I woke up on the sofa, completely broken and with a terrible hangover. I tried to convince myself it wasn't so bad as soon as I came around. It made me sick to breathe alone. The one type of movement that kept me alive, also assured me at regular intervals, that it could get worse if I only tried to move. Or just thought about it. That was enough to make me feel even worse. I don't remember when we dimmed the lights and which one of us closed the curtains on the windows. Either way, I was thankful that not much light got in. The mountains beyond the thick glass managed to bounce it uncomfortably sharply back into the room. I'd like to go back to sleep. A few more hours, when I wouldn't know about my body would really come in handy. I couldn't even remember when I fell asleep. I'd say it wasn't that long ago, I'm still awfully tired, as if I hadn't slept and I can feel every single part of my body hurting, especially my head, the more I think about it. I haven't had a headache this bad in a long time, and the worst part was knowing I hadn't been hit. I'm the only one to blame for all this. "What the hell is the time?" I asked, unable to find his own watch. I didn't have them on my hand and they weren't on the table. Why did I take them off? And when?
"I haven't the faintest idea," said the voice beside me, outrageously loud. "Awfully early, I guess."
"Where's my watch?" I asked a little more softly, in the hope that the voice beside me would be lowered.
"I haven't seen them since I made you take them off." he didn't lower his voice, he started laughing out loud.
"I have a meeting at ten, on the other side of this fucking maze." I complained, falling head first onto the pillow, trying only to think about taking a deep breath from time to time. I’ve been telling myself I not dizzy and the world is standing still, but it didn't work at all. The thought of anything that could spin penetrated my body. And it started working there.
"I think you might have to skip it."
“I can't ..." I grunted into the pillow.
"What?" he asked out loud again.
Reluctantly, I lifted myself off the pillow, even managed to peel my tired eyelids away from one another again. I didn't like the genuinely amused look in his brown eyes one bit. He was calmly stretching, ready to get up and leave me here. "I can't skip it, father will be there, I told you yesterday. Right after I said we shouldn't be drinking so much." he'll be furious if I miss another meeting, he already thinks I'm irresponsible and I can't take care of it here. Only because I've skipped a few meetings with the Council, or substantially shortened them. It's like sometimes they're dealing with something important. All the documents had been filed, and that was all that mattered. To me, at least.
“Well… guess you've got a real problem then." he laughed out loud again. I don't know what he found so funny about it, I'm deep up the arse and I don't see any way out of it. I hurled the pillow at him to shut up, he just grabbed it with both hands, and started laughing again. He always squirms out of everything and it's left to me to be bothered with it and get it right. "But I'm sure he won't be mad at you for long. You're his son." he made sure to sound exactly like father, saying that. Perfect.
"You do understand the fact that you and I have the same father, right?" I asked, bitingly. Anything he didn't like, he made it known right away, and it didn't matter who he talked to. To me, him, to Luke. In fact, I always felt he'd get mad at me rather than Emmett. That's who he always stood for. No idea why… when he claims he doesn't have a favorite son, that's obviously not true. I fell again onto another pillow, now face up. "He's a pain in the ass, and his speeches get longer, the more hungover I am."
"He wanted you to spend more time with me, didn't he? Just tell him we were bonding, like the good brothers we are..." he proposed a solution that would solve nothing at all.
"Yeah, sure. Like you don't know him," I yawned, rubbing my eyes. The thought of my father roused me reliably. First of all, the part where he silently looks at me in anger. I hate it when he does that. "but if I want to piss him off even more, I'll definitely mention you and all the alcohol." I know how it would turn out. He'd get mad at me because I let Emmett get me drunk. Because I'm not a kid anymore, and I should know what's best for me.While he would excuse Emmett by saying that his morning doesn't have a meeting and he can do whatever he wants. He was able to drive me crazy with that alone pretty fast.
"It's so cute when my little brother gets this cranky. It’s like you’re five again.” Emmett obviously woke up with a great vibe. I wanted to ruin it for him, if only because he wasn't hungover, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. Unlike him, I'm not so gleeful.
