can't be influenced by the will. Well, not the one who carries it out. I think it was clear to him that he wouldn't survive and he had nothing to lose. We still vote on who will become Immortal, but it has always been a formality. The decision is up to who wants to join us. And once someone becomes Immortal, there is nothing others can do about it. Those are the rules, and neither of the four of us would stand up to them."
"You're still voting on this?" I nodded, biting my lip. I wanted to tell him that my family voted on him as well, that all members were ready to welcome him with open arms. Everyone except me. But I can't tell any of that to the man I want to marry. For him, it would be like the green light in that crazy plan.
"We vote on a lot of things. We have no other choice. In most cases, three votes are enough and the fourth simply has to acquiesce, but there are things that require the consent of all four Heirs." I set the now empty wine glasses on the table and sat on his lap. He immediately grabbed me around the waist. "I have to go to the border in the morning and then I have an appointment, you should stop wasting your time on irrelevant questions."
"They're important to me, it's not so long ago that youve been complaining about me getting older." the look in the green eyes is suddenly a little stern. It annoys me.
"I've already told you that immortality is not the answer to everything. Besides, I'm the head of the family now, that changes a lot of things, don't you think?" the truth is, I simply hope that the Twins won't notice a mage by my side, even if it's a king. Our dispute is much more superficial. And once I deal with them, nothing will stand in his way. Neither will I. I just have to do it sooner than the next two hundred years.
"You saw me die, I know you did. So maybe it's not the answer to everything, but it's the answer to something." the logic of that argument annoys me even more.
"I'm not going to let you do it just because you think you have no choice." he sounds serious, he means it, but I don't really know how I can stop him. I could learn how to perform the spell, but Jonathan is the one who already has experience with it. And if anyone is to do it, it would be him. So, once Steven finds out that the others are in favor, there's no way I can stop him.
"So you'd rather let me die?" he asked angrily. His tone sounds angry, but his eyes look more desperate than anything.
"The world isn't just black or white, my love," I kissed him, tenderly at first, then more passionately. We should celebrate tonight, we shouldn't think about anything or anyone else. Just for yourself. He got up with me, turned around and threw me on the bed. In those moments, I was glad we didn't have to walk. Steven laid down on top of me, not bothering to untie the corset, just pulling up his long skirt.
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