"Just… shut up."
"Such a strong language… just wait for Ans to come back." he laughed as I tried to get into the bathroom. I wanted to rinse my face with cold water and wake up properly. My chances of getting there are about the same as not throwing up. My head was spinning, and so was the whole apartment, which my stomach could barely handle. But it stubbornly stood by the fact that it would stay in this state and I would continue to be miserable.
The icy water only helped me for a little while. It definitely woke me up, I have to give it that, but it also made me feel really cold. Instead of a shirt, I pulled on a sweater. I scooped the matted hair off my face, it’s impossibly annoying. Here is my watch waiting for me on the sink, I strapped it on quickly, the hands showing nearly eight. Great... I've got two hours to get my act together. It's a foregone conclusion.
"She's here!" there was his too loud scream again. If I didn't know my brother, I'd think he'd forgotten how bad I felt. But the son of a bitch knows that, and he's doing it on purpose. And then he's here to keep an eye on me… right.
Sticking my head out of the bathroom was the ultimate feat for me, and taking those few steps to the door might as well kill me. But I had to see her. I was looking forward to see her as a little kid and wouldn’t let that opportunity slip away when she's back. She could disappear again, any minute. She really came back. She stood there in a turquoise coat, white shirt, and tight trousers, smiling calmly at me. Just like other times, with that lovely cute smile I couldn't imagine her without. I hadn't seen her in three days, and it seemed like an eternity. Time stretched woefully without her, and every minute took at least once that long. I leaned against the doorjamb and slid down. My spinning world has finally found some foothold. All I had to do was look at her and all the spinning slowed down. Too bad, I felt terrible anyway. But in my condition, I had to take every little victory.
"How much have you drunk?" she asked Emmett. It was a good question, I stopped counting on the third bottle, but I know for a fact there were more. About twice that. I had to appreciate that he wasn't asking me. My appetite for speaking was completely gone, breathing has become the only thing I can safely do.
"That depends, I suppose… what you've agreed on?" he finally lowered his voice. I knew he was doing this to me on purpose. Asshole. He gave me a quick look and went back to her. I'm really glad he cares about me so much. I not planning on wrapping it up yet, though who knows how much time I have left. This could very well be my last hangover. And not because I can't breathe this one out, but I can't live to see the next one. "Because you agreed a little quickly. I thought we had a few days." we both thought we had more time. I was planning on getting a little sober. He was planning on recovering a little from another breakup.
"Let's just say it went a little differently this time. We agreed, among other things, that it’s best to prepare for the worst." she announced it so calmly that she gave me hope. Maybe she has a plan to make everything right. Maybe the Heirs have a power that I don't know about and they'll just straighten everything out. "We'll wake Lessi up, and when the time comes The Fifth." and the next sentence took away all my hope.
"Oh, shit!" Emmett shouted, surprised. "In that case, we didn't drink enough. Why do you need The Fifth?! For what?"
"Stop shouting…" I said. His voice kept rising. With every single word… which resulted in my world spinning again, and with it everything else inside me. I was surprised by her decision, too, but it wasn't until Emmett made me put my head on my knees. If he wanted to scream, he could have done it anywhere else. He's got all the other rooms in the castle to do it. He's got all of Athran, or better yet, the damn province of Mergo. He can take a pick. I won't blame him if he disappears with his loud screams.
My protest worked, though. Things went quiet for a while, I heard her footsteps. She went somewhere, and she came back again. Maybe she wanted to scold him instead of me. Somewhere else. That's probably where she went. She should have blamed him for not taking care of me in her absence. Although it wasn't much like her, she'd be more likely to join him, and they'd both be amused by the fact that I was hungover. Because they wouldn't end up like that after a couple of bottles. Alcohol is like juice for them, they only drank it out of habit, and both can be incredibly gleeful. So it was much more likely.
"What happened, Em?" she asked him carefully. It must have dawned on her that we weren't just drinking for fun. Although, that played a part, too. Nothing could talk us out of it better than the first two bottles. I looked up.
"Cat's gone." he told her simply. I still can't fathom their relationship. Emmett and Catarina have nothing in common except a penchant for escape, but maybe Andrea understands. She must have been there when he started this thing with her. So she should understand, at least a little, because from my point of view Emmett was just torturing himself by going back to her and she was enjoying it before she had to let him go. Although, even that had its advantages, for me. Andrea put something down on the table and hugged him. I thought it shouldn't bother me, they've been friends longer than I've been in the world. But seeing her in his arms always pisses me off. They're much closer together, I've never seen anything like it. My relationship with her isn't so good either. It makes me think about whether she chose me, because of him. Even when she pulled away from him, she still held him, looking at him almost as anxiously as she looked at me. And it bothered me so much. I don't want her looking at him like that. She can choose anyone but my brother. I leaned my head against the wood behind me and closed my eyes. I’m such an idiot, I’m thinking like a jealous asshole. If she wanted to be with him, she'd just tell me. If only I could get rid of the disgusting feeling those two make me feel.
"You think that's it,"
"I don't want to think about it or talk about it. I have some work to do. Will you take care of him?" I don't need a babysitter. Just something to make my world stop or at least slow down a little bit. Enough to be able to stand up. "I want to be alone for a while.”
"Don't worry, I'll manage." she assured him. I was a little annoyed that she was coming, but by contrast I was looking forward to spending some time alone with her. "Jim's on Lemford when you feel like stopping by.” Emmett yelled goodbye one last time, this time I swore. For a man who's always going on about his bar, he has no mercy for people with hangovers. That could backfire on him. I hope it backfires on him.
"I should have warned you not to drink with him." she whispered as she sat down beside me. "You know, there are three rules about your family. Never provoke Edgar, persuade Luke or play drinking games with Emmett." she added, equally softly. I thought it would make me feel better, but the spinning head and the unpleasant nausea were accompanied by a pounding heart. It's not a very nice feeling. My body is against me on all fronts. It's protesting loudly against everything I'm trying to do. I sank into her lap. "Seriously, what's wrong with your bed?" she laughed.
“It's a long way away from here..."I whispered, exhausted. “to there.”
“I can get you there quite easily.”
"You always disappear without a word..." and then she comes back, just like that. "did you notice?" I put my hands around her thighs and closed my eyes again. I could finally relax and think that it could only get better now. She was with me. It needs to get better.
“It's not my fault, it's Jon’s and Stephan's fault this time... all three of them, actually. You can't exactly postpone the Hallies Heirs Meeting." she explained, saying it in the exact way as Emmett, as if I should know what their meeting was. I turned around and looked at her, puzzled. She keeps reminding me of how old she is, I should tell her back and remind her that I’m not even 30 yet. Instead of explaining it, she offered me three blue pills and a glass of water. I just took the pills. The water seemed like too much of a risk. Since waking up, I've tried not to throw up, and this could jeopardize my efforts.
"Stephan? I… no, I don't want to know…" I closed my eyes again. First of all, I need to stop the spinning. Anything related to the first Heir, I can solve later. I felt her icy hand and put it on my forehead. It works better than an ice pack, which is a stretch, people shouldn't have such icy hands. She even stroked me gently. In pleasant silence, I finally got my own body under control, though it was mostly thanks to those hideously bitter pills. I wonder what it's made of, but I was appalled by the answer. Andrea is the odd kind of person who doesn't mind all the relics of nastiness. Like extracting organic ingredients naturally, instead of purer synthesis. Nor does she mind raw materials that I thought were disgusting, acquired along a similar dubious path. And she won't even be put off by the nasty bugs in the old bottles. Really... why? Didn't they have dyes then?
"Have you found Mallette?" she asked suddenly.
Mallette? Did she really ask that question? I opened my eyes sharply, the headache subsiding. "I'm dying over rhere, and you care about that?" I took her hand off me and sat down.
"You're hungover, you're not dying. Trust me, I know the difference." she laughed. I'm not in the mood for this crap. I feel terrible and she didn't help me much with this. How did she get it in the first place? Isn't she a bit glad to see me and have some time to ourselves? "I need Damien to find him as soon as possible," she said and then stopped. Obviously, I don't deserve to know who Damien is supposed to find.
"Found?" I frowned. I don't even need her riddles. First their Meeting, which she didn't tell me about, the Fifth Army, which always seemed more like a fairy tale than a usable force, but Emmett seems to believe that, and now Mallette... And she's still considering whether to answer me. "Maybe you should decide if you trust me." I struggled to my feet, my hand on the door. "We really ought to get this straight." she always stops before he actually explains to me what's going on. Always. And it upsets me more than anything. I hate her secrecy. And the way she keeps stopping herself so I don't happen to have information, she doesn't want to trust me with.
"This has nothing to do with trust." she got up, too. She only did it so she wouldn't have to lean back when I was talking to her. Other times I'd probably find it endearing, now I'm even more pissed.
"With what, then?" I grabbed her hand and dragged her back to the sofa, where I could collapse on the pillows again. There's a whole bunch of them here, just like on the bed. I have no idea why there are so many of them here, but they're all soft and comfortable. And whoever put them here left out the ridiculously complicated designs and embroidery, which I could only appreciate. The only ones decorated with wolf heads, and I can live. She started making me drink a glass of water again, saying I'd be much better off if I had a drink. It sounded like a lie, except she wasn't lying, at least I don’t think. I took a sip to get it over with and put it back almost full, not wanting to upset the delicate balance that had formed inside my body. And I don't want that horrible headache to come back, it's a lot more bearable this way. "You never tell me what's going on around here. You choose only what suits you and I’m tired of it. What did you discuss?"
"Well, we discussed the Mergo thing." she nodded at the table. "I brought you a signed contract. Your people have access to everything, including our intelligence. Just like you asked." she's doing it again. She chooses what she wants to talk about and has only partially answered my question.
"Did you have to discuss it with the other family members?" I thought it was strange, she usually does what she wants to do, and when someone asked, she blamed it on being Immortal and owning everything and everyone. That's what Jonathan complained about, after all, she’s always doing what she wants to do and not listening to anyone. Nor him. "I thought Zessia belongs to you, you can make your own decisions.”
"It's not Zessia, it's Mergo and Damien is in charge of that. And while I don't have to listen to either of them, it's easier if we agree. All four of us. It's less of a problem." she explained calmly. For the umpteenth time, she gave me a worried look. I must look worse than I thought. "That's not all we talked about, though. Jon thinks I should talk to you about Immortality."
"Jon thinks so? Not you…" I straightened up, affronted. That's what always pisses me off when he's hiding behind Jonathan. If I'm going to plan a future with her, it's because she wants it, not Jonathan. I gritted my teeth. Screaming now is not something I could do, but I really wanted to. "I really want to understand it. What are you so worried about that you don't even want to talk about it?"
"Honestly? If you agree to it."
That's not exactly the argument I was expecting. I was more prepared for something like you're too young, you don't know my family, something about her service... this caught me off guard. I love her and I know she loves me. Then why is this a problem? "I don't see anything wrong with that. I'd spend the rest of eternity with you." I lay back on the pillow, closer to her. "I might even have gotten sober by then."
“One would get used to your sense of humour." she stroked me in silence, waiting to see when she would commit to her but. My sense of humour is far from the only thing I can offer her. She took a breath and continued quietly. "But think about it a little bit," I'm not really doing anything else, I'm ready for her arguments, it's just hard to convince me it's a bad idea. "It's really not a very good deal. Do you know how long immortality is?" she paused, not waiting for my answer, just searching for words. "On the one hand, you get immortality all the way, but you have to give up a part of yourself for it. Breaking free of the rules of the ordinary world and surrendering to something far more powerful. What we're doing never stops or, at the very least, we're fighting to make sure it never ends. People deserve a little peace, a little peace in their lives, but we don't have anything like that. There's always someone new, something who wants to use power to it’s advantage and stop at nothing. It wants to take the world back to the days when magic ruled it, and mages themselves weren't even safe. Take all the things you have to face." she shook her head. I've been watching her in complete silence, I want her to finish. I never painted her service in any idealistic way. More likely, I suppose, she's routinely wading knee-deep in blood. That doesn't mean I can't join her. I didn't enjoy the killing, probably like any sane person, but it's manageable. And for the chance to be with her, I would sacrifice anything. I know that for a fact.
"And if you're lucky enough to survive all these crazy attempts to take over the world, there's nothing better to come. We own the world, but in the end, we're the only ones left. Everyone around you is getting older, moving on with their lives and eventually dying. Sometimes you can put it off for a few years, but it's never permanent." she paused again, lost in thought. I find her look quite distorted, people died all the time. That's no argument. I'm not saying there are no drawbacks. "Take the people you know, most of them won't be here in fifty years. And not because they're too old. Sickness, accidents, utter stupidity take their lives, one by one, and you just watch because you can't stop it anyway. Plus, with this war, they have even less of a chance. Edgar's aging faster and faster, Emmett's constantly taking unnecessary risks, your friends can put off aging for a few years. Some can’t do even that. And honestly, how many of those you care about can you bury before you've had enough, Steven?" she asked softly. For the first time since I've known her, I've wondered how many of these people she's buried herself. The ones she cared about. There must have been more than I could ever think of. Maybe that's why she doesn't hang out with ordinary, unimportant people like me. Does she have any friends like that? Maybe she's had enough, a few years later, to lose them. "And once you become part of the service, you can't choose to just stop. That's the option you're giving up along with mortality. You sign up to fight no matter what, forever."
"When you put it that way, it sounds terribly depressing. It's almost like you're trying to disgust me." I accused her with a smile. It sounds pretty awful when she puts it that way, but she said it herself that in the end, they're the only ones left. Then why the fuck doesn't she want it to be just the two of us. I love my family and I care about my friends, but compared to how I feel about her, it's a small price to pay for immortality. Plus, it's her job to fight to make sure this is exactly what people live as long as possible, preferably in peace. And that's something I would fight for myself without hesitation. "I see what you're trying to do, but weren't you much younger when you decided to do it yourself? You also didn't know what exactly was waiting for you."
"Much younger? Only by four years. And you’re forgetting I was born to do it, I was brought up to do it. Unlike you, I was able to enumerate all our rules by the time I was ten. I know the old language and the runes. I've always…" she frowned. She had an idea, and she didn't like it. "I just never thought I'd turn it down. I'm Hallies' direct descendant, so..." she finished.
"But do you regret it?" I urged. I don't know what I'd do if she said yes. I'd have to rethink everything.
"No, I'm not. It's just sometimes a lot. Like now, I'm sorry I just disappeared, without a word." she replied with a slight smile. She squeezed my hand. "You should get some sleep.”
"Yeah, I should, but I can't," I turned, so I could free my hand, which I was half on, and showed her my watch. "I'm having a meeting in…" I looked at the dial, too. nine. "Fuck."
"So soon?" she laughed. I joined her, with less than an hour to go. That's not a lot of time, but I think I can handle it. I stood up, no problem at all. Those blue pills of hers got rid of my hangover pretty quick. I stretched and tried to straighten my hair. "You can skip it." she suggested as she rose to face me, her arms wrapped around my waist. She's absolutely gorgeous, irresistible and mine alone. I wish nothing more than to move the meeting and drag her into bed with me for the next few hours.
"But I don't want to. Mallette disappeared, and it's only a matter of time before this whole thing turns into something far worse, isn't it?" she stared into my eyes. For some unknown reason, she's totally fascinated by the green color. I know it's not an ordinary color that anyone would have, but she's adding to it. She can look at me like that for a long time. At first it made me nervous, now it feels like he's just looking for something that's not there. "I need a shower and coffee," she nodded.
I quickly headed to the shower. The sooner I get ready, the sooner I can forget about this whole morning and start to focus, before I have to have that damn meeting. There was nothing to advise, I gave my orders, and if my father didn't like it, he should have kept this job. Maybe I can convince her to put her own work on hold and wait for me. We can then think of something fun to spend the rest of the day with.
I pulled on my clean clothes, ran my fingers through my wet hair, and walked back to her. She stood in the kitchen, in front of the bar table, staring at the map of the continent on the wall. I stopped by and looked at her too, trying to figure out what she was so interested in. I myself know the distribution of the continent and significant points from memory, so she must be able to draw this map blindly.
Zessia and her province span nearly half the map with their red paint, biting off more and more territory like a jagged square. In the last fifty years or so, its growth has slowed quite a bit, but it hasn't stopped in the slightest. Athran blue catches up with a good half of what's left on the map. Aside from Mergo, the North still includes the provinces of Slurzine, but they're not on this map. My capital is at the very top in the mountains, while hers lies at the other end of the map. Strange that we could cover that distance in a matter of seconds and connect to each other just about any time. A world without magic would be so annoyingly uncomfortable with all this travelling. Without the portal, it would take days for ordinary people and weaker mages. Another neighbor with a slightly smaller field of green paint that stretches along our borders is, without discussion, the most annoying nation that openly rejects magic and compels others to do so. And the smallest neighbour is Tre'Asco to the west, a picturesque, yellow smear that has given itself so much to the magic that it has almost been destroyed by it on several occasions.
"Andrea?" I said to her, unable to figure out what had struck her so much about the map. She could probably name every town, every river, from memory. So what's she looking for? I put my hand on her shoulder, she startled. That doesn't happens often. Very few things could disturb her composure. I didn't know I was one of them. She turned to me with a startled look. It was my turn to look at her with concern, looking for anything to explain her behaviour. I didn't find anything out of the ordinary. "What happened?"
"I think you should cancel the meeting. I know where Mallette will be." she turned to the map again.
"What do you mean, will be?" I asked suspiciously. Maybe I just misheard. Or maybe she was onto something while I was taking a shower. She grabbed the sleeve of my shirt, looked at her watch. It read ten past nine.
"That's a long story, and we've got less than an hour, now it's got to be enough that I know he's going to be there. And I don't want to send anyone." she tried to sound calm and sound as reasonable as possible, but I wasn't very convinced. It looks more like she's out of her mind. "And I need you there, please." she's definitely mad. She knows full well that I can't refuse her. That's pretty unfair. Canceling that meeting is not a good decision. I shook my head resignedly and kissed her forehead. She said she needed me, that's good enough for a reason. I promised I'd be here no matter what. And anyway, I was looking for a good reason not to go to that meeting.
I took quick steps to the other room and called out to Basil. I picked up the folder from my desk before he came in. Technically, I don't have to speak to him in Athran, but I feel like I'm sort of expected to, now that I've got Athran and all his residents to lead. Personally, I don't care that much whether I speak Athran or not, I just have to be more careful with Athran about the pronunciation and composition of sentences. It's an unnecessarily complicated language. Anyway, I simply asked him to give the Council the contract, move the meeting to another day and, if possible, explain to my father that I have no time. He'll be furious anyway, especially when Basil mentions Andrea, but if I'm not there when he gets angry, he'll have time to calm down again. I hope.
I didn't wait for the door to close behind him, Andrea mentioned that we have less than an hour and I don't even know what for. I'm not going to find out in my shirt, though. I went back to her. "So where are we going?" I asked, while she checked her booted daggers. I don't like him using them. They're unnecessarily big and usually get us in more trouble, but she wouldn't give them up for anything. Just like Emmett. They were both completely unbroken in that respect.
"To Ecrana." she announced simply. I nodded my head, it's not that much of a surprise, Mallette is on the run, and Ecrana offers a unique chance to disappear without trace to anyone interested. By the time she pulled her hair back with a rubber band, I was wearing a T-shirt. I put on my loafers, I have no need to hide my weapons in my shoes, and lifted a bright blue high-collared coat from my chair, similar to the one worn in Zessia, and handed it to me. "We'll fit in better that way. Do me a favor, try not to draw attention to yourself and avoid magic if you can.”
